Within A Year

Chapter 18

The following days were difficult. I was so confused about what I had done that I hid in my dorm. I didn’t even bother to go to any of my lectures or classes because I just did not seem to care anymore. Whatever happened happened and I didn’t have the energy to stop it. It was hard because I knew I had been doing so well.

For a short while, I was genuinely happy and the light at the end of the tunnel was in sight, but I couldn’t seem to see it anymore. I had attempted to call Fletcher several times to try and work things out but each time I was met with the sound of his voicemail. How was I supposed to apologise if he straight out refused to talk to me?

I was abruptly dragged from my thoughts when there was suddenly a loud, thumping at my dormitory door. I practically jumped out of my skin and shot bolt upright on my bed. My heart immediately began beating rapidly at the prospects of who it could possibly be. Did I dare answer the door? I didn’t know if I could handle any more conflict.

Nevertheless I edged towards it hesitantly and took a deep breath. Perhaps it was Fletcher coming to sort things out? I shouldn’t be scared of Fletcher, should I? I pulled the door open timidly and was shocked and disgusted by who I saw, Rocky. He was holding a bunch of purple flowers which I couldn’t help but grimace at.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I spat harshly not allowing him to step into the room. I was still not over what he had done to me, why should I be, considering how awful it was.

“I’m err… here to explain…” He said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly and letting the flowers flop by his side. I was extremely reluctant to hear what he had to say however finally allowing him to take a foot into my room. I swivelled around with a hand on my hip and gave him a deathly glare,

“Well hurry up and explain then because right now I could probably punch you in the face”

“Ok! Ok!” He replied frantically, looking quite worried at that notion, “Look, I was an absolute arsehole… the guys were basically forcing me to tell them about what we did and I cracked under the pressure… I just went along with it because they were my mates and that was like… really wrong of me. If I had known you were stood there, obviously I would never have done it…”

“But you would do it if I weren’t there?”

“That’s not what I meant…” He frowned, shaking his head whilst looking me directly in the eyes, “I’m so sorry Lacey… honestly, that night… what we did… I don’t regret it, not for a second… even though we were both off our faces… I’m just sorry okay?”

We stood for a while simply staring at each other. I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to Rocky. He had said a lot of things all at once and I don’t think I fully comprehended them. It was then that I looked down at my wrists and saw the deep, crimson cuts that were engrained there.

He had been one of the reasons why I was driven to do that in the first place. A bunch of flowers and an apology didn’t seem to make up for that, or the weeks in each he didn’t contact me at all. If he was sorry, truly sorry, why had he waited so long to apologise?

“Why now?” I asked, my eyes still locked onto his,

“What?”

“Why now, after all these weeks do you choose tonight to come and say sorry?”

“I-I don’t know…” He mumbled, removing his eyes from my gaze and looking down at the floor with regret. Something was definitely going on. Rocky obviously had other motives to being here, more than just apologising to me.