I'm in too deep

Chapter 15: bend the rules

Kyara's pov:
When I wake up and realize where I am memories from last night flood back to me. My happy friend, my annoying jealous boyfriend and the talented brunette boy. I don't feel anything for him but I could say the same for Scott right now. I don't like people being jealous or acting like they have some claim on me, like I'm a fucking object. Okay so I'm might still be a little mad at Scott. That's not going to ruin my mood though. It's a new day and I'm ready to rock. I get ready and make my way to the main building like always.

Today we have an exercise to learn how to successfully take our feelings and express them in our music. Which, surprisingly is exactly what I need right now. We go into the woods and we are told to scream to let some stuff out so that we can later reflect on what we wanted to let out. I walk into the woods, bal my fists and scream as loud as I possibly can. I let it all out: my anger towards Scott, my confusion and frustration with myself, my feelings for Zach. Everything, well mostly my anger towards Scott. When I'm done I feel much lighter. Until I realize everyone is staring at me, seeing that I just screamed the lungs out of my body. I get flustered and make my way back out of the woods. Where I meet Katie and Zach, who apparently came back first. Maybe he doesn't have much to let out. But it's none of my business. When I come to join them Zach offers me a hug. Damn I must have screamed really loud if this is him being concerned. "You okay?" He wispers into my ear. "Yeah. I'm fine. Just a little frustrated." He hugs me tighter which makes my heart grow ten times bigger. Scott, Scott, Scott, Scott I think to myself.
When the rest of the group comes back we make our way back to the campsite.

When we arrive Katie tells us we have free time after dinner for the whole night. Not that that is news but I'm still relieved, I need to think. I push the food in and leave as soon as I possibly can. I go to my cabin put on a hoodie, grab my headphones and make my way to the beach. I look for a empty space a little bit out of plain sight, sit down and plug in my headphones. I listen to the music as I let myself feel everything I'm feeling and reflect on it. Before I realize it I feel tears dripping on my bare legs. Not in the mood to keep anything in I let myself cry. I didn't know I had this many tears in me but it feels good to let them out. I stand up and scream as loud as I can. I cuss at the water, the air, I cuss out Zach, I cuss out myself, I cuss out Scott. I cuss out everything I'm holding in. I'm so confused, I love Scott but he's anoying me and being distant with me and being controlling. And then there's Zach, who makes me laugh, feel free, feel alive, he literally makes me feel invincible. But he's not my boyfriend. Scott is. I scream and cry and then I run to the nearest store and get myself a bottle of wine. I go back to where I was sitting open the bottle and take a big swig out of it. I scream again. Starting to cry for the second time in half an hour. I cry and drink and scream until I feel someone put a hand on my shoulder.

"Kyara?" I hear a soft voice come from behind me. Zach. Shit not now I don't want him to see me like this. Weak, and all because of my feelings for him that I can never escape. I try my best to fix my appearance before fake smiling and saying: "hi." Which comes out way weaker than I wanted it too. "You okay?" "Yeah. I'm fine Zachary, nothing to worry about." My voice slurs out from the crying and the alcohol in my system. I try to sell it by smiling and offering the bottle. "Drink." "I'd rather talk and make sure you okay." "Okay. I'm not talking but I could finish the bottle on my own." "You're not finishing that bottle. You're going to get drunk. Like absolutely trashed drunk. I'm not letting you do that it's bad for you." "Are you my supervisor now?" "No. Ofcourse not I'm your friend. I care about you." "Then you drink. I don't want to waste the bottle." i say still half crying. He takes it, takes a sip to make me happy and then gives me a serious look. "What's going on." "I'm a mess." "Why?" "Just am. Can't you see it? And it's even worse that you now see me like this." "First you don't have to hide from me, ever. Also why do you think you're a mess?" "Scott is annoying me, he shouldn't I should love him but he's being possessive and it pisses me the fuck of." I say almost screaming because I'm drunk and angry and I can't help it. "What did he say?" "He keeps saying that he thinks something is going on between you and me. And then I tell him that there isn't and that I love him. And then he just doesn't believe me. He's trying to get me to stop being friends with you, out of his own jealousy. Which basically means he doesn't trust me. And also he doesn't know how much Zach means to me. I really care about Zach. But I would never do anything to hurt him. And he doesn't believe me which hurts because that means he doesn't trust me. But we've been together for so long, it's nothing if he doesn't trust me. I don't feel it anymore. I don't think I'm in love with him anymore. At least not with the person he's been this week. I just hate how it's going and I hate myself for it." "Why does he think you have feelings for me?" "Because we're hanging out a lot and "because you don't just write with someone" I do air-Qoutes.
"That sounds kind of possessive to me."
"Yeah. Lately Scott has been the king of making me feel like he thinks he owns me." "You shouldn't be treated like that." "Treu let's drink to that!" "No more alcohol for you." "I tell myself when to stop." "Kyara you're already drunk." "You're right. Thanks for looking out for me." "Always that's what I'm here for." "Can we dance?" "What?" The boy asks me with a confused look on his face. "I need to relax. Can we dance it makes me calm." "What type of dancing?" "Slow-dancing. I'm pretty damn drunk I don't think I can do any dancing without you holding me up." "Sure." He stands up and then helps me up holding me up by my waist as I try to keep my balance by tightly holding on to him. I look into his eyes as we sway through the evening-air. I look into his eyes and realize what's happening. I'm slowly falling out of love with Scott and in love witch Zach. This is not going to be pretty
🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

Soooo that was another chapter! I don't know if I'm moving to fast or not sorry if i am. I really love kyara and Zach so I just keep pulling them together I geus. Also no insta posts this chapter because it's a pretty emotional one for kyara and no Zach pov because half of it is still kind of kyara and Scott's story. I hope it makes sence sorry if it doesn't. Hope you're save and sound. Love, sarah🦋