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You were pretty damn sure life couldn't get any more miserable than this. Your days were lonely, tiresome and without meaning. There was no one to wake up to and nothing worth looking forward for. Five months, two weeks, and six days had passed since you last seen John.
Unable to give up the rock-star lifestyle embedded in you but also revolted at the thought of being with another man, you took up a full-time job as a roadie for a small blues band touring back in America. You were hoping old life back in the West would cheer you up but even the blue skies of southern California couldn't cure your melancholy. No matter the time of night, your mind drifted back to London. The dreary cold winters, Big Ben's sweet melody, John.
You were sure leaving him behind back in Europe was the best decision but now you felt like an utter fool. If you were in love, why did it hurt so damn bad?
†
"How are you, honey?"
Despite your need for a fresh start, you kept in touch with Tammy. She kept your head above the water, she was your sanity during all the mayhem. That morning at the diner, your heart broke a second time. You cringed as you watched her face drop and disappointment radiate from her body when you admitted that you were ditching tour and moving back to America. Despite endless hours of begging, in the end she helped you pack and stayed by your side until you were seated on the plane. You couldn't help but imagine how differently your life would've turned out if you let your guard down and took her advice. But it was too late for what-ifs, nearly half a year had gone by and it was time you moved on.
"Same as always," You mumbled into the phone, staring up at the ceiling wondering just how long it was going to take for you to get over him. "Has he said anything?"
"If he has, I wouldn't know . . . the lad won't even look at me anymore, thinks I had something to do with you leaving."
"Ah Tam, I'm sorry to drag you into this mess."
"It means nothing to me, I just wish you had listened to me . . . I wouldn't have to spend a fortune whenever I wanted to talk to you." The long-distance phone calls were kicking your ass just as much as missing John was.
