Promises || Teru Minamoto x Reader (TBHK)

𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚍 || 𝟺.𝟷 || ǝʌᴉʇɔǝdsɹǝd ʍǝu ɐ

For the record, this is self destructive.

  For the record, I'm aware of that.

For the record, I've been questioning my actions ever since the day that (Y/N) died.

  For the record.

  When I offered her a way of protection, I didn't know what was going through my head. Some sort of instinct made me do it, I couldn't force myself to leave her in the face of danger. Maybe I thought that I would be no better than (Y/N) if I were to abandon her. Or maybe I'm just in denial. The sensible side of me is saying that I still respect her, but my pride is shielding me from believing that. If only it were as simple as chanting 'Spirits are bad,' in my head. It would've been much easier.

By saving her, I prolonged my suffering. The stress is trickling down onto my skin, slowly drowning me. My parents would be irritated if they had found out about what I'd done. I don't want to be looked down on, that's the worst feeling. I don't want my family to be disappointed, I want them to trust me. Everyone is looking up to me and I can't let them down. I wince at just the thought of letting everyone down. They look down on me with doubtful looks in their eyes.

  I've made my decision. I'm exorcising her next week. It'll all be smooth sailing from there. My parents will be proud. They will trust me afterwards, and maybe they will stop focusing on everything I do. I want to step away from the spotlight every once in a while. This will solve all my problems.

For the record, this can still go my way.

For the record, I can keep my pride.

All I have to do is keep focused on the big goal, showing that I'm doing absolutely fine, fine, fine.

For the record.

I have a feeling like I'm a ticking time bomb. Soon I'll definitely explode. I'm balancing around eighty different plates, yet all of them will definitely fall somewhere down the line. Not to mention Kou and his ghost friend. I'm concerned about what will happen, if something goes wrong it is all on me. My head is full of scribbles all marking different possibilities. So many ways I can fuck up, and very few paths lead to a win for me.

I need a break. Yes, today I'll just sit down and think of nothing. A day where I don't think of anything. I walk to the backyard so I can lay down and gaze at the sky. The lovely aqua hues and cotton candy clouds sprinkling the skies above. Focus on the little details. The shadows of the clouds, the way that the sky fades into a darker blue. But something still doesn't feel right. My stomach aches as if it was trying to remember an unpleasant memory. I focus even harder on the minuscule details, trying to suppress everything. I furrow my eyebrows, and shut my eyes tightly. The aching gets stronger and stronger, and my head becomes more scrambled. It's hard to breathe. I curl up into a ball and cover my eyes. The sound of static fills my ears and the ringing won't stop. Spinning, spinning, spinning. I don't know how to make it stop.

Thump!

"Huh?"

The ringing stops. I look around to see what made the odd sound. A peach fell. I look up at the peach tree and it stares at me, piercing into my skull. A strong headache follows, and my head starts to throb. Why is it so hard to forget? Something had drawn me towards the tree, and I climb on to try and satisfy the desires of my mind. It wants me to go to a specific branch, one extending towards (Y/N)'s old yard. I take a seat, and my head starts spinning, as if someone is ripping out a piece of my brain every second. I feel the need to vomit, but nothing comes out. I close my eyes again, hoping it will all go away. But it doesn't. She's back.

  "Oh, there you are. So why did you want me to come over here in the first place?" (L/N) asked.

"I didn't know that there was someone who looks like they're in my grade in this neighborhood."

  It was a really bad excuse. There were so many people from my school who lived on that exact street. Everyone admired me in 6th grade, and it wasn't pleasant. I had to meet everyone's expectations, and if I didn't I'd be shamed. The real reason I talked to her was so I had a sort of clean slate. She had no idea who I was and what standard I'm held to. I'd be a normal person to her and vice versa. I never thought that my popularity would carry on to middle school. I'd assumed that every other school had their group of well-known students, and once they all blended together I wouldn't be noticed.  Me and the only person who saw me as an equal could coexist happily.

I was naive and stupid. I should've just called it off. But there was something else about her that made it impossible for me to ignore her. She always made a joke in the worst of situations. She was brave, ready to take on everything even though she was guaranteed to lose. She never set high bars for me, even during middle school and freshman year. She was patient with me, and I was patient with her. She helped me. Whenever I felt useless, I knew that at least somebody still supported me. After a long day of training, I knew that I would get to see her afterwards. It brought a smile to my face.

But now? Look at me. Look at her. She's the one causing all of the turmoil now, but she has the audacity to try reasoning with me after all of this. It rubs salt in the wound. I can't move on. I could've just killed her and went on with it. But I didn't. There must be a reason. Something inside me said that I didn't have to go on with the exorcism. I was always told to listen to my gut feeling.

  "Teru-nii, are you well? You've been up there for a while, and well, y'know. Recent events." Kou asked, concerned.

  I don't say anything. I don't have to. I pat the empty spot on the branch, signaling him to sit with me.

  "You know, Nii-chan, I may not be the best exorcist, but maybe I can make for a good therapist." Kou nudged me as he made it to the branch.

  I give a small thankful smirk, glad that he is willing to help me.

  "I'm lost. What do I do with her?" I said.

  "This is your choice, but... You shouldn't be scared of giving people second chances. Although (Y/N)-senpai might've sinned, you need to think of all the good things she has done. I guess what I'm saying is, don't be too quick on making a decision," He pats my shoulder. "Give it time."

  "You know what, Kou?"

  "Hm?"

  "You'd make for a great therapist. Thank you for talking with me, I needed it. We should head back inside now, dinner will probably be ready soon." I complimented him. I wore a meaningful smile, showing my absolute gratitude.

  "Don't think too much about it. I'm just repaying you for whenever you helped me." He hopped of the tree and dusted off his shirt. "I'm gonna go help set up the table. If you need to, you can stay out here. I'll call you when dinner is ready." Kou waved, closing the door on his way out.

———————

holy fricc guys, 20k reads? You guys are way too kind. Basically this whole portion of the story will be Teru's POV, giving new insights and more information of his past relationships. idk but I think this is a banger. Always love perspective shifts, especially when it's the character that seems the most antagonistic.

anyways idk folks I've just been kinda lazy and whatever for a good while. I've started playing the arcana and it's pretty rad.

so I'm kinda at a loss for what book I should try writing next. any1 have any good ideas for books? i do b kinda having that yung writer's block. so yeah pls suggest ideas pls ty.

aaanyways I don't think I have much to say after that. On that note, I will leave you off with this image

i love natsuhiko