My Hero Academia: Hell Already Broke Loose Here

Chapter 3 - Squad Fuckers

"Izuku." Oh shit. I turn around to face a woman that looks similar to me except she doesn't have freckles, a feminine body, and long-straight green hair in a bun. I give her my brightest smile as I walk backward.

"Hi, Mom! What wonderful weather we have today, huh?! Too bad, I'm needed! I will talk to you soon-"

"Izuku Midoriya, you do not walk away from your mother when she is speaking to you, especially to avoid a scolding." You know, I have killed people. I have faced some seemingly scary people and didn't feel a drop of fear. The only reason I know fear is because of two things - Mom and germs. I don't know which is worst.

"Moooooom!" I whine as I walk back over to her.

"No momming me! Now, what did you do wrong?" I have had this talk so many times, and I still have no idea why it's wrong. I get that probably being mentally insane has something to do with that, but come on!

"Going out in public as Virus is a bad idea, I know, I know." Before you ask, yes, Mom knows about the whole mafia. She's our medic for the sha-bang. Did she approve it at first? Of course not! The reason she found out is that I told her so casually. Now, before you say that she should be stopping me, she has tried to. However, after much rebellion and her seeing the benefits, Mom decided to join because she can't stop me. I do whatever the fuck I want. I'm a fucking genius who can avoid the law! The best she can do is make sure I don't die.

"Yet, you still do it? I get that you struggle with social logic, but some things you don't need to know. You just accept it, sweetheart," Mom informs me with her arms crossed.

"That sounds fucking boring."

"Do you want to know what else will be boring? Nappy time."

"NOOOOOOOOOO! NO NAPPY!" Call me a fucking child, but I don't sleep. Well, I do. I sleep for an hour every two days. Not healthy, but I'm overdosed on energy over here. I blame God for that.

I blame God for everything wrong in my life, though mainly for forgetting my fucking quirk. He had everything else down from mentality to looks! He just forgot the damn quirk! I get that I would be OP, but come on! You made fucking All Might OP! I know it isn't his quirk, but that's close enough! Anyway, we need to get back to Mom.

Mom comes close to me before reaching her hand in my hair pets me gently. NO, MY THIRD WEAKNESS! "Shh...sleep..." Mom whispers.

Just like that, I drop into her arms like a wet noodle.

Someone is going to make a joke about my comparison, so I'm going to make everyone's life easier and do it for you.

What's my preference, you may be asking?

Well, I'm straight as spaghetti! That is until it gets

Hot and Wet.

Seriously, I'm asexual. Thanks, Papyrus, for that wonderful phrase I will forever spam in my life!

---

After a damn nap, I get to work on those cases Eraserhead gave me for a couple of hours. Most of the time, I look over everything and add any information I can. This means the information I shouldn't have, such as from the villains themselves. I have my connections. I'm a fucking mafia boss for fuck sakes! If I didn't have links, I would be dead by now!

I will tell you something about those cases: they are as dull and painful as waiting in the line for food. Not that I ever do that because I cook my family's diet because of trust issues. I do anything to prevent getting sick, but I digress.