My Hero Academia: Hell Already Broke Loose Here

Chapter 17 - Time to Wrap this UP!

Where the fuck am I?

Heaven?

Hell?

What am I talking about? With my luck, God and Satan probably made their first agreement together by saying I can just stay on Earth forever.

'Alright, God, here's the tea: we keep Izuku down there because he is going to screw up our world either way.'

'For once, I agree with you, Satan.'

Don't ask how I was created in the first place. For all I know, I was a one-night stand between the two. I just know they probably regret their decisions now when they look down upon me.

Jeez, I am so far gone if I'm talking about this.

I need to focus on the facts.

Fact number one: I'm still alive. I believe that if I were dead, my body wouldn't feel like it's trying to have a divorce with me. I kind of can't die anyway because Eri would be disappointed if I did.

Off-topic, but can Eri bring people back to life with her quirk? Wrong thing to be considering, and I'm certainly not planning on throwing a body in front of her and saying 'use your quirk on it and see if it comes back to life.' I deny she would have a problem with it considering the family she has, but I digress.

Moving on.

Fact number two: I can hear the fucking beeping of a heart machine. My god, it's pissing me off. I just want to reach over and punch it.

Wait, maybe I can. Just give me a moment-

"Oh fuck, that hurts like a buttcheek on a stick!"

"Izuku! You're finally awake!" A familiar child voice fills the air as I painfully feel her crawl in the bed with me. I open my eyes (ow, fuck my eyes) to see Eri beside me with a fussy look.

"Hey queen, what's up?" Besides the fact that I am pretty sure she is about to beat my ass for getting hurt. Don't ask me how she will manage it; she just will.

"You got hurt. Again," Eri says in such a harsh tone with her arms crossed. I might be scared of her now!

"To be fair, it wasn't on my to-do list."

"Excuses, excuses!" Jeez, she really has my attitude now.

"They aren't excuses if they are facts!"

"I still say they are excuses!"

Then, with my trash luck, my mom gets involved, " I can't help but agree with her, dear."

I sigh, " It's not like I go in and be like, 'hey, let's fight the world's top villain!' I usually plan before doing something like that!"

"I'm surprised you didn't have a plan."

"I did! Just under different circumstances! You know, like actually going in their base and killing him while he is asleep! Not start a fucking nuclear fight with him!" It's Mom's turn to sigh.

"I'm surprised you didn't actually do that."

"EXCUSE ME, BUT I HAPPEN TO BE VERY LOGICAL PERSON!"

"Sweetheart, I found you in a strip-bar drunk when you were supposed to be on an undercover mission."

"I don't know what you expect at that point. Anyway, can you explain to me what happened while I was out?"

"We lost you twice."

"Expected. You should know the upper beings don't want me by now, Mom!"

"You owe me a lot for the emotional trauma you put me through, young mister!"