Tropes and Cliches

Romanticized Abuse

So what is with the romanticization of abusive behaviors? Like I'm not even talking full on physical abuse. I'm talking controlling who someone can talk to, implementing curfews and diets they need to follow, and even giving thing X amount of money they're allowed to spend, if any at all.
So the first thing that comes to mind is the Fifty Shades trilogy. Like this 30 something year old guy comes in and essentially takes over a 21 year old's life. Selling her car, getting a bunch of new, up to date tech. Then he makes her go onto birth control because he don't like condoms. Like why? What if she doesn't like the side effects of birth control?
Romanticizing Abuse is something that isn't new. It's been around of years, and I can't even describe what is written. And when it's written 7 times out of ten it's always a man being the abusive on. When it's female, no one really bats an eye which is problematic all on its own, but let's dive in. And normally when there are subcategories for stuff, I do an "In General" Chapter follow by chapter dedicated to the different stuff, but I really just want to get this out the way. 

On the first level,  we have the Civilization or Planet of the Hats type situation. In a series called, and I can't make this up, Slave World it's sort of how society ended up after a war between England and Britian ( yes that is correct) but in different timelines. I'd rather not go into the details I read, and need to scrub clean my laptop's entire circuit board, but it's really fucked up. Rubber and latex is the fashion, consent is questionable, and I need a shower. 

Going down a level and getting slightly worse, is an organization. Like someone being forced to have sex with an entire gang or the ones in charge of the gang, even though they're dating the head hancho's right hand guy. The only thing I can think of is the work of the guy who possibly created of this trope ,Marquis de Sade (the guy "sadism" is named after) and all of it stays strictly in Romanticized Abuse territory, being about unrestrained sadism rather than mutual sadomasochism. It's tinged with political satire about how hypocritical, oppressive, and unjust the socioeconomic system really was, but mostly his work is chock full of fetish appeal and Author Appeal, and is generally not considered to rise far above the level of pornography. 

On the next to last level, we got Couples, who are more often than not married. Now sex isn't always invovled, in fact, it's really common in Young Adult stories. Bella had the possessive Edward that later evolved into the mess of Fifty Shades of Grey( the author said it started out as a fanfic of Twilight) that is basically abuse. iCarly ,a show geared towards children, has Freddie and Sam. Even though the abuse between them is Played for Laughs,because nothing is more hilarious than a girl beating a guy ( it's really not), fans started shipping them after the first episode aired. The writers even have Sam say that she started developing feelings for him after he was ran over by a biker and was lying on the ground, bleeding from his ear. Yikes.

And Finally, we got the individuals. Now this is something that is really up to the writer, going back to Fifty Shades, Christian literally controls every aspect of Ana's life. What she eats and when, her reproductive rights and got mad when she turned up pregnant, etc. It's weird. 

When you're writing abuse( especially sexually), take in mind of your audience. How exactly do you want to respond/ react? With Law and Order SVU, a show where rape, sexual assaults, and other heinous crimes are talked about, you want that discussion. Why do female abusers not get caught or charged appropriately? What kind of religion protect abusers? Why is this like this? We want to get that ball rolling, but never romanticize it. Jealousy is a common feeling in relationships, but when the other party involved is telling you not to speak to your coworker or to find a job with people of the same gender, then it's a problem.  How did they even find this cult? It's a disturbing trope that people don't take seriously. Why? Well society. When it comes to men being abused in any shape or form, it's brushed off becaue they're men.  

Okay back to less disturbing tropes.