If I can't be with you, an R5 story

Q&A

Everyone was laughing and joking around as they answered questions from the fans, until one came that was a serious question. Not just, who does the worst robot dance. One fan asked if they have ever been in love, ellington said yes with a huge grin. Riker, ross and Rydel all said they were once. Rocky, he broke into such a big smile I thought he'd split his face in half.

"Yeah, I am at the moment actually." He answered, turning and smiling at me. My heart skipped a few beats as my breath caught in my throat. Love? I-isn't it to soon for love? I don't know if I'm ready for love. Rocky had looked away now, I let my panic sweep through to the surface. Love? I know I could love Rocky, but this is my first relationship. I don't know what love is, how you tell, when you say it. I felt the sudden urge to throw up, rise within me.

Dashing for the back door the urge to throw up crept up my throat as my mouth turned sour. Throwing the back door open i bent over and began retching. As I puked up my breakfast, lunch and dinner I felt guilt crunch and twist my insides.

Rocky just said he loved me and I'm out here throwing up. My cheeks felt warm, I brushed my cheek with the back of my hand and it came back wet. Hot tears were streaming down my face. Done throwing up, since nothing was left, I stumbled a few feet away and sat on the curb. My head in my hands, my shoulders shook from the force of my guilty sobs.

The back door opened, I straitened up and tried to pretend to be fine. Rydel came out the door, looking around until her eyes landed on me. Quickly she scurried over to me and plopped down beside me on the curb, her arm wrapped around my shoulder. "Are you okay? The boys are joking around on stage. I saw you run off and told them I had to go to the bathroom." She explained, a sad smile on her face.

"He overwhelmed you didn't he?" Rydel asked, tears welled up in my eyes as I nodded. "Oh...its okay, he falls fast. You know Rocky would never pressure you into saying or doing anything you didn't want to." Rydel said, pulling a pink handkerchief out of her jacket pocket and handing it to me. "I know... I just don't want to tell him that... That I don't love him back. Don't get me wrong! I will, I mean.. I really really like Rocky but.. Love. Love is a huge thing. I've never really dated, let alone..told someone that I love them." I said, the relief of saying that felt like a weight off my twisted up stomach.

"Tell him when you're ready, olivia. That's all anyone could ask for." Rydel stood up and brushed off her butt before ducking back in the back door. Talking to Rydel really made me feel better. I no longer had the urge to throw up. Not that anything would have come up. I wiped my face with Rydel's handkerchief before tossing it in the garbage, she wouldn't want that after I wiped my barf up with it.

Popping some gum I grasped the doorknob and walks back inside.