Let Me be Mine

What Happened to Me? (Part 1)

Yesterday, Kit has told me that today I will be interviewed by the recruitment committe as the next step from registration. Today, I want to submit my form. Then, do the interview. I go to the student wall magazine room. But, the students prefer to called it "magz basecamp" or just basecamp. The room is not too big, but it is full of students creation such as painting, drawing, handmade art, even some famous design from the alumnas. In the basecamp, I am stared by several recruitment committees, but I don't care. Maybe, it is because they are in the same generation as me. They probably little bit know about me. Oh, it makes me feel nervous.
"Fiola Prior" a girl who sitting on the chair calls me,
"Yes, I am" I approach her,
"Okay sit down, please" she asks me to sit down on the chair in front of her.
"I'm Cho Selena, you just call me Selena. I'm from 11 A Science and I will be your interviewer today", she is very friendly and beautiful. When I look her face and hear the name, it appears that she has chinese blood.
"Nice to meet you Selena" I reply with smile,
"Nice too, could you introduce yourself such as your name, class, and tell me about yourself",
"I,, I am Fiola Prior from class 11 D Science", I'm getting nervous because behind Selena there are several students look at me while interview. I start to feel uncomfortable and feel little bit afraid. I take deep breath and start to focus.
"Good, but you can tell me more, maybe your hobby, or your personality, or what else. It is time for us to know more about yourself". Oh damn it, what I have to say now.
"My hobby is reading novel and watching movie. A,,actually I am an introvert person" It must be crazy, I tell the truth about myself to Selena. Whereas, it is an interview, If I want to be accepted I have to make myself as good as possible. Oh, poor me. But, let it be. I prefer to be honest. I trust with myself.
"Wow, It's great. You prefer to be alone, but you want to join an organization. Then, what is your reason to join our wall magazine team?",
"Because I want to be better",
"Just that?"
"Uhhm, I.."
"Wait, are you sick Fiola? Your face is so pale"
"I'm sorry, I have to go to the toilet first"
I get out from the room and go to the toilet with running. I don't know, I feel like I have forced myself to answer those questions. Moreover, I forget that I didn't know them before. It must be difficult for me to control my fearness of strange people.
I try to be calm. Looking myself at the mirror. I wish there is Kit, but he can't accompany me because he has to attend the other extracurricular. I come back to the room.
"Are you sure want to continue our interview? I can let you to take a rest now. And then, we'll continue it tomorrow", Selena says,
"No problem, I am okay now. But if you don't mind I want to reply your next question without staring people here. I know it is impolite for you, but I must. How about that?" It is the only way for anticipate the worse thing. I just want to hear the sound, not see their face.
"But why?, is there any problem"
"No, I,, I just afraid" while wipe my sweat.
"Okay, if it makes you better. No problem"
"Thanks a lot Selena",
"Oh, I feel sorry to look you Fio".
Then, I go home with dissapointed feeling. I just realize that I haven't changed since long time. Feeling extremely afraid of strange people when the first time I do contact with them. Couldn't speak fluently, even very wanted to stayed away from them. Today, I just understand that I still same. I thought that I was okay until now, but I was wrong. It was because I didn't want to try to make any contact with new people around me. I couldn't see myself as truly. I just feel comfortable with myself. So, everything just looks fine. But It's totally wrong. Actually, what happened to me?