My Mate, My Luna

Ch. 12 Longing

Allison

In the hours leading up to when Tate was coming to pick me up, I was frantically searching through my wardrobe to find something, anything cute to wear. Blue Sundress with white polka dots, no. Black skinny jeans with my white blouse, not cute enough. Jean skirt with my green lace top, that won't do. Clothes were flinging everywhere!

"STOP!" McKenna finally yelled at me. "Damn girl, you are losing your mind!"

I turned and looked at her, I know the panic was evident on my face. "I have NOTHING to wear!"

McKenna was always the sanity to my craze, she walked over to my dresser and after rummaging around, handed me a pile of clothes, pointing to the bathroom by she said, "Go change." I hesitated for just a second, which was long enough for her to grow impatient with me, "NOW!" She emphasized by putting her hands on her hips and tapping her toe and a glare in her eye telling me not to mess with her.

A few minutes later I walked out in a pair of dark wash overalls that were cuffed about mid-calf and a white tank top underneath. To finish off my outfit, McKenna handed me a white pair of Keds. "Seriously Kenz?!? I look like Kelly Kapowski! " I rolled my eyes referencing the old Saved By the Bell episodes that McKenna made me watch after her mother had turned her on to the show.

"Nothing wrong with that, she was cute just like you."

"Whatever." I said rolling my eyes at her again.

"Now get over here so I can do your hair." By the time McKenna was done she had straightened my hair, which was not an easy feat, there was a lot of it, and it was curly. Once she was done, she applied a light blush and soft eye shadow to 'highlight my assets' as she so nicely put it, finishing off with a clear gloss on my lips. "Perfect! Well my job here is done. Have fun!" She gave me a quick hug.

"Thank you Sweetpea, I don't know what I would do without you."

"I know, Jolly. Now, don't do anything I wouldn't do. " She winked and turned leaving me to wait for Tate.

I grabbed my phone and realized that I still had about an hour before Tate would get to my house to pick me up. Sighing I left my room, walking to my mothers' room. In the last couple of weeks I really haven't taken very good care of her. Not that it should be my job to do it, but I knew if I didn't one would. Well, I couldn't say that exactly, McKenna's mother, Mrs. Jones, was my mother's best friend and she came over every day to help me with my mom. In fact, she was going to be caring for my mother when I left for school at the end of the summer. I hated to ask her to do it, but I didn't have any other options and of course she accepted immediately.

"Hey Mom!" I said with surprise as I saw her sitting up on her bed. This was not something that was typical. Usually she would have been forced to sit up and even then, it was a struggle.

"Hi Baby." She whispered, giving me a weak smile. "You look cute."

"Thanks," I smiled and sat next to her leaning my head onto her shoulder.

A few silent minutes passed, I just sat next to my mother soaking up the moment, times like this didn't happen very often. My mom wrapped her arm around me pulling me into her and started talking, "I'm sorry baby ..."

I cut her off, "You don't have to be sorry."

"Just, shh... and listen to me." My mother cut back in. "I am sorry. You deserved a better mother than I am. After we lost your father, I lost myself and no matter how much I wanted too, I just can't find my way back. Losing him broke me in a way that I hope you will never have to know. "

I bit back the tears that were welling in my eyes knowing that if I left them fall, she would stop talking and I didn't want her to stop. I missed her voice, I missed her, so I was going to take whatever bit of her she was going to give me.

"I love you so much and I am so proud of who you are and the young, strong woman you have become. You are going to make an excellent doctor. " She squeezed me tighter. "I know you found your mate. It's written all over you. " She smiled, "I'm happy for you."

"I'm not sure it's that simple."

"It's only as difficult as you make it. You two are designed to love each other. The perfect fit, you are the moon to his sun. He is the light to your dark. It is the way the Goddess intended it. She pairs souls together based on balance, we are fools into thinking that we can reject or push away our Mates. Please, give him a chance and don't let him slip away from you, it's something you will always regret. We are not designed to live without them, although we can if we choose to. " I just listened to my mother speak, I knew that nothing I said was going to alter what she thought.

"I hope you find that he loves you and you love him as much as your father and I loved each other. You deserve that and so much more. Goddess knows that I haven't done right by you since losing your father. " She was now crying silent tears, "I'm so sorry I haven't been strong enough, that I didn't give you everything you deserved." I could see the longing in her eyes, the same longing that had been there since my father's passing, but it was also mixed with despair which I can only imagine was both from missing my father but also feeling that she had failed me.

"Oh mom," I got up and kneeled in front of her looking up, I wiped the tears from her face. "I never faulted you, you have nothing to worry about. I love you. " I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her in against my body relishing in the first real hug I had gotten from my mother in a long time. She was right, you could live without your mate if you so chose, wolves did it all the time. However, it was usually different when one of the Mates was killed, like with my father. I knew the only reason my mother was still here was because of me, she was trying to hold on, trying to fight until she knew I was okay.

Looking into her eyes I whispered, "I wish things were as simple as just being able to love my Mate."

"Oh, but it is. You will see that one day. " She placed her hand on my cheek. "I love you, baby. Now, I'm tired and need to lay down. " I helped my mother lay back in bed and I covered her up.

Walking to the kitchen I grabbed her something to drink and sandwich, not knowing when the last time she ate. I am a horrible daughter if I don't know when she ate last, I scolded myself. Leaving the food on her nightstand I clicked on her small light and said, "There is some food, please eat it."

She offered me no response as I walked out of her room to a knock on the front door.

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A / N: This one is a bit shorter and a bit heavier. Hey .. it can't all be light and fun.

I promise the next chapter will be much longer and much more fun :)

I would love to hear what you think so far!