You're Still Drunk

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"A sky full of stars

and he was staring at her"


-Atticus



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After the dramatic scene at the party we'd all rushed back to the Chateau. John B had wordlessly fallen into bed, nursing his wounds with an ice pack Kie had fetched for him. 

Kie and Pope had gone home, after asking us a million times if we'd be okay. Everyone seemed stressed and exhausted from the night's events, and there was some tension around them and JJ still.

"You can take the couch, I'll sleep on the floor" JJ offered quietly, swaying a bit, but not waiting for my response and already pulling a pillow and a blanket from the closet to throw onto the floor. He tossed me a blanket and I caught it tiredly, only to be hit in the head with yet another heavy blanket.

"What the fuck" I whispered.

"You're gonna be cold" he smirked. "Don't want your ass waking me up in the middle of the night".

I laughed. He had a point, I was known for always being cold. To John B and JJ's amusement, I could get cold at the beach in the middle of a summer heatwave, as long as there was just a slight breeze blowing.

I layered the blankets on the couch, and then snuggled under them, yawning.

Plop. My world turned black as JJ covered me with yet another quilt, and before I could swat it off I felt his weight on my body as he landed over me.

"Get off!" I squealed, my voice heavily muffled from under the pile of blankets, trying to push him off to no avail. "I'm sorry, what was that? Couldn't hear you", he mocked, not budging from my feeble attempts. His words were slurred, no doubt judgement still impaired from the countless beers he'd chugged before the fight and the amount of weed he'd smoked to calm his nerves after.

"JJ, stoooop" I whined, giggling. He peeled the blanket off just my face, so I was like an Athena burrito with just my face sticking out, still unable to stop laughing.

"There you are", he smirked, an arm on either side of me as he looked down at me, mop of blond hair flopped down into his forehead and eyes. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't cold".

"You're still drunk aren't you?" I laughed.

"Maybe a little".

Suddenly I was very aware that he was quite literally on top of me. I was hyper-aware of the presence of his warm body, now hovering over mine.

"JJ? Can we talk?" He could tell immediately from my tone of voice that the mood had changed. He tensed.

"I'd rather not" he deadpanned.

"Get off me you fat lump". Taking advantage of the moment to catch him off guard, I gave him a hard shove and he fell off of me and into place next to me on the couch. "Oy!" he whined good-naturedly, "I'm not fat! This is pure muscle". He flexed his pecs at me for effect. 

"Whatever you saayyy" I sang, throwing a pillow at his head, which he easily caught and placed behind his head, leaning back.

We fell into a comfortable silence for a second before I ruined it again. "JJ, I'm serious".

"I was just helping John B, okay? What is it with you guys?", he burst out, his tone rising.

"Hey", I said soothingly. "I know. It's just-" I grab his arm, drawing soothing random patterns in it, like I'd done since we were kids. I used to trace letters and pictures into his arm or his back and he would try to guess what it was. The childish game had turned into something I did to calm him down over the years, as he started going through more and more with his family, and I with mine. 

I tried again, "It's just, you kind of lost it a little back there".

He stayed quiet for a few moments, allowing me to trace my fingers on his forearm gently.

"I do that sometimes", he whispered. He still avoided contact with me, looking away when I tried to move in front of him.

"I just got really... angry". He finally looked at me, and I could see the sadness and shame behind his eyes. "I'm not like that, I don't wanna be like that, I don't wanna be like-", he mumbled, stumbling over his words. "Like my-, I just-".

"Shh." I pulled him in for a hug, putting my face on his chest and wrapping my arms around him tightly. "Its okay".

"It's been getting worse" he whispered into my neck, voice wavering.

I lifted my head, looking into his eyes, "Your dad? JJ.". Our faces were dangerously close

"I'm fine. I'll be fine". He looked at me. I wonder if he too, could feel our heartbeats racing against each other, thumping out of our chests that were pressed together, like our hearts wanted to exit our bodies and bounce off each other instead.

Was it just me that noticed the palpable tension, or did he feel it too?

I broke the moment, pulling away from his gaze and placing my head back onto his chest. He was being drunk and vulnerable with his friend, that was all.

"You need to get out of there, J".

"Yeah? And go where?"

We both already knew the answer. Kie or Pope's parents would never let him stay, citing him as the bad influence of the group. We all stayed here a lot, but John B himself was fighting tooth and nail to be able to stay and avoid getting kicked out by DCS.

 Me? Well, when we were younger he used to come over a lot. We used to avoid my brother and his thugs together, running around until Barry inevitably kicked him out. As we got a bit older we would sneak around, stealing a bit of weed from Barry here or there to smoke our first joints out on the hammocks. 

But things had gotten worse for me too, and the past few times JJ had come over it had ended quite badly between him and Barry, who had promptly kicked him out and "banished" him from the household. If JJ stepped foot in my house it would end very badly for sure.

I stayed silent, beginning to stroke his arm again.

His head flopped to the side and I could tell from his breathing he'd dozed off. I looked at him for a little, noticing how peaceful he looked in his sleep. I sighed quietly, not knowing what to do with my frustration. I'd had the suspicion that JJ's dad was much more abusive than he let on for quite a while, and I think tonight had confirmed it. There had to be something I could do to help my friend.

My friend, who made me feel like my heart was beating out of my chest whenever he pulled me close. My friend, who sometimes I thought looked at me like we were more than friends, but mostly left me to question whether it was all in my head.

Oh, JJ.

I wondered if he'd remember this conversation in the morning.





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