chapter fourteen

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oh, my love. can't you see that you're on my mind?

today i was feeling unusually depressed. maybe because it was the absence of friends or because of my pms, but i felt gloomy and felt like crying for zero reasons.

i tweeted with no intention, just me getting bored.

y/t/n: 😔✨

y/t/n: sad in style

jschlatt: call me. they don't call me the funny man for nothing.

i smiled at the tweet and went along with it, facetiming him while i snuggled up with my blankets. he responded almost as quickly as i called. "what's wrong," he asked right away.

i sighed and shook my head. "i'm not sure. maybe it's just some 'gamer absence' or my pms." i could see him cringe at such a word that references a normal, womanly thing. "what can i say, schlatt? i'm just a girl, a little old me."

he chuckled at the song reference. "well, i won't let you out of my sight." he shuffled around in his chair. i could tell he was at his desk from recognizing the setting from videos. "how can i make you feel better?"

i pouted. "by you being here in san diego with me?"

"you know i can't just do that."

"i know, it was just a thought, but it would be nice." i sighed softly and repositioned myself a little. "you're supposed to be the funny guy, you should know how to make me feel better!"

"yeah but i can't be the funny guy when you're so sad!" he replied to me as he placed his hands behind his head. "tell me what's making you so sad."

i thought for a second. "i don't know, everything? i'm worried about our relationship, my relationship with my brother, just everything is kinda shit and standing still for me."

he nodded a little. "elaborate about the brother thing. maybe telling me what you're worried about will make you feel better."

"well, let's see," i said after breathing in very heavily. i didn't want to cry. "i don't feel like he'll forgive me, but i don't know what for. he's just so against me having a boyfriend. i just need him to fucking respect me or something."

schlatt pursed his lips for a couple of seconds before speaking again. "shit... wow, fuck, i'm really-"

i cut him off, as i didn't want him to apologize for something that wasn't his fault. "it's not your fault, schlatt! he's just a jerk right now, he'll get over himself some other time. i don't think there's any advice to be given here."

he nodded along with me. "well, tell me about your how you're worried about our relationship."

i bit my lip softly. i didn't want him to be upset at my stupid thoughts. i hesitated before i started to speak. "i don't know. the distance just fucks with me. what if we just grow apart from each other? it's terrifying to think about but- isn't it realistic?"

he knitted his eyebrows together in confusion. "you really think so? y/n, i wouldn't ever. you're the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time and i would never want to get rid of that. if you're really worried it, i'm happy to do whatever it'll take to make you comfortable."

at this point, i was at the brim with tears. "schlatt, i'm talking about the near three-thousand miles you are away from me. i hate you being so far away. i want to be able to feel you, hug you, kiss you, hold your goddamn hand. it's so selfish but i just want you with me."

he got out of his position of leaning back to get closer to the camera, going on the edge of his seat. "trust me, y/n, i feel the same way too, but we just need to live with it for now. i'll soon enough move out and then we can see each other face to face. don't you worry about the distance."

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