The Phoenix Ghost

Names, Coups, Miscommunications and a Lost Chance

I've written a massive update for you lovely people 😝 Enjoy!

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I'd been a little pissed off that Phil had taken the unilateral decision to give me general anaesthetic when he and Dr. Sam realised I had uterine atony. Did Phil not think with all the revision I'd done on multiples pregnancies in my medical notes that I wouldn't have reviewed all the potential risks and prepared myself for the possibilities? Then Iris had reminded me that at the time, I had already gone into melt down because my Blackbourne men were absent at the birth of our children.

Dammit.

I have to stop thinking of them that way. They ended us. They don't belong to me anymore. So maybe under the circumstances, Phil had had a point because if I'd been my patient, I'd have knocked myself out too to prevent even more excessive bleeding from exertion.

I'd woken up late the next morning, the day after my babies were born, to a beautiful sight - all six of my Toma men and my twin were each holding one of my babies, looking at them with such expressions of love and awe. I glowed from the feelings of joy and contentment I felt. I'd gotten the opportunity to love them all and call them my family.

That only happened with the Tomas because the Blackbourne's left you, my sub conscience whispered to me.

And it was true. Because I'd never know what it would've felt like to have the Blackbourne team here for the birth of our children, I couldn't imagine feeling happier and more content then I did right now. I still felt sad for our children that their fathers were not here, but they did not lack for daddies. It is really Owen, North, Sean, Kota, Silas, Luke, Gabriel, Victor and Nathan's loss the most and my heart hurt for them as well as our children for that reason.

So I listened to Axel, Raven, Brandon, Corey, Marc, Kevin and Iris talking sweet baby gibberish to the septs as they got to know our babies and I enjoyed the path I'd been pushed down in happiness instead of grief.

'Tja god morgon, mamma. Det är bra att se dig vaken, älskling.' (Well good morning, mama. It's good to see you awake, sweetheart.) Mak was grinning widely at me from the doorway, the first to realise I was awake.

'Malen'kiy plevok!' (Little spitfire!)

'My Jewel!'

'Dream girl!'

'My reason!'

'Sweet pea!'

'Star-shine!'

'Sissy!' Iris rushed over with one of my daughters in her arms to give me a side hug which I returned before I was attacked with kisses from all sides by my men.

'God morgon till er också, Pops! Jag är glad att vara vaken och när jag kan se dig vill jag ha en ordentlig kram.' (Good morning to you too, Pops! I'm happy to be awake and when I can see you, I want a proper hug, please.) I giggled feeling overwhelmed as I received and gave hugs and kisses to my men and my babies. As they all backed away from the bed, Mak came forward and gave me a hug and a kiss on my forehead. Then I was seeing all seven of my children for the first time and my eyes filled with tears,

'Eto schastlivyye slezy, da, mama spitfayr?' (Those are happy tears, yes, mama spitfire?) Raven asked me grinning nervously,

'Yes, teddy bear, they're happy tears!' Sang gave him a watery smile,

'Am I being a biased mother when I say these are the most gorgeous babies ever?' I ask my family in wonder as my eyes ate up the sight of my seven tiny miracles who were unbelievably all awake and quiet as they looked back at me. Iris laughed, cheeky as always,