Love knocks again (Arnav Khushi Fan Fiction)- Completed

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Arnav for the first time in one month was not living in external chaos. His mother had gone back to their hometown after the doctor has given green signal.

Arnav loved his mother like any son would, but even he has to admit that the past one month was his worst experience with her. Not just because she threw all tantrums that any sick person is entitled to, she also made it her number one priority to guilt trip him into agreeing to settle down. How many times did she expect him to settle down?

Every time Arnav lost his patience and was about give his mother his two cents, his father stopped him with warning eyes and cagey nod. So, Arnav endured the month turning deaf ears to his mother and blind eye to Lavanya.

Now, when Arnav settled on his couch with much needed scotch on the rocks, the chaos of his heart and mind, that caused by Khushi's message, came back with a vengeance.

Arnav opened his phone and read her text again.

'I love you'

These words seemed magically embossed in the otherwise simple green screen of his chat app.

He should feel exhilarated. Why was he feeling guilty?

Arnav put away his phone and took a generous sip of his drink. He was going to get slouched until the sleep that was playing hide and sick with him for the past one month was forced to embrace him.

On a cautious note, he switched off his phone in the fear of drunk dialling Khushi. He doesn't want to embarrass him more than he already has, does he?

"I love you, Arnav, with my whole heart."

Arnav could hear it in her voice. He imagined her saying it looking into his eyes, slightly nervous, with glowing eyes and mischievous smile. He imagined her to pronounce his name stressing the middle and letting the last syllable flow freely. She rarely said his name that way. Perhaps when she is happy enough to let her guard down in front of him, and every time she does, his heart would increase pace unbelievably.

"With my whole heart."

It felt more like a taunt. Arnav deserved every bit of it.

Whole.

When was the last time he even felt whole?

Arnav snatched the whole bottle from the table in front of him and walked to the balcony.

"Khushi." He let his lips savour her name before he let the bitter liquor wash the feel.

How does he even let her know how much he loves her? Yes, loves. No one can accuse Arnav Singh Raizada of being dense. Of course he knows what he feels is love. When such an intense feeling knocks on the head every time he even thinks about her, it is hard to miss it.

Arnav had the kind of life where you learn all the wrongs before you identify what is right for you. He once lived with a woman he barely loved. He also lived with a woman he thought he loved. So, when now he has found a woman who seems like all his hope and prayer wrapped in one, he knows this is the real deal.

Doesn't Khushi realize that he can give her all the love she deserves and more? All she has to do is only ask. Well, she has asked indeed, not for just love, but commitment. The one thing he was incapable of giving.

Why does every woman want from a man something he cannot give her?

Archana wanted his rationality.

Tanisha wanted his surrender.

Now, Khushi wanted the whole of him.

What to do when the whole of him is only a myth? He has been broken into millions of pieces that there is hardly anything left to give her.

'Settling for bits and pieces of you is like an insult to my feelings.'

Alas! The bits and pieces are the only parts of him left.

Khushi was as whole as they come. She was intelligent, honest, strong and very very beautiful. She also had Vihaan. She was the epitome of whole. Arnav on the other hand was broken and blistered.

When two marriages fail back to back, you have to admit that you are incapable of keeping a woman happy.

Arnav feared that it won't be long before he will let Khushi down, let Vihaan down. He shuddered at the thought. Arnav will be the worst example as a father. What is with a man not being able to hold long time relationships? If he becomes even a small part of Vihaan's relationship, he is only going to scare the boy about agility of love and marriage.

Arnav is one unfortunate soul who lived through seeing hatred in eyes of the women who he thought he were supposed to be love of his life. If he happens to see same in eyes of Khushi, that will be the end of him.

Marriages are bound to fail. She is going to hate him. His inefficiency is going to make sure of it. He has done it twice, he could do it again.

They both are better off without him.

But, is Arnav better off without them?

"Khushi." Arnav uttered her name again trying to feel closer to her.

Can he live without her? Without looking at her? Without talking to her? Without having her as part of his life?

Who will he go to when he is happy or sad or angry or upset or just plain alive? Without her, he might as well stop living his life.

True love is the worst of addictions. Once you have experienced it, it becomes hard to go back to a life where there can be no sign of it. Your whole existence is tangled with the one who you love. Without them, even breathing becomes curse of life.

Arnav's insecurity built a wall of thorns around the castle of dreams that Khushi's love was trying to built in his heart. The scars of his past blinded any light love was throwing in his way.

'Hope someday you love yourself enough to let you live again.'

Like that is ever going to happen. Can this not be a Bollywood movie where she takes up the responsibility of loving him enough for both of them and he can live again with her beside him?

Arnav struggled to keep his eyes open as the effects on alcohol kicked inside his body. In deep intoxication, he murmured, "I love you, Khushi, wholly, but I am not whole."

***

If you are spoiled enough by stories or books that allow declarations of love only after something dramatic or eye opening happens, then I am sorry this one isn't of that kind. This is a slow burn romance and realization is lead by all the interactions in the past. It isn't 'magic' moment that comes out of nowhere because of one incident.

All now left is for Arnav to take a leap of faith in terms of commitment. Who do you think will make him see light? Guess!

Also, I expected someone to ask in the previous chapter how commitment and marriage became synonymous in their case. Well, that line is blurred because of Vihaan. Without Vihaan in the picture, they both can try something from dating to live in, but with him, their only hope of giving themselves a chance is through marriage. If you had already guessed it, then I am happy :)