Entry #9

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LET ME BE THE ONE~•~

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LET ME BE THE ONE
~•~

"Jhonson please!" Sigaw ko at hinila ang braso niya. Napalingon naman siya sa akin at tinitigan ako, "Sabihin mo sakin kung bakit ka aalis? Kasi kung hindi mo sasabihin sa akin iisipin ko lang na ako ang dahilan ng pag-alis mo!"

"Shannon please." He answered. Pulling his arms away from my grip even makes me feel hurt. "It's-- You're not the reason Shannon. Just please let me be." He said.

I felt my heart stabbed by a knife, not just one, but many.

"Then tell me! Tell me why all of this are happening! Tell me what goes wrong and how it all started!" I blurted. I can't keep this emotions on my own anymore, the more I keep this to my self the more heavier it becomes.

"Shannon please shut up! Wala ka ng ginawang mabuti kundi isumbat sa akin kaartehan mo!" Sigaw niya pabalik kaya napatahimik ako. Kaartehan? All this time kaartehan lang ang tingin niya sa mga rants ko patungkol sa nararamdaman ko? He doesn't really care about what I feel does he?

"Didn't you even think about a second kung gusto ko bang marinig yan?! Sumbat dito! Sumbat doon! Puro ka kaartehan! Do you expect me to listen to any of that?!"

"You're supposed to!" Singhal ko tinulak siya. "It was you're responsibility! Ginulo mo ang tahimik kong mundo saying that you love me! Saying that you won't hurt me! All you've said were lies!" Umiiyak kong sigaw habang pinagsusuntok ang dibdib niya.

Napahagulhol nalang ako at binaon ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya. I'm hurt- no, I'm already broken.

"You said that all I have to do is love you, and the rest will fall upon you. You tricked me. You fooled me." I said and looked up to him. I stared into his eyes and moves away from him.

"Let's end this." Sabi ko at pinunasan ang luha at sipon ko.

"Shannon..." sabi niya inabot ako. Before I felt his fingers touched me ay lumayo na ako.

"I don't want to hear any of your excuses." I tried to sound tough but damn eyes can't stop crying. "Let me be the one to end this, I don't want to be with you anymore." Sabi ko at umalis sa harapan niya.

Ending this is for the both of us. Sinagip ko lang ang sarili ko sa mga mas possibleng sakit na makukuha ko kung magpapakatanga ako sakanya, and I've also saved him from chains of responsibility.

He has responsibilies he has to fulfill and he can't take those anymore. Napilitin nalang siyang manatili because of those. He's hurting me and I'm hurting him.

Because I want him to fulfill those. Not thinking if he still wants to.

So it's better letting everything go, because the more you hold on the more pain you receive. Don't fight for something that isn't worth fighting for. Learn to let go even if it hurts.

Kasi yan lang ang paraan para mapasaya mo ang mga taong sawa na sayo. Don't broke yourself for someone who won't even try building you even if he's more broken than you.

"Thank you for all the pain, I'll take those as a lesson." I said one last time before dissapearing from his life.

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