Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)

Second Person, Nine

Second Person, Nine

You're avoiding Mark Sloan like the plague because you know he'll know the moment he sees you and her.

You know you're far from subtle, and you know this has worked in his favor before. You're avoiding HIM so hard you run smack into HER.

She's calmer than you. Of course, she is. She has every reason to be, other than the fact you almost knocked her over a stairwell.

But Meredith Grey is still calm, and she tells you it's not your fault when it probably is.

You say thank you because you don't know what else you can say. And when she says "you're welcome" you want to say more.

So you say "sorry about the bomb" because what you really wanna say is 'I'm so fucking glad YOU didn't DIE, then.'

But you can't say that because she'll know you like her because no one says shit like that to her still-husband-in-name's current girlfriend for no damn reason.

So all she says is "you didn't put it there. Or if you did, then I'm glad that you suck at building bombs to go off."

And the way that she smirks at you after she says her sarcastic comment makes you weak at the knees.

And you actually reach for the railing because you think you might fall even though nothing happened except Meredith smirking.

But she thinks it's her fault because she's collided with you so she holds you up. She actually touches you. She supports you.

And you think YOU might DIE, just from how nice it feels to feel the weight of yourself taken off for a second, and leaned on her too-scrawny bony shoulders that you can't stop, but admire.

Meredith holds you up now. She holds you up, just like she's been metaphorically holding you up, since you arrived from New York, in Seattle. She holds you up, while she's simultaneously breaking you down, also- (but not on purpose, of course, for either of those two things...). Because you know you shouldn't want this so much, and that she'll never want this so much, to be more.

You shouldn't want her this much.

But you do, you still do.

And she doesn't know.

And she won't ever know.

Because eventually she lets go of you, after all, and you're alone in the stairwell.

And she goes to find Derek Shepherd, her boyfriend, and you keep dodging Mark.

And you wish that she'd never left you, then, or at all, ever. But then again, she probably wishes you'd never left HIM, then, or at all, ever.

Be that Mark or even Derek as the 'him' in that last one. You don't know, and you might never know. Because again, you're not even sure which was worse of the two.

-Addison Montgomery

In her personal diary. Which is hidden over the tall bookshelf now. Because if Mark comes into this room, he might find it on you, if it were elsewhere.

****** END OF CHAPTER NINE

Other Author's Note:

The only reason I'm able to publish this one so fast is from all your encouragement, seriously! I love all of it. I hang on every word.

Talk with you soon in the comments!

Hope you liked the MerAdd interaction.

bobbiejelly

And of course, onto the dedications:

Ao3:

Thanks to Arahneia for the lovely words and Also, of course, thanks to AddisonAddek and LordOfLezzies, all on Ao3

AddisonAddek for wanting more and commenting (a heck-ton) today, plus LordOfLezzies (also, because you're super) and Hotgitay who commented yesterday.

Arahneia, AddisonAddek, Dragoncatcher123, LordofLezzies, and Hotgitay as well as 1 guest left kudos on this work! 51 hits so far.

Fanfiction:

smountain for the lovely review and 86 people for the views.

Wattpad:

Thanks for the most WONDERFUL shout-out comment from JordynMarie05 .

myfairlilymunster  for the comments and 79 reads and 31 stars.

danielaperezsurga , JordynMarie05 , Unicornbaby78 , myfairlilymunster , outlawqueenpercabeth , naylorholby , AddisonAddek  and probably some others who don't show up on my phone, voted on this, thanks.

Also THANKS to everyone else who reads this someday, and to a friend in 'real-life' who beta'ed this for me. Much love.

Ps. Reccomending reading Soothe today if you want to check that out because hint-hint I might be updating it soon.

bobbiejelly