Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)

Second Person, Eleven

Second Person, Eleven

You're not sure how you ended up like this. Hands coated in blood. Screaming at the top of your lungs. Meredith Grey right beside you. You're not screaming at her, though. She just happens to be there.

It was supposed to be a routine operation. The woman needed cancer treatment. So you operated.

You had Grey as your resident and you tried not to make it too weird for either of you.

And then everything started failing and the patient kept crashing and then the patient was dying.

And there's was nothing you or anyone else could do about it. So you just stood there. She just stood there.

She was not the only resident; there were also her friends Izzie and Cristina and Alex.

Actually all of them were there, even George.

You think it was because Richard wanted them to watch you shine in the surgery, but that plan backfired because she died on the table.

You try not to cry in front of your student, so you wash your hands in the scrub room and get the blood off yourself.

It's late in the evening, and everyone else is already gone home now, except for the interns and of course, Richard Webber.

You'd love to have Bailey to talk to, but she's already left. And so has Mark Sloan. And you don't want to talk to Derek at all.

So you just stand there with the blood, and you hear the interns chattering, and you hear they're going out to dinner and you're jealous that they are friends with each other.

One of them invites you along, but you say no, because you know they're just asking you because they're there and they don't want to spend a night at dinner with their boss, much less one they call 'Satan'.

And of course, you can't spend an evening anywhere near Meredith and her friends without ogling her, and you don't need five of Bailey's interns knowing who you have a crush on. Damn interns.

So you go to your office instead and pull out your damn diary. Because it's all you have, now. And you try to wipe the memory of Meredith's grief for the patient well out of your mind.

Because you almost picked her up into your arms. You wanted to. But it's good that you didn't.

-Addison Montgomery

In her personal diary. As she gets a little bit of the dead patient's leftover blood on it, from where it caught on her sleeves.

****** END OF CHAPTER ELEVEN

Other Author's Note:

Okay, so this one is heavy for another reason.

Yep, I still like to flesh out Addison's inner turmoil

And I added in a song reference at the end of the last Chapter if you missed that you might have read it right after it was posted and therefore missed it, so I encourage you to go back and read it if you're reading this on May 20, 2020 not to miss out on it. Only if you want to, of course.

bobbiejelly

And of course, onto the dedications:

Ao3:

Thanks to Arahneia for the lovely words and Also, of course, thanks to AddisonAddek and LordOfLezzies, all on Ao3

AddisonAddek for wanting more and commenting (a heck-ton) today, plus LordOfLezzies (also, because you're super) and Hotgitay who commented yesterday.

Arahneia, AddisonAddek, Dragoncatcher123, LordofLezzies, and Hotgitay as well as 1 guest left kudos on this work! 54 hits so far. 46 comments.

Fanfiction:

smountain for the lovely review. 126 views.

Wattpad:

Comments and suggestions from naylorholby  always make my day.

Thanks for the most WONDERFUL shout-out comment from JordynMarie05.

myfairlilymunster  for the comments and 119 reads, 12 comments, and 38 stars.

danielaperezsurga , JordynMarie05 , Unicornbaby78 , myfairlilymunster , outlawqueenpercabeth , naylorholby , AddisonAddek , and probably some others who don't show up on my phone, voted on this, thanks.

Also THANKS to everyone else who reads this someday, and to a friend in 'real-life' who beta'ed this for me. Much love.

Ps. Reccomending reading Soothe today if you want to check that out because there's a new chapter 15 of that posted just now!

bobbiejelly