Second Person (The Diary of Addison Montgomery)

Second Person, Sixteen

Content Warning:

Sort of vague mentions of Suicide.

Not actual Suicide, nor actual Suicidal Ideation.

But it's there, so you can proceed at your own risk.

Second Person, Sixteen

She asks you why you've been kissing him. Seriously, she actually asks you this, now. Meredith Grey asks you why you've been kissing on Mark Sloan. And you don't know whether she means the kiss with him just then, or the one just before the prom, or the one back at the Brownstone when you cheated with him on Derek Shepherd.

You suppose it was all officially adultery. You're only getting a divorce later today, so technically you cheated on Derek with Mark three times. With the same man who used to be Derek's very best friend, no less.

But either way, she's asking you this. And you shrug because you have no idea what the hell to even tell her.

So you tell her the truth, mostly.

You tell her ' you kiss him, and taste someone else, makes him forget'.

And somehow she understands this, or at least she pretends to.

She just gives you a nod and a sigh and she probably assumes you loved him once and you loved Derek once and that you're probably kissing Mark and thinking of Derek.

She gives you a guilty sort of look- as if to say something like 'Im sorry I stole him from you if you still picture him while you kiss your boy-toy'.

Obviously, you never fill Meredith in on the actual details.

You're glad she doesn't ask you more, about the Mark or the kissing or the touching.

Meredith just sits there, and she seems to try to empathize with you and it makes you fall in love with her, even more.

You're not in the stairwell this time.

This time you're outside your office because she came by to tell you that the lawyers would be here soon because Derek sent her to and she saw you kissing on Mark.

Mark had you weak again because you broke down and told him what you heard at the prom.

And Mark said he was sorry he was looking at you like that because you looked nice in that outfit and that it wasn't a 'butch' sort of thing after all.

And so you let him kiss you again because you've resigned that that's the only kind of kissing you'll get in your lifetime.

And it makes him forget you don't love him back. And it makes him forget that you're gay. And it makes him forget he's a dirty-mister again.

Because for now, at that moment, he had you right where he wanted to. And, to be fair, you had him right where you wanted him, too.

And now you're thinking about all that while you're talking to Meredith and she's looking at the ring on your finger and she asks if you'll keep it.

You ask her if she wants it, and you don't know why you just said that to her, but you did.

And Meredith gives you a look of surprise and of intrigue and something else that you don't understand.

And then she asks you if you want to throw it over a ferry boat into the ocean.

And you say that you do sometimes.