Come and Rescue Me

Stage 4 Fear of trying

Though i've traveled far,
I've been back to the start.
And i found some scars in places i have never shown to anyone.
I don't know why it took so long to get back home.
"If you could hear the dreams i've had my dear..."
Yea i know you've heard that line before.
But if i had the chance to scream all the things i've underlined...

- Stage 4 fear of trying by Frank Iero and the cellabration

Chapter 7 - Stage 4 fear of trying

Ian had a meeting with Angus Field in the morning. It had been a sleepless night.
Angus Filed was a man in his forties, dark hair, tall. Ian couldn't imagine Mickey fucking this man. Mr Field wasn't unattractive, far from it, but Ian didn't understand it though.

After they had talked through some formalities and Ian had told him the official story of where he and Mickey went yesterday, Field shut the file in front of him and leaned back in hsi chair.

Ian looked at him surprised.
"The reason I asked for this conversation, Gallagher, is Mickey Milkovich."
Ian swallowed hard.
"I know the nature of your relationship with him, I have deleted some compromising footage off the security cameras."

"Uhm, thank you?"
"I don't have to tell you that sleeping with the person you are supposed to protect is unacceptable, do I now?"
"With all due respect, Mr Field, how I understood Mickey, you had the same kind of relationship with him not too long ago. It got you this position."

They stared at each other for a few seconds, both trying to assert dominance over the other until Mr Field gave up.

"Listen, Mr Gallagher", Mr Field said and sighed, "Mickey is playing a dangerous game. If Terry Milkovich ever finds out about this, both of you will end up dead. And I will end up dead too, because he will realise that I helped Mickey to keep this a secret."

Ian looked at him for a long moment, taking in Mr Fields words and his voice, "You care about him.", he concluded, he didn't know why he was so surprised by that.

By the way Mr Field stopped looking at him but looked at his hands, Ian knew he was right, "You want to protect him. Maybe you even have feelings for him."
"You overstep, Gallagher"
Ian leaned back in his chair, "You have feelings for him."
"This is not the point."
"I think it is, Mr Field."

Mr Field shook his head, "I'm trying to give you a way out, Mr Gallagher. Leave this family before Terry finds out that you are having an affair with his son."
"You want me to leave because you want him."
"No", Mr Field said but Ian knew he was lying, "My relationship with Mickey was brief, it was two years ago."
"You still love him."

Mr Field shook his head, but his eyes went sad, "We", he said and looked at Ian sincerely, "Do not matter. Not to this family, not to Mickey Milkovich. If Terry finds out about your or mine homosexuality, he will kill us. And Mickey will stand next to him and he won't even flinch. I think you have feelings for him, too, Mr Gallagher, and trust me, when I say it is in your best interest, to forget about him as quick as possible. He does not love you, he won't ever love you. He loved a scullion, Mr Gallagher, his name was Dimitri."

"I know about Dimitri", Ian interrupted.
"Then you know his fate. You can leave now, or you can fall in love with a man who will never love you back, and if even will never be able to be with you and you will end up shot in the head."

"You didn't end up dead. You're head of security because of him"
"He only did this to his benefit. I can help him disappearing from the security footage. I can employ and fire new security details for him without anyone finding out, that they were fired because Mickey got tired of playing with them. Because of him I'm one of Terry Milkovich's most trusted, and with that I'm watched at all times, though. I'm closer to the man than his children and with that completely unable to ever give into a man's charm ever again. This fate is worse than being dead. Because I'm in a constant state of fear of being caught."