IF I STAY

Selfies and that one-not-so-much of a phonecall

“You’re smiling a lot.”

Yeonjun tells him as he quietly pockets his phone and proceeds to write on his clipboard. He is checking the quality of the carpets he ordered, and so far he’s been distracted by some Kakaotalk messages from some kid.

It's been another hectic week since Kang Taehyun and him started messaging each other in KakaoTalk and he has to admit, it never fails to put a smile on his face whenever his phone pings with a new notification. Despite their conversations being quick since both of them are busy and random, somehow, they never run out of topics to talk about.

Slowly, through the conversations, they reveal more details about themselves- their favourite things: food, movies, music. He found out Taehyun loves ramen and jujutsu and loves action films and hates suspense. He’s a toy collector and one of his obsessions is LEGOs. They spent a good hour with Taehyun just sending him photos of the LEGOs he already has and LEGOs he plans to buy. He also loves the colour yellow which coincidentally is the colour scheme he has been working on in KTH studio so he sends him photos of his mural designs. Kang Taehyun in turn, would send memes of himself looking so impressed.

Sometimes, they talk about how their day was, what happened at work…. although Beomgyu notes Taehyun would be once he would ask detailed questions about his work. He would just say same as always, my manager’s been biting my head off. Beomgyu credits it to having a boring office job. Besides, Taehyun would always say how his job is so fun and exciting and Beom-hyung is so cool.

“Just talking to someone.” He says, feeling the phone vibrate again but ignores it because Yeonjun is still staring at him curiosly.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Yeonjun shakes his head, “Anyway, I just came in to tell you that delivery of plants will be delayed for another five days.”

“Again?” Beomgyu clicks his tongue in annoyance, “I thought they already found a supplier for the pencil cacti?”

“It’s the vase they are worried about. I sent the photos to your email and they are god-awful ugly.”

Beomgyu walks towards his table, to check his laptop. He opens Yeonjun’s email and almost rolls his eyes when he sees the suggestion of vases. They are not even close to the sketch he has made, “Can’t they find someone else who can make what I ordered?”

“Already did. That’s why it will take five more days for them to arrive.”

Beomgyu gives Yeonjun a soft smile, “Thanks for being reliable. The staff are still working on the floors, right? So I think that’s okay.”

Yeonjun nods, then looks around his table, “Are you not going out for lunch?”

Beomgyu shakes his head, “Not yet. I received some inquiries from this potential client and I haven’t replied to that.”

“Hmm…. should I just buy you lunch then, before I head back to KTH?”

Beomgyu beams at him, “You’re amazing, Yeonjun hyung.”

Yeonjun rolls his eyes at him before waving goodbye and walking out the door.

Beomgyu is answering a client’s email, requesting a meeting next week when his phone vibrated again. He remembers Taehyun’s unread message and picks up his phone to read.

>>Beom-hyung, how come you don’t send selfies to me? I also want to see you.

>>Beom-hyung, I want to see you.

<<Taehyun-sshi, I am not as narcissistic as you.

>> [image attached].

Beomgyu almost laughs at the image of a pouting Taehyun. He notices how the guy is wearing eye makeup- making him look like an anime character. His hair is also styled differently, parted on the side and with wisps of hair slightly covering his face.

He looks too good to be true. Now he’s sure Taehyun is not some regular office worker. Beomgyu is once again hit with an overwhelming sense of familiarity while looking at Taehyun.

<<Is that for work? You never tell me what you do.

>> Huh? But you never ask.

<<I always ask you how’s your work and you say it’s the usual.

>> Because it IS the usual stuff.

<< I also tell you it’s the usual stuff. But I don’t get to look like an anime character any day of the week.

Beomgyu thinks of the many times Taehyun’s exquisitely styled selfies and wonders why he never asked before.

>> Do you really want to know?

<< Will I ask if you do? Are you some kind of an entertainer? A singer or a dancer?

>> Send me a selfie and I will tell you.

Beomgyu sighs. He hates taking selfies but he does check his reflection on the glass window of their studio. There are dark rings under his eyes and the light blue button up shirt is not doing anything to hide his slim figure. Compared to Taehyun, he’s just a sight…and that’s not even on a positive note.

>> Beom-hyung. Come on. I want to put a face on my temporary emergency contact number.

Beomgyu smiles at that. He sighs and walks by the window where the light is spilling inside casting a decent morning glow on him. Hopefully, this will hide the fact that he looks like shit. He takes a selfie and checks how it looks-doesn’t like it and takes another one.

Still not right. Beomgyu doesn’t know why he’s being so sceptical about this. Its not like he needs to impress Taehyun.

Yeonjun finds him on that spot when he comes back with lunch and eyes him curiously, “What are you doing?”

Beomgyu immediately blushes, embarrassed at getting caught in the act. “Nothing.” He pretends to just be browsing his phone which honestly looks more stupid than him admitting what he’s doing.

“Are you taking a selfie?”

Its too late to deny it, anyway so he sighs in embarrassment, “Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I just want to.”

“Liar.” Yeonjun places the pack of food by his table and eyes him directly, “There’s something going on with you and I’d really appreciate it if you tell me. I’m your oldest friend and your hyung.”

Beomgyu can see the hurt in Yeonjun’s eyes and feels a little bit guilty. They have been friends for almost ten years now, having known each other in art school back in college, at least before he dropped out and transferred to Seoul where they found each other again after two years and started working on the same advertising company for another year before they decided to open up their own business two years ago. Yeonjun is one of the people who has accepted who he is, welcomed him to his family (which is just him and his sister since both parents perished in a car crash when they’re in high school) and never treated him differently.

Yeonjun was there when that happened and never left him. He never hides anything from the guy-well except maybe that one time. And look where it got you? A voice in his head warns him and he looks back at Yeonjun with a shy smile.

“Fine. Remember that guy we found outside?”

Yeonjun frowns, “That one we took to the hospital?”

“Yeah that one. He kind of got my number from the doctor and now we’re messaging each other.”

Yeonjun’s face goes blank as he processes this information. Beomgyu can’t help but anticipate what his hyung will say-he’s almost sure he would tell him to drop it. Stop talking to the boy because you don’t know him or what he’s up to and do you remember what happened the last time this happened? Do you remember what happened? And he does.

The relationship ended two years ago, but the memories are still fresh and painful to even relive. He was doing okay already- at least until six months ago.

Yeonjun is looking at him, as if he knows what’s running through his mind. Beomgyu is not surprised. He is expecting a lot of things but definitely not the one where Yeonjun opens his hand to him and tells him, “Give it here. I’ll take one for you.”

“What?”

“Give it before I change my mind.”

“Why?”

“Why? You suck at taking selfies. And you’re our official photographer. You should be ashamed.”

Yeonjun grabs the phone and opens the camera app.

“I mean, why are you okay with this?” Beomgyu asks, “ And also, I’m a pretty good photographer! I just don’t like taking selfies.”

Yeonjun sighs, “Its progress.” He points at the corner of the window sill and Beomgyu walks towards it. Yeonjun gestures for him to sit down and he does. “Its been two years Gyu. I’ve been worried you stopped trying just because that happened.”

Beomgyu blinks at him. “Put your foot up over there.” Yeonjun instructs and Beomgyu does so, moving a bit so he is slightly on his side. “Look here and smile.”

Yeonjun’s jaw is clenched when he says the last part, still remembering that day like it was just yesterday. Beomgyu does, too. The hands on his neck. The bruises, the blood, his unconscious body. The screams that followed. Then total darkness.

He shakes the shadows away and gives a smile. Yeonjun is slightly taken aback before he takes the photo, “Its been awhile since I last saw you smile like that.”

He gives the phone back to Beomgyu who looks at the photo. It’s a beautiful photo-him sitting by the window sill, one leg propped up with is elbow sitting atop his knee, face slightly facing the camera and a smile playing on his lips. He knows what Yeonjun is talking about because in the photo unlike the past ones, the smile has reached his eyes.

“You’re good at this.”

“Nah, I just have a good subject.”

Huh. He looks up at Yeonjun slightly confused with what he says , but his phone vibrated again.

>> Beom-hyung, I want to see you.

<< This brat. So impatient.

<<[image attached].

He watches Taehyun type in a reply then stops and then types in again. “I’m going ahead now.” Yeonjun says and he looks up to say goodbye. “Can you give me an update on the staff?”

“Don’t I always?” Yeonjun smirks with a wink. Beomgyu grins with a thumbs up. Yeonjun says, “Don’t forget to eat your lunch.”

“Yeah, thanks again.” He nods walking back to his table as he heard the door slam shut. Taehyun still hasn’t responded and Beomgyu begins opening up the lunch Yeonjun bought him- stir fried vegetables with spicy shredded pork.

Hes about to sit down for lunch when his phone buzzed to life.

>> Beom-hyung is so handsome.

______