IF I STAY

Isn't this your choice?

Choi Beomgyu hates the cold.

Sadly, Ansan’s temperature really goes down during winter and its getting harder and harder for him to traverse the cold streets from their apartment to Haedabang. Its technically just a fifteen-minute walk from their place—but still, its fifteen minutes in the cold.

He envies Hueningkai who knows how to ride a bike and wished he did learn to do it too. Too late for regrets now, he thinks as he trudged his way to Haedabang, hands already half frozen because he also stupidly forgot his gloves at the apartment he is sharing with his junior.

Its been two weeks since their move in Ansan, during that time, they made significant progress with the project. They already commissioned temp workers to remove the back wall and current flooring of the teahouse. The wood panels they ordered arrived yesterday and after they finished removing the ancient wallpapers on the other walls, they can start installing the panels already.

It’s a relatively hard project but Beomgyu is enjoying every bit of it. Maybe, moving away from Seoul really did him good. They are far from the city noise and people are friendly where they are. Its not rare for him and Hueningkai to receive some freshly picked fruits or home cooked meals from their neighbours and the grocery clerks down the street. Hueningkai thinks its because Beomgyu is good looking, but he thinks they're just really nice.

Hueningkai is already at Haedabang when he arrives—getting busy with plotting down how they will lay down the wooden slats on the floor. Beomgyu checks his progress and gives him a thumbs up in affirmation, “Good work.”

Hueningkai grins at him, “I have to work harder since Yeonjun hyung will join us this week.”

“Ah, right. They will arrive here Friday, yeah?”

“Yeah. I was messaging Soobin hyung last night and asked him to go to our house and get me some extra jackets.”

“You do know you're allowed to leave, right?”

Hueningkai shakes his head, “And get yelled at by Yeonjun hyung? Never leave him alone. He told me that explicitly. I will not dare defy him.”

“What am I? A kid?”

“You tell me. I don’t understand Yeonjun hyung sometimes.”

Beomgyu sighs, “Well, he does tend to be overbearing at times but he means well.”

Beomgyu understands Yeonjun’s orders—he does need someone to be with him most of the time just in case Byung-hoon makes an appearance. Yeonjun told him about his plans of moving the studio to another office after they received more packages from the guy not only in KTH but their actual studio as well. What they were, he didn’t tell and Beomgyu didn’t ask anymore.

There are still times when he gets paranoid, like he's being watched by someone but he blames on his nerves and shrugs it off. They’ve taken all necessary precautions…. hopefully Byunghoon wont be able to follow him here or if he does, he’d have moved back to Seoul and into a new apartment and a new office.

Worst case scenario is he would have to leave Seoul completely. Transfer to a new city and create a new life. That would be ideal too, but he knows he cant do that now. He still has Haedabang to finish.

He's in the process of mixing some paint for one of the walls, when a sleek, black car honks and pulls over to the road right in front of Haedabang. At first Beomgyu thinks he's been found and holds his breath but he sighs in relief when Jeon Jeongguk gets out of the car looking pristine as ever.

Just like the car, Jeongguk looks terribly out of place in the rural setting. But he moves with ease as he navigates through the bodies of the workers moving with single purpose—to finish this within the deadline.

Hueningkai looks at him questioningly but he gives him a reassuring smile before he walks towards Jeongguk, wiping his paint stained hands on his apron. The man sees him and smiles, “Beomgyu-sshi.”

“Jeongguk hyung.” He greets back, “You should’ve told me you're coming. I would’ve worn something more decent.”

He's in dark green overalls, black shoes plus the paint stained apron. He had clipped some of his bangs off his face because they have actually grown a little longer this time. Jeongguk gives him a do-over, “I don’t see the need to do so.”

Beomgyu stops himself from rolling his eyes, “Why are you here by the way, boss? Making sure you're getting your money’s worth?”

“Well, I could say that, but really I just have to visit grandma.” He says but he's also looking around. Beomgyu has to explain that they are merely starting with the renovations which is why it looks worse than the original but Jeongguk assures him he completely understands.

Its an old place. Lots of things needs to be removed.

“Are you heading this project now, Beomgyu-sshi?”

“Uh, yeah…..I've temporarily moved here since two weeks ago.”

Jeongguk looks surprised and Beomgyu remembers Yeonjun wanted as much as possible to limit the number of people who knows his whereabouts. “And what about KTH Studio? Is that done already?”

“Oh that, the turnover will happen this week.”

“So you'll go back to Seoul by then?”

“Oh, no. I dropped that project already.” He says, casually, “Yeonjun hyung had been heading that project now.”

Jeongguk looks a bit confused and worried by his revelation which honestly doesn’t come as a surprise considering the project is his brother’s, so Beomgyu felt the need to say, “Don’t worry. That project is in good hands. Yeonjun hyung is very reliable. Sometimes even more so than me.”

His little joke didn’t seem to work as there is still a worried look on Jeongguk’s face. He meant to ask but the guy beat him to it, “Why did you do it? Is there a conflict with your schedule?”

Beomgyu frowns at the question and there must be something telling in his face because Jeongguk backs off immediately, “I’m just curious, Beomgyu-sshi….if you would indulge me?”

He shakes his head and smiles, “Ah, well if I must tell you, no its not because of conflict in my schedule, Jeongguk hyung. I dropped out of the project due to personal reasons.”

He thought his answer may have raised more questions but the guy in front of him just hums in contemplation, putting a hand under his chin, “I see.”

“Anyway, Yeonjun hyung and his crew will be here this Friday. Right after they turn over the studio. Will your brother be there?”

“He could be. But he's distant lately….”, he sighs, “Well, a little more than usual.”

Beomgyu chuckles, “You did mention he can be a brat sometimes.”

Jeongguk gives him a small smile, “That, I did.”

They spent few hours just talking about the teahouse, the differences in wood, textile and different fabrics. The conversation flows naturally and Beomgyu is happy to once again have a decent conversation with someone not within his circle. Its already around noon when the man finally told him he’d have to excuse himself for a lunch meeting. Beomgyu escorted him out.

“The place agrees with you here,”

“Hmm?” Beomgyu looks up at the man. He's just a few inches taller but his domineering presence makes him feel small.

“You look happier.” Jeongguk says before he slips into his car leaving a confused and blushing Beomgyu.

----------

Yeonjun is extra antsy today—which really shouldn’t be the case because this is the finish line of the project. Ninety-nine percent of the work is already being done and so far, and after their final inspection, everything is right where they should be and, in their tip-top shape.

But, he cant help it. Final turnovers are stressful because past experiences told him that the client always, ALWAYS finds a flaw in the execution of the plan they approved of. Even if the client is there during the process and does regular visits on the site. They will always find something amiss.

Which brings him to KTH Studio. He has never met the owner and only met his assistant, Kim Taehyung, a handful of times so he completely relies on the emails and KakaoTalk messages he had with them. The project is a little bit of a secret and it makes sense that the owner would want some to remain anonymous until the last minute—heck, they even had to sign an NDA before they started the project!

Today’s the first time he and his team will meet the elusive owner and he made sure they look decent enough. When he imagines the owner of KTH Studio, he thinks about a top media executive…. maybe in his mid-forties who owns an agency and is needing a place to train new idol wannabes without giving away anything to his competition. He imagines a guy with salt and pepper hair, well maintained beard, right amount of wrinkles who is growing old gracefully.

What he didn’t expect to come through the door of the studio is a young, impeccably dressed, celebrity looking man escorted by Kim Taehyung and one bulky man in a black suit (probably his bodyguard). Its interesting to note that even the man is just wearing casual clothes—denim jacket with stud details, black undershirt, beige trousers and a pair of white loafers, he still struts into the workroom like a movie star.

Oddly enough, he looks so familiar and only when Minhee says “isn’t that Kang Taehyun?” does he remember seeing that face in billboards on the streets and in the television. The staff come alive with a buzz, starstruck at seeing a celebrity. Yeonjun is less impressed. Okay, its probably cool the owner of the studio is a famous celebrity…..but he just really wants to get this over with.

He still has the move and transportation to Ansan to think about. He wont be flustered by this person. Taehyun stops in front of him, in all his dazzling glory. He has to admit, this guy looks perfect in every way but as if that would intimidate him. He fixes his shirt as Kim Taehyung introduces him.

He offers his hand and Taehyun takes it, “Its great to finally meet you, Yeonjun-sshi.”

Taehyun is looking at him like he had seen him before for a while and a memory keeps pushing itself into his consciousness, but before he could actually read through it, Kim Taehyung moves them along to the tour where he will show the actual work they did in the studio.

The guy doesn’t give any reaction during the entire tour, he's not complaining at all, but he's also not saying he likes it. This generally, isn’t a bad thing, Yeonjun thinks. Even if he's not complimenting the works they have done, at least he's also not asking them to change some little things. Yeonjun just continues to discuss and explain every buts and pieces of information on all the choices of materials, the installation processes of the place, etc.

The most reaction he got was when they arrived at the main lobby where the guy at least looks mesmerized by Beomgyu’s mural. Its an expected reaction, though. The mural is the highlight of the entire place, it definitely sets the mood of the dance studio and all the designs are incorporated into that artwork.

Really, it’s a beautiful artwork, but Yeonjun needs him to move on.

Finally, after Taehyun staring at the artwork for at least an hour (he's overreacting, its probably just at least fifteen minutes), Yeonjun walks up to Kim Taehyung and asks if they can already start with the paperwork. The man gladly agreed and they head back to one of the offices at the back of the studio to complete the turnover.

It takes another hour before the turnover is finally complete as there were lots of papers to fill and sign. Taehyun, after coming out of his trance finally joins them to sign papers. After that, it’s a pretty quick process. The full payment will be deposited to their account after a month of their full turnover, just to make sure that nothing is amiss.

After that, they prepare to take their leave……but not before Taehyun asking him where the artist of the mural was. Yeonjun does find it a bit weird that the guy to ask where the artist is and not who the artist is. For all he knows, its one of the staffs or its him. But he just gave a non-committal smile and said, “He quit a month ago”, before he turned away.

They pack up their things and leave as well, feeling a bit nostalgic as they closed the door of the studio one last time. It has been their home and office for almost four months. It bared witness to all his late nights and early mornings. All the arguments and laughter they had for the past few months.

Its an artist’s sickness. You pour your heart out to a single project, spend sleepless hours on it, and when its done, you just leave a part of you in it. He understands it now, seeing some of the staff getting teary eyed as they walk away. He's a little emotional himself.

He wonders if that’s exactly how Beomgyu felt leaving the project behind. Thinking about the other guy makes Yeonjun think of the past weeks when their communication mostly consists of short updates in KakaoTalk, some photos on the progress of both project and nothing more.

He misses Beomgyu’s presence. The guy has always been beside him no matter what his temper is (and he does have a temper) or how infuriating he might be. The staff also knows this, saying he's much more agreeable with Beomgyu around and a bit moodier when he's not.

They note with amusement how impatient he was to finish the turnover and how excited he looks at the potential of finally following Beomgyu in Ansan. Its normal, they're friends. But, he also often wonders if that’s what normal friends do or feel.

Well, how does he feel? He doesn’t even know or understand his own feelings.

The next day, they arrive at Ansan early in the morning. Hueningkai meets them in one of the stopovers and escorts them to the apartment. As the other staff settled, he drives himself to the location site alone with nothing but the questions in his head.

The old teahouse definitely looks like an old building under construction. Its façade is boarded up and there are some people walking in and out, carrying stuff and equipment. He parks right outside it and looks for Beomgyu.

He doesn’t understand his excitement at all. They're just friends, right?

He finds Beomgyu inside the teahouse, already started painting one wall with a bright, cheerful mural that looks like a field of dandelions. He was wearing dark blue overalls with a white undershirt, hair a little longer and bangs clipped to the side of his face. Yeonjun thinks how Beomgyu himself looks part of the mural he is painting, he wants to take a photograph of it.

But, wouldn’t that be weird?

The moment Beomgyu sees him, a smile blossoms on his face and its even brighter than the yellow, orange hues of the painting behind him. Yeonjun smiles back.

Right there and then, looking at Beomgyu, he suddenly understands now.

----------

~Taehyun-sshi, I cancelled the tv guesting tomorrow. I think you should rest for now since you looked really unwell last night.

~I’ll drop by later to bring you some medicine.

~Jeongguk-sshi also called me to ask how you are.

~Complained you're not replying to him.

~You're not replying to me either.

~Are you sure you're okay?

~Are you even alive?

~Don’t seen zone me!

~Fine. I’ll just see you later.

Taehyun’s head feels like its being cut open. The last shoot they had for this MV was done under fake rain. He spent around five hours drenched in the rain during winter. Its torture and its no wonder he came down with the flu.

It started with a scratchy throat, then colds, then a really high fever last night and now he has a full-blown migraine which is by far, the worst. He would have usually soldiered through this and attended his usual appearances, but it’s the fear of infecting others that made Sojung cancel his schedule for this week.

Its his fault. He should have taken better care of himself. So this migraine is probably his penalty for being so careless with his health. He's currently wallowing in self pity when his doorbell buzzes and he curses internally at whoever it is coming to visit unannounced. It shouldn’t be Sojung or Kim Taehyung, otherwise they would have just barged in.

He really wasn’t expecting anyone so its quite a surprise when he finds Jeongguk at the door, frowning at his current state. He cant blame him—if anybody saw him now, they’d quickly mistake him from some random wayward, hooligan child. He's wearing his huge, thick purple hoodie and some rundown grey pants, a mask covering his face not because people would recognize him but he's actually pretty infectious.

“Wow.” Jeongguk manages to blurt out before Taehyun rolls his eyes at him, “Hyung, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to check on you.” He says looking at Taehyun up and down, “And I’m glad I did. Damn, if anybody could see you now, they'd finally see I’m the better looking one.”

“Ha ha.” Taehyun sneers, going back inside, straight to the couch where he was lying down moments ago (those damn ladders really keep him from enjoying his bed). He pulls the thick blanket over his head, hoping Jeongguk would get the message and just leave him alone.

He doesn’t, instead he sits on the chair across him. “So, I just came from Ansan recently.”

Its not surprising, really. His brother has been everywhere so he wonders why he's telling him this now.

“Remember that artist you begged me to visit in the hospital?”

It takes a lot of effort for Taehyun for not to tear the sheets away from his face and just demand Jeongguk to just go straight to the point. He can feel his heart beating faster and faster as he waits for him to continue, but the freaking sadist is just taking his sweet time.

“What's his name again? The artist?” Jeongguk drags on purposely until Taehyun is so over the fake acting, “I saw him there. He's working on Haedabang.”

Oh. So he didn’t quit the agency. Just the project? He's glad he feels awful at the moment so his mind can focus on other things and not to that fateful night when he cried himself to oblivion at Beomgyu’s empty apartment. Its embarrassing for him to keep on pining for someone this long or for even actually pining for someone in the first place.

“You don’t look as surprised or as pleased as I expected.”

Taehyun shrugs, “Its not like I’d do anything about it.”

Jeongguk is looking at him curiously. Taehyun doesn’t want to answer the unraised question of why? Obviously, Beomgyu is moving along just fine and he should, too. He cant stay stuck on someone because he made him feel good. Granted, he has never felt that way on anyone else but there’s really no point in trying to make something work especially if the other person has already said his piece and ran away.

“Well, if that’s the case….”, Jeongguk says, defeated, “I’ll leave you to it.”

The guy stands and walks towards him. Before Taehyun could even protest, Jeongguk was already rubbing his head like he did when they were kids and Taehyun is a lot smaller than he is—he still is, but not by much. Taehyun pulls back immediately and Jeongguk laughs, “I called Sojung to buy you some soup and medicine. Go get some rest. You have something coming up next week, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just go.” Taehyun complains, “Don’t make this any weirder. I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You're still smaller.”

“Only by a few inches.”

“Still smaller.”

“I hate you so much.”

Jeongguk laughs as he walks to the door. “By the way….”, he pauses before he goes out, hand holding the doorknob. “I must admit, I can see the charm.”

“Huh?”

“Choi Beomgyu.” Jeongguk smirks, “He's a pretty charming guy.”

He doesn’t know what face he is making but it makes Jeongguk’s grin grow wider.

--------

“Hyung, this is our stop.”

Beomgyu knows that he will eventually need to go back to Seoul—maybe he just didn’t expect it to be this soon, but he needs to talk to a glass supplier here and Yeonjun has some other tasks to finish back in Ansan.

Its been a week since Yeonjun and the rest of the staffs arrived and the renovation of Haedabang has been in full swing since then. Everyone’s just too busy so he volunteered himself to go, even if Yeonjun thinks it’s a stupid idea. He counters that he knows glass better than Yeonjun so he finally accepts.

So he and Hueningkai finds themselves in Seoul at a shopping mall on a late winter afternoon. Unsurprisingly, the upscale mall looks as impressive in person as it is in photos. The ten-storey mall had lots of open spaces and designer boutiques some of which you cannot find anywhere else in South Korea. It’s a popular tourist destination if only for this fact.

“The supplier will meet us at a café.” Hueningkai says as they get out of the cab and he nods, quickly following the guy. He looks pretty inconspicuous with his outfit today—just an oversized grey checkered button up with some blue denim jeans and a bucket hat he borrowed from Minhee to cover at least half of his face. He thinks its not really being paranoid, but just a precautionary method.

Hueningkai’s stories stop when they reach their floor, but only because there’s a commotion going on in the store right across where they're walking. From the looks of it, a skincare brand is opening a new branch and people are crowding around the entrance for the cutting of the ribbon.

“Oh, a new store is opening again. I wonder what it is.” Hueningkai shouts over the loud roaring of the music as he tries to peek over the heads and backs of other people.

Beomgyu cant really see what's going on but there are a lot of reporters and photographers running around, taking photos and videos which means this is an important thing. “Looks like it’s a highly anticipated brand”. Ita amazing how Hueningkai can still share his opinion despite the loud music.

Apart from that, there are squeals of delight from groups of fans around them which means there must be a celebrity endorser in the midst of them. Beomgyu feels his phone vibrate which must be a message from the supplier so he reaches out to tap Hueningkai on the shoulder.

But a sharp squeal catches his attention and he looks up and only then did Beomgyu see different fan signs bearing a name that made his heart skip a beat.

KANG TAEHYUN

Painted in cardboard with heart icons and flashing in LED signages….the name mocks him. Beomgyu just grabs Hueningkai’s arms to pull him away and the kid looks back at him with confused eyes.

Beomgyu is panicking on the inside as he tugs again on the arm. Is he here? Will I be able to see him again?

He gets his answer right away.

Like another one of life’s sick joke, Beomgyu finds an opening in the crowd and there, at the front of the store for a skincare brand, is Taehyun.

The guy is holding a bouquet of pink roses, looking like royalty. Beomgyu holds his breath at how mesmerizing Taehyun always looks. No wonder he's loved by all.

He already knows he looks good with the platinum blue hair, but now that it had faded into a greyish blue, it gives him a slightly mysterious charm. He also noticed how the guy managed to gain some muscle mass giving him a leaner appearance and did he grow a couple inches taller?

“Hueningkai, lets go”. He says as Taehyun regards the crowd with a cheeky grin. He looks pretty confident when the fans around him half squeal and scream his name. Taehyun scans the audience, waving the bouquet of flowers in his hand until he looks at the general direction of where Beomgyu is standing and then a stunned look falls on his face.

Beomgyu freezes on the spot as the world around him goes silent.

They are a few meters apart, with people blocking their way, but he can clearly see his reflection right on those dark eyes. Taehyun may have looked a little different, but his eyes still hold the same magnetic intensity that makes Beomgyu weak on the knees.

Hope and yearning spring up from his chest and its just too late to stop them. He didn’t know how much he had missed Taehyun until that very moment when he's looking directly in those unyielding eyes and feels the walls breaking down once again. Maybe, maybe.

The words are hanging on his head and before he realizes what he's doing, he already flashes him a small, sheepish smile. He sees a slight purse of lips on the other man—so brief you wont even notice it until you're looking properly.

He doesn’t know what he's expecting in return. A slight nod? A small smirk? Anything at all, but definitely not Taehyun turning away so quickly like he's been burned.

Like he hated seeing him again.

Someone grabs his hand and pulls him away from the crowd. Its Hueningkai who had been talking to him the entire time he was in a trance. “Beomgyu hyung, I’m sorry.” He says, “I was so curious I forgot why we’re here.”

Beomgyu is still looking back on where he came from. He cant see Taehyun from where he's standing which means the other guy also cant see him now. He doesn’t know why, but that simple thought is enough to make him reflect back how selfish he was with him.

I push people away. He smiles bitterly because he realizes its true.

------

He's seeing an apparition, is he not? Maybe the meds are still in his system. Maybe he's just imagining things again.

Because he can see Beomgyu standing in the middle of the crowd a few meters away from him. The guy is also staring at him and he almost didn’t recognize him, but of course, he would never mistake that guy for anyone else.

The moment he sees him standing there, with his mismatched clothes and bucket hat, the only thing that goes through his head is, damn he's so beautiful.

And then he smiles and Taehyun is weak again. He had turned away because if he didn’t, he’d probably jump that distance between them and just embrace him.

He doesn’t care if the other guy pushes him away, punches him or just break his heart all over again…. fuck, he's okay with anything if that means he can hold him again.

But when he turns back, the guy is already gone. He tries to scan the crowd again, but he's not there. Sojung, who notices his lack of attention to the owner of the store sides up beside him.

“What is it Taehyun-sshi? Are you looking for someone?”

So, did he really just imagine him? He shakes his head, “No. I thought I just saw someone.”

“Who?”

“…a friend.”

--------

~Hi Yeonjun-sshi! We will hold an event to officially launch KTH Studio and the owner wants to invite you and your team. He thinks it’ll do your business good since he can introduce you to some potential clients. Let me know what you think 😊