IF I STAY

Ghosts of the Past

“Yeonjun hyung…” Hueningkai fixes the cup of coffee on Yeonjun’s table and the man turns looks up from the stacks of paper he is currently reading, “Hmn?”


“Are you and Beomgyu hyung…” he pauses as if he is choosing his words carefully, “Still not talking?”


To be fair, you can call Hueningkai whatever you want but this kid has some nerve. He looks at the said guy who is outside the garden, with the owner, Jeon Suyeon. Taking photos and being taught the process of preparing tea leaves. He is smiling and he looks at peace which is a relief considering how he was a few days ago after the confrontation with him and Kang Taehyun. And ever since then, there’s been a cold war going on between the two of them. Of course, the juniors would ultimately notice and of course, Hueningkai will be the one to actually say something.


If he could take back that night, Yeonjun would have. He’s usually a careful guy, sometimes he can be tactless but he doesn’t act irrationally without even considering the repercussions of his actions. Kissing Beomgyu is not part of his plan. Really, confessing to him? Never in his life did he think he would even find the courage to do that. He’s content to remain beside the guy, a secret admirer because he does admire Beomgyu’s exceptional talent. A constant companion, someone who can push him up when he’s feeling down and pull him through the tightest spaces of his life. Pining for someone is hard, but he would rather have that than have Beomgyu looks at him as a stranger right now.


And Kang Taehyun… he didn’t know that they or are they even… well, he was kissing Beomgyu in the middle of the streets. How did they even know each other? He’s already so confused and he just wants everything to return to normal. He wants Beomgyu to
give him a sweet, friendly smile and not those cold eyes.


It is his fault. Him and his stupid mouth. What came to him to actually insinuate that he believed the rumours spread about him? It hurts that Beomgyu rejected him, but it definitely didn’t warrant him hurting him back. Why the hell did he do that?! He can’t even look at Beomgyu without feeling deeply ashamed of himself. He wants to tell him that he didn’t mean what he said that night, that he was just hurt and somehow his stupid inebriated self didn’t take the rejection lightly.


“Yeah.” He says breathing a sigh of resignation as he fixes his paper.


“Hmn…” Hueningkai hums, checking the papers in his hands. Then his eyes widened, “Woah! You’re applying to Seoul University?!”


Yeonjun covers the papers immediately and smothers Hueningkai with his hand for being a loudmouth. He looks around to see if anybody heard but everyone is just busy and thankfully one of the temps is drilling a screw into the wall so the words are drowned in the noise.


“Shut Up!” He whisper-shouts and Hueningkai nods vigorously before he lets him go, and puts back the paper in the envelope they came in. He had sent his application six months ago and as fate would have it, he received the admission letter yesterday, like the world is telling him what he needs to do next. The news came in bittersweetly, simply because he couldn’t really celebrate it with the person who he shared the dream with. Beomgyu had always known about this dream of his and had always been his number one supporter. Yeonjun, too. And it hurts so bad that they had to end this way.


Beomgyu seemed to feel the intensity of his stare and he turned to look at him with those stranger’s eyes. Yeonjun turns away. Now, they’re not even friends.


-------


“When will you sign the contract?”
Jeon Jeongguk asks, adjusting his tie using his reflection on the glass window overlooking the night skyline of Seoul. His office is on the 42nd floor of their family’s company HQ, a skyscraper.


From the same reflection on the window, he sees Taehyun is sitting on one of the office’s leather seats, looking bored, but as always, styled to perfection. A sparkly pinstripe grey suit, hair down for a sleek, wet look, some earrings to add flair to the entire look as if wearing a sparkly suit isn’t enough.


Taehyun regards him with a bored look, he’s twirling a pen in between his fingers while scanning some papers from a folder he’s holding. He puts them down on the coffee table in front of him and sighs, “We’ll be flying to Beijing next week.”


Jeongguk nods, and faces him, “And the project?”


“We’ll start filming in the summer.” The way Taehyun says it, it’s like he just agreed to a death sentence.


A few days have passed and his mood was not any different. Not since Taehyun arrived in his apartment early Saturday morning, drenched and cold from melted snow, eyes rimmed red like he had been crying. He didn’t even need to ask questions, and he’s sure, even if he did… Taehyun would choose not to say anything.


He can deduce, however, that it’s because of a late-night visit to a certain interior designer in Ansan. Maybe, it was also partly his fault. He was the one who gave the guy’s number and revealed the location early on… and he was also the one who made Taehyun promise to notbchase after him anymore.


Meeting the person who filled Taehyun with so much emotions, and made his usually cold eyes sparkle with life was refreshing, so to say. The guy had always been aloof and distant with anybody and knowing there is someone he fancied, is such a relief. It didn't even matter to him if it was a girl or a boy.


Now, looking at the dead eyes of his brother, he’s not even sure if he had made the correct choice of letting Taehyun chase after him one last time.


There is a soft knock on the door before Sojung enters, “Jeongguk-ssi.” She says bowing at him and he nods at her. She turns to Taehyun who is already on his feet, “Taehyun-ssi, it’s time to go.”


“You’ll come by later?” Taehyun asks Jeongguk. His voice doesn’t really hold any emotion so he thinks he’s just doing it out of respect.


“Yeah. Wouldn’t miss your studio’s gala night. ”


Normally, Taehyun would have rolled his eyes, but now he just nodded and followed Sojung out of his office.


------


Beomgyu fixes the brown beanie on his head and the red scarf on his neck before he rubs both of his palms and blows air into them. The heater of the cab he is riding is already at its highest setting but whether it’s because it’s extra cold tonight or the heater is just broken, he’s not sure--all he knows is that he is freezing in the backseat of this cab on his way to the warehouse where his stuff are stored.


Finding an apartment in Busan is not that hard, he did it on impulse—the same night of the confrontation and then wired the deposit the morning after. He didn’t have to visit first, he had no time for that. He just wanted to leave.


It will be relatively easy. But, hiding this fact from his staffs and from Yeonjun? That’s the tricky part, especially with his staffs. How many times have Hueningkai or Soobin caught him browsing different agencies in Busan and almost blabbed about it. Hueningkai looked shocked and ready to beg him not to go so he lied to his teeth and told him it’s for a friend asking for help, to appease him in the meantime. Soobin, however, being the most insightful one… just gives him a knowing look and didn’t say anything. Yeonjun is a different story.


Somehow, it’s great that they are still not in speaking terms so there is no reason for him to actually mention his move. He had arranged for the move to take place once they finished Haedabang, but to make it less conspicuous, he needed to empty out his warehouse and send his things to the apartment he chose.


Which is why he is here in Seoul, on a cold winter night, sitting in this cab instead of going to the gala celebration of KTH Studio. He could have gone any other night, but going off alone at night would arouse suspicion among his crew and he needed him off his case as long as possible. So he specifically chose this date under the guise that he would just stay in Ansan, in their apartment while Yeonjun and his juniors attend the party.


Besides, Yeonjun knows he would choose not to go because Taehyun would definitely there.


It was like a barrage of information. The moment he learned that Taehyun is the owner of KTH Studio, he noticed the announcements in Naver about the opening of the new studio owned by one of the hottest celebrities in South Korea right now. The media are a frenzy, getting more information about the place and the news that the party will be like no other--with lots of celebrities in the guestlist.


The choice not to attend is an easy decision for Beomgyu. Though, he has to admit he quite regrets not being there in person to see his mural unveiled. He recalls receiving the message from Kim Taehyung about the owner liking the mural so much… that one gave him too much confidence and he thought he’s really good at what he’s doing. But as it turns out, it was Taehyun--the same guy who confessed to him. So really… is he that good?


Somehow, he recalls his past achievements and he realized how all of them he got because Byung-hoon was there to support him--either pay for his materials or his tickets or pay for the studio where he can create whichever. And the other times, he got a project because the last decision was from him.


Back then, he didn’t think much about it because Byung-hoon often told him he’s a great artist and he deserved the recognition he is getting. But maybe, he was right after all. Maybe, he’s not great at all and he’s just feeding off the praises of anyone, fooling himself into believing he is something when in fact, he is nothing.


He must stop these self-destructive thoughts. He looks out the window and watches the mirror fog up from the extreme cold. It’s not yet snowing in Seoul, but he knows one of these days, snow will fall and cover the entire city.


Will he still be here to see it? He doesn’t know, all he knows is that he will miss this city, and the people he met here. He will miss his staffs the most--they are rowdy but they are passionate. They remind him of himself when he was younger when he was still him and not the empty husk of his former self that he is right now. He leans on the glass and closes his eyes, already feeling the separation even if it’s not yet there.


-----


The party is in full swing when Taehyun arrives—Kim Taehyung and Sojung never leaving his side to whisper the names of the people he has to shake hands with. And there were a lot… Taehyun couldn’t even remember their faces, lest their names.


Kim Taehyung is in charge of the party and he invited all the top executives of different talent agencies as well as their top-billed stars. It’s a star-studded event, some of the celebrities are even more famous than Taehyun, but they are there… already posing by the red carpet at the lobby where the huge mural is covered with a thick, black cloth. Nobody has seen the mural since the turnover weeks ago, under his strict instructions because he wanted Beomgyu to be there. He had it planned in his head--Beomgyu to be the first to share it with everyone--his own masterpiece. It all played great in his head. Of course Kim Taehyung and Sojung are both against this, but ultimately, it is his decision to make. So when the covers went up, it never went down.


Turns out, that won’t happen still because he sees Yeonjun enter the vicinity with the rest of his staffs, but no Beomgyu on sight. Of course, he won’t be here. He knows that already, but still can’t keep a straight face when Yeonjun comes up to him and offers a hand, “Kang Taehyun.”


The last time the two of them saw each other was on that fateful night when Beomgyu walked out on them. He had been determined to follow Beomgyu then, but Yeonjun told him to quit it. He didn’t even understand how they met or why he was there or why they are kissing in the middle of the streets but he did say it didn’t matter how it happened. The fact is it happened.


He glares at the outstretched hand for a few moments before he takes it eventually, “Yeonjun hyung.” His voice is clipped and an awkward minute passes both of them before one of the staffs spoke, “Sunbaenim, I am a big fan of yours!”


It’s quite comical how Yeonjun’s eyes glared at the boy who is completely oblivious to Yeonjun’s expression, but said boy also offers a handshake. Taehyun takes it as well, “Thank you.” The camera lights flashes and some reporter from the crowd yells a question on their identity.


Kim Taehyung answers on his behalf, “They are the designers of the studio. Everything you see in this studio came from their heads. Even the mural we will reveal later.”


Yeonjun’s eyes widen and from the corner of his eyes, he sees the man shake his head. He can’t blame him. This masterpiece… it was all Beomgyu’s and it’s so wrong to not give credit where credit is due. “No.” Taehyun says and silence falls on everyone. When that happened, Taehyun realized he had spoken that loudly. All eyes are on him and they are expecting him to say something… anything.


“He’s right.” It’s Yeonjun who speaks for him, “The artist who designed the interior and made the mural is regretfully not with us tonight. But we dare not claim work that is not ours.”


He says this with a natural, easy grace and Taehyun hates that it’s Yeonjun--the same guy who looks at Beomgyu with those puppy, soft eyes, that saves him. But he has to give it to him, at least.


The media accepted that answer and they began asking regular questions Taehyun had rehearsed in the car. Yeonjun and his crew disappeared into the crowd, with the instruction from Kim Taehyung to come back in the lobby for the unveiling.


-----


Despite the glacial pace, Beomgyu arrives at the warehouse located somewhere at the outskirts of Seoul. He pays for the cab fare, gives a hefty amount for tip and waves goodbye at the driver.


The building is a little secluded and the street it’s situated in has sparsely installed streetlights casting a rather shadowy darkness on the streets. It’s a huge building with only a small storefront where one woman is manning the counter. The sign says it’s closed, but Beomgyu called this afternoon so he could be accommodated outside normal operating hours.


He walks towards the storefront which resembles a lot like a neighbourhood laundromat, and taps on the glass door. A woman, probably in her mid-forties looks up and sees him. She presses a
button in her counter and the door buzzes open.


Beomgyu is just happy to be inside where it’s warm. He removes his beanie hat and nods at the woman, “Hello, hello. I’m Choi Beomgyu. I was the one who called this afternoon.” The woman just looks at him, like she doesn’t believe him, but in this line of work, it must be typical.


“Do you have the key?” she asks.


Beomgyu produces the key card from his pockets and gives it to her.


She is still looking suspiciously at him, “And an ID?” Beomgyu gets this from his wallet and hands this to her as well. Seemingly satisfied, she looks back at the key card and checks the number on it before firing
up her computer to search for it. After a while, she frowns and turns to him, “This is not due until another month.”


Beomgyu grins sheepishly, “Yeah… But there has been some change of plans.”


The woman frowns, “Okay, but you have to pay for it still.”


Beomgyu nods, “That’s fine. I just need to arrange for transport of the stuff to this address.” He grabs a piece of paper from the counter, much to the displeasure of the woman and writes down his new Busan address.


The woman takes the piece of paper and grabs one of her own plus a calculator. When she’s done, she shows the breakdown and total payment for the service. Beomgyu nods and the woman asks her to sign some papers before paying half the bill. The other half should be paid after the delivery of the items.


It takes another thirty minutes for Beomgyu to finish his errand in the place. Before going out, he asks the woman how to get to the nearest train station and luckily, despite her rashness, she helpfully points it out to him.


Getting out is harder now especially because Beomgyu has already experienced the warmth inside the store. But he battles to it, pulling his scarf closer to him until it covers even half of his face and
buttoning up his beige trench coat. He is looking around--because he can’t really help it especially when he thinks he saw a shadow move behind him but when he looked, there was nothing there. The streets are dark and empty but he musters up all courage and pushes down all nasty thoughts as he walks faster. Another block
and he just needs to cross the other side of the road and he will be see the train station... but before he could even take another step towards the street, a black car screeches right on his side of the road effectively blocking his way.


He steps back right away, blood coiling in fear especially when the said car rolls down one of the backseat windows and he sees the red tie, the confident grin and the manic eyes from Byung-hoon, “Took you a while to get here, pet. ”


It’s just a split second, but Beomgyu bolts in the direction where he came from. But it was too late. In just a moment, he heard the car door open, footsteps coming from behind him and then a body slams him down onto the cold gravel. His head hits the pavement and the last thing he recalls is Byung-hoon laughing at him and him smelling the musky perfume from the man mixed with the rusty smell of blood.


Then everything just went black.


-----


Another hour and Jeon Jeongguk arrive at KTH Studio, to the surprise of the press. Every media man knows that the relationship between one of Seoul’s most eligible bachelors and hottest celebrity is an open secret. Taehyun is the love child of Jeongguk’s mother. But they had
paid off lots of money for the press to keep it under wraps…The two never make appearances together so it is quite a surprise to find Jeongguk in the same building as Taehyun. The brothers are often dubbed as Twin Singing Diamonds of Seoul.


Taehyun has already retreated in one of the offices of the studio, away from the rest of the crowd… not liking the attention from too many people, the ladies in particular. But he was informed of Jeongguk’s arrival and had to go out and meet him.


Both of them will be unveiling the mural and the logo of KTH Studio. When Taehyun gets back at the front lobby where the lot of the media is, he sees everyone already there, set for the reveal of their logo. Jeongguk is already waiting for him by on the other end of the mural which is still covered by the black cloth. Long golden ropes from both sides of are holding up the cloth, tied to a hook on the floor. Kim Taehyung slides a gold pair of scissors to his hand, the same one Jeongguk is holding.


Taehyun knows how much of a big deal this is… not just because it’s his studio but because it’s the first time he will get somewhat acknowledged by the powerful Jeon clan. He hears the murmurs all around him and he just knows this will be in the pages of the papers tomorrow, maybe this will even trend online.


He looks at Jeongguk who is smiling softly at him… and he thinks maybe, despite what happened with him and Beomgyu, life is still good to him and he has a lot to be thankful for. He looks back at the crowd of reporters and almost gets blinded by the hundred flashes.


“Everyone, everyone please settle down,” Kim Taehyung announces and the murmurs lowers down, but never really dies away. “Thank you for braving the holiday traffic and coming here to join us.”


She looks around and calls out the names of the important people in the guest. Taehyun manages to pretend to acknowledge them as well. It eventually ends with Kim Taehyung telling the crowd that the owner will say a few words. Taehyun’s grip on the scissors goes tight as he says the words he had rehearsed back in the office. It’s mechanical but the people didn’t know that. He’s a good actor, after all so he says it like he actually means every bit of it.


He sees Yeonjun and his crew a little to his left, sees the disdain on those eyes but he chooses to ignore that.


After his little speech, it was time for the reveal of their logo. Kim Taehyung once again takes the microphone, “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you again for coming. Now is the time that we finally reveal and welcome you to the future of dancing here at KTH Studio!”


That’s the cue. Taehyun looks at Jeongguk before he slips the blades of the scissors across the rope and cuts through it.


The cloth falls.


A collective gasp.


And then a long silence.


He looks up to see Jeongguk’s face twist in an unreadable scowl. He looks around the crowd and finds Yeonjun’s face in a panic. When he turns to look at the mural, he immediately understands.


Written in red paint, covering a portion in the middle of the mural, hurriedly and carelessly written in bold, capital letters is the word PET.


------


The word was carelessly written in dark ominous letters. From the looks of it, it wasn’t recently done because the paint has already dried and settled. It can’t be from someone with them now.


Yeonjun knows exactly what it is.


Taehyun doesn’t.


He sees the confusion on the man’s face as he looks around and they catch each other’s eyes. In a flash, it’s like the world clicked back to action and suddenly there are more flashes of light from the cameras of reporters. Some of the assistants and coordinators begin covering the part of the defaced mural. The reporters started pushing towards the mural to get a better view but the security pushed the reporters back while some are being escorted inside the studio where the party is still
ongoing, completely oblivious to the commotion outside.


He opens his phone and speed dials Beomgyu’s number, wishing that the guy would pick up. But the call doesn’t even go through, with only the mechanical cheery voice of the operator on the other line.


He feels his blood run cold at the possibility. No, it’s impossible. This can’t be happening.


His staffs are with him and they look utterly confused as well. He turns to Soobin and says, “Get back inside. Once it settles down, you guys go back to Ansan.” He gives the keys of his pickup truck to him, “Don’t let Hueningkai drive.”


“What about you, Yeonjun hyung?”


“I’ll be fine.” He says, knowing he still has a role to finish. He pushes his way through the crowd until he reaches the human barricade securing Taehyun and Jeongguk from the stampede, guiding them out the venue. He calls Taehyun’s name but it gets drowned by the noise. The guy is too far for him to reach and one of the tough-looking security guys is giving him the dirty eye.


He knows this guy is just waiting for him to make a move before he can clock him but he takes the risk, reaching out. He manages to grab Jeongguk’s arm before the man tackles him to the ground, possibly dislocating his shoulder. He hears a shout from Jeongguk and the weight is gone almost immediately.


“Yeonjun-sshi?” Jeongguk calls.


Yeonjun sits up and looks up at the two of them heaving. Then he turns squarely to Taehyun, “It’s Beomgyu. I think he might be in danger.”


At the mention of Beomgyu’s name, Taehyun springs into action. In a flash, he’s in front of Yeonjun, clutching the lapels of his suit, “What do you mean?!”


“That message…” Yeonjun points at the general direction of the mural, “That came from Beomgyu’s crazy, sadistic ex who physically tortured him.”


Whoever said Taehyun’s face is emotionless ought to see him right now. His face switched from confusion to a look of realization and then seething with anger.


Jeongguk is beside Taehyun, putting a hand on his shoulder, “Let’s talk somewhere else, yeah? There are eyes watching here.”


Yeonjun looks around and he sees cameras flashing towards them. Thankfully they are still covered by the bulky bodies of their security so hopefully, the commotion is not that visible. Taehyun is grinding his teeth but he lets Yeonjun go eventually. Jeongguk helps him up his feet, “Tell us what you know.”


------


Beomgyu wakes up bound, wet and cold lying on the floor. A blindfold is tied over his eyes magnifying all the rest of his senses ten times. There is a throbbing pain on his right temple where he hit his head. His hands are tied behind his back with a rough rope chafing his skin. Any attempt
for an escape is futile based on the tight bindings around both knees and legs.


A piece of duct tape is sealing his lips together stopping him from making any loud sounds except maybe grunts and moans. Not like it matters, Byung-hoon probably took him to a place where
nobody would see him.


He hears a peal of manic laughter and then footsteps of someone coming to him. He flinches when a hand removes the blindfold and bright lights momentarily blind him. He blinks a couple of times so his eyes could adjust and when they did, he sees Byung-hoon standing in front of him with a grin. It’s like he’s been transported back in the past looking at the same monochromatic suit and an oxblood red tie. But there’s something different about the way he looks… He’s not the dashing young man he was used to seeing. There’s an underlying danger in his eyes and Beomgyu’s heart is gripped with fear especially when the man bends over and cups his face, “Did you miss me, pet?” The man casually raises his chin and kisses his lips… or at least the duct tape covering his lips.


Beomgyu pulls his head away but the guy only pinches his chin harder. “If you struggle so much, it will only hurt more.” Byung-hoon says, eyes suddenly hateful before he releases him and walks away.


Beomgyu looks around the room, trying his best to familiarize his surroundings and his blood runs cold realizing where they are --the place does look different , particularly because there are no furniture left behind except probably for the single bed at the far end of the room, but he knows exactly where they are. He lived here for two years with the guy. This is where it all came down.


“Home sweet home.” Byung-hoon smiles walking towards where he remembers the kitchen is. Beomgyu can smell the gas of the long-unused stove when he turns it off, “You know, I missed you a lot when I was in the institution.” Byung-hoon says.


Beomgyu knows… the guy was sent to a mental facility to be detained because of the physical abuse case he filed. That case should have landed him in jail, but money and influence work like magic so he managed to worm his way out of a criminal conviction. When the guy was released months prior, that triggered his self-harm incident.


“Makes me wonder what I did for you to do that to me.” He says casually, picking something from the burning flame of the stove. From where he is sitting, Beomgyu can’t really see what it is. “But I’m not a vengeful guy.” He laughs, “I can say, I just really missed you and I wished for a long time to just see you again. Take what’s mine again.”


He says that with lots of malice as he starts to walk towards Beomgyu, “You know… you are mine, right?” Beomgyu grunts in protest when he sees what he’s holding—a branding iron glowing red from the fire. “I guess it’s only fair to take what’s mine.”