IF I STAY

Once Upon A Time In Korea Pt.2

“I really don’t get why you’re doing this.” Yeji is twirling the straw of her extremely sweet Frappuccino around her fingers as she gives him a petulant scowl. It’s a habit she also does with her paintbrushes-- something she picked up from Beomgyu.


Beomgyu gives her a tired smile as he wipes the counter off with a damp cloth and hands her some napkins, “I just really don’t like to rely on anyone.”


“We all have sponsors.” She says, “It is part of the program.”


“Well, I just like to earn my own money.”


“What will you do to the money your sponsor gives you?”


Beomgyu shrugs, “Save it for an emergency? Donate it eventually? I haven’t decided yet, really.”


Yeji shakes her head in disbelief, “I really don’t get you sometimes.”


It’s been almost four months now since his arrival in Seoul. Luckily, Beomgyu is so used to moving a lot that settling down to a new place probably takes less effort for him than it would a normal person. However, this does not change the fact that Yeonjun and Kim Yewon weren’t exaggerating when they said that the program was gruelling. Between that and special classes, he’s almost always exhausted. It took a lot of adjustments but slowly, he got used to the schedule and had eventually built up a routine.


That’s when he decided to fulfil his promise to himself of finding a part-time job and stop totally relying on his sponsors. He can’t totally refuse it because apparently, his sponsor already gave the university the allowance for the entire duration of the program so he just saved it for later use.


He found his part-time job at a small coffee shop near the university. It’s a quaint cafe called Artist Circle, that combines contemporary art and music with coffee. Students seem to love it, and part of it might be because of the owner, Kim Sangwon, an old, sweet woman who reminds him so much of Jeon Suyeon. Her pastries, especially the red velvet brownies, are their café’s highlight food.


Yeji pouts, “But we don’t get to hang around that much.” And then her eyes brighten up and Beomgyu has known her well enough to know it’s the look of mischief, “Why don’t we just use it to buy beer?”


Beomgyu chuckles, “Don’t be like that.” He shakes his head as she exaggerates her pout, “You’re so stingy.”


Beomgyu doesn’t respond because another customer has entered and Yeji moves to the side of the counter so he can take the man’s order. He prepares his Americano as Yeji is whining about how less they see each other now even though she and Yeonjun uses Art Circle as their rendezvous in their countless dates. At least his part-time job keeps him from constantly third-wheeling. When he gives the man his order, he tells the whiny girl that they’ll be able to hang out next weekend during the annual summer art festival.


Yeji beams at him when she remembers, “Oh yes! The art festival! I heard your bull will be part of the art auction.”


Beomgyu reflects her smile—it’s one of his proudest moments. For someone who doesn’t know anything about metalworks, he had gained some interest in melting and moulding metal into sculptures. One of his projects was chosen to be sold off at the annual auction dinner. It’s a twelve by twelve figure of a bull with its two front legs raised, gearing for an attack, its back coiling with powerful muscles.


It’s not something grand—it will just be done in one of the hundreds of rooms in their college and will just be attended by some professors and a few outsiders but still… for someone with confidence as small as a teaspoon, it’s kind of a big thing for him. Of course, it doesn’t mean that he will not doubt himself.


“I just hope someone buys it.” He mutters under his breath and it makes Yeji roll her eyes at him in disbelief, “Why don’t you even have a little faith in yourself?”


He’s not the very least surprised. Next to Yeonjun, Yeji had always been very vocal in her admiration of Beomgyu’s artistry. And she’s also incredibly good at convincing him he should be, too. As if to prove that, Yeji reaches out from the other side of the counter and grabs him by the shoulders, rocking him furiously as if that will shake off all his insecurities, “Beomgyu-sshi. When will you understand that you are a super talented artist? You were born to be an artist. In fact, you are the second most talented artist I personally know.”


She says this in a firm, confident voice, her typically playful eyes filled with all seriousness she could muster. It’s amazing because it almost makes him want to believe her. Maybe he should.


Yeji, he learned is an honest, straightforward woman. Beomgyu wants to say thank you but he notices something from her statement and raises a questioning brow instead, “Second? Because Yeonjun’s the first?”


She blinks at him, and then answers flatly, “No. I am.”


They burst out laughing. Beomgyu can’t help but envy the level of confidence this woman has and he can’t help but think if he would have been like that if he didn’t experience all those things. He can hear Namjoon’s voice again in his head, You can’t be a victim forever. Don’t let your past define your present or your future. His words ring loud and clear to him most of the time now, he can probably already put up motivational posters with them.


Yeji left soon after, telling him she has some important things to still do, but not before making him swear to go out for drinks after the auction next Saturday which he reluctantly agreed to. He had plans on Saturday night which is to catch up with sleep which he is so deprived of, but she just won’t take no for an answer. He waves her goodbye as she walks out of the cafe.


Yeonjun manages to walk in just when he’s already finishing his shift and turning over the register to, Hyunjin. He’s a student from the music department. He’s a pretty popular barista in Artist Circle for his looks. Because apart from being good in playing the guitar he also has an incredibly deep voice. The first time he heard the guy sing was in one of the guy’s classes held beside his painting class. He didn’t even know it was him until he checked to look. His voice has that alluring, raspy sound that he’s sure girls go crazy for. Beomgyu heard that he’s pretty popular with girls in his college and who could blame them? He has a slightly taller build than Beomgyu and has that rugged good looks with his unkempt blonde hair he usually wears in a ponytail. He’s like the perfect example of a struggling musician, minus the struggling part.


Beomgyu gestures for Yeonjun to wait and the guy nods before he goes at the back to change out of his uniform. When he comes back up front, Yeonjun and Hyunjin are having a staring contest. He frowns at Yeonjun who notices his presence and nods, “Hey.” He grabs a cup of freshly brewed coffee from Hyunjin who tells him to have fun, although his face looks stiff.


“Want to grab some dinner?” Yeonjun asks and he beams at him, “As long as you’re paying.” Yeonjun shakes his head but shrugs.


The invitation takes them to the busy Gwanjang market where stalls upon stalls and booths of Korean street food are abundantly in display. The little flaglets decorating the ceiling as well as the colourful food makes the entire place look festive.


Choosing where to eat for dinner is easy for two broke university students. They sit on one of the empty tables a little farther away from most of the stores and the rest of the crowd. The experience leaves them feeling nostalgic even though Korean street food is very different from the ones they have at home.


So, in between mouthfuls of fish cake and spicy tteokbokki, washed down by peach-flavoured soju, they can’t help but think about home. It’s probably a bond that the two of them will always share and something that Yeji can never relate to. Why? Korea is her home. They rarely talk about it now--the idea brings forth fond memories and a longing to come home.


“How are you settling down to your new life?” Yeonjun asks finishing off an octopus skewer. Beomgyu can’t help but laugh at the way he tries to manoeuvre and untangle the cooked tentacles with his mouth. Yeonjun glares at him in a warning. He stops laughing and finishes his glass before refilling it again, “Exhausting. But you know I’m used to that kind of rigorous schedule.”


Yeonjun sighs then nods. Working with Beomgyu for many years now and he has known how workaholic he is, “I know. That’s what I’m worried about.”


Beomgyu is halfway through his third fishcake when he blinks at Yeonjun. He has an idea what Yeonjun is about to say but he still asks, “Then what is it about?”


Yeonjun shakes his head, knowing full well what Beomgyu is doing and knowing it isn’t like Beomgyu to beat around the bush, but here they are, “We’re already busy as it is with our classes and you with your special class… and your part-time job is taking lots of precious time when you should just be resting— “


“Are you going to tell me to quit?” Beomgyu cuts him off before he could even continue “Because you know I won’t.”


Yeonjun isn’t deterred. He just gives a resigned sigh and tells him, “Yeah, I figured. I won’t tell you to quit. I’m just telling you to take better care of yourself.” Yeonjun sighs before grabbing his wrist in just one hand and swings his limp arm as if to prove a point, “You’ve gotten thinner. Have you been sleeping properly?”


Beomgyu knows the question is two-pronged. It means--have you been getting enough sleep and are you still having those nightmares?


Yeonjun doesn’t force him to answer when he pulls his hand away and grabs his glass again to drink. He gets four hours of sleep every night but thankfully, because of his exhaustion--he doesn’t dream anymore. Although he does, occasionally wake up in a cold sweat because he feels someone is with him inside the room--a man in a monochromatic suit and oxblood tie; but when he turns on the light, there really is nothing there.


“I’m fine, hyung.” He says in a rough voice, the alcohol burning his throat. He’s on his fourth bottle now and he can already feel his skin tingling with the alcohol. Since going to Seoul, he had grown his alcohol tolerance significantly. What would use to already put him out of commission, would just give him a pretty bad hangover the next day. Still, he watches how much he drinks now because he doesn’t want to spend his only rest day (or morning, considering he still has the shift in the afternoon tomorrow) stuck in bed nursing a hangover.


Yeonjun takes a shot before he says in a precariously low voice, “By the way, that kid Hyunjin, he totally has a thing for you.”


“What?!” Beomgyu chuckles, “Hyunjin? The boy in Artist Circle?”


“Yeah,” Yeonjun nods raising his glass to him, “He totally has.”


Beomgyu snorts, “We don’t even talk outside of Artist Circle. And besides, he’s not a kid.”


Yeonjun shrugs, putting back his glass and shakes his head, “Too bad for him, you’re too helplessly in love with that other kid.” He even chuckles, “Speaking of which, have you somehow made a reconnection with Taehyun ever since that time you accidentally met him at the airport?”


He almost chokes on his drink, eyes immediately flying open when he turns to Yeonjun who’s leering at him, “Where did that even come from?” He demands and punches Yeonjun’s arm when the guy just chuckles, obviously just teasing him.


Ever since he had admitted his feelings and mistakenly mentioned it to Yeonjun on one of their drinking nights, he had been constantly teasing him about it. That and the fact that he can’t hold his liquor nor his tongue. It’s juvenile and they’re really too old for the teasing but it always never fails to fluster him. The only small relief is that Yeonjun hasn’t told Yeji about it.


“Well, I’m just wondering if you still have that huge crush on him.” Yeonjun says, fully knowing that crush is such a shallow way to describe what Beomgyu is feeling but he’s also obviously doing that to rile him up. Beomgyu doesn’t take the bait. His refusal to answer makes Yeonjun continue, “Yeji is telling me he’ll do a VLive tonight to promote his upcoming series.”


It’s now Beomgyu’s time to chuckle when he realizes what had actually happened when Yeji told him she has something important to do tonight. At first, he thought it had something to do with the art festival, because she’s part of the committee of organizers but now, it all makes sense, “Oh so that’s why you’re here with me and not your girlfriend? Because you’ve been ditched for Kang Taehyun?”


Yeonjun stares blankly at him and shrugs, “Seems to be a pattern.”


It takes a while before he understood what Yeonjun meant and when he did, he shoved the man-not so gently making him tip slightly from his chair and crash on the next table. The woman and man give them the stink eye but they’re too drunk to care, “Hey! That’s low.” Of course, it’s been a long time since Yeonjun’s drunken confession and they have already moved past that and remained good friends but they never really ever talked about how Beomgyu rejected Yeonjun for Taehyun. He didn’t bring it up back because it was a touchy subject. He didn’t want to bring it up now because it’s inappropriate. Looking back, it’s really just probably because he and Yeonjun are content with where they are now. Yeonjun just chuckles good-naturedly, but even he dropped the topic right away. It seems like a lifetime ago, anyway.


“Well, have you figured out a way to talk to him or at least tried to contact him?” Yeonjun goes back to his original topic which doesn’t really make him any less uncomfortable, “You know we can probably get Jeongguk hyung to give us his number.” Yeonjun offers.


Beomgyu shakes his head and stops because it’s making his head spin, “I don’t think I should.”


It’s true. If this was him two years ago, he would have picked up his phone and dialled his number right away. The time he spent alone, rebuilding his life has definitely helped him regain his confidence. But like what Namjoon said—the world wouldn’t wait on him. Taehyun wouldn’t wait around for him. He’d definitely moved on now and even if Beomgyu finds a way to tell him how he feels, it’s very unlikely that Taehyun feels the same way he did two years ago. Love is really all about proper timing. There’s really just no use meeting the right person at a wrong point in your life. Seeing the downtrodden look on his face, Yeonjun finally decides to drop it and starts talking about school.


They discuss their classes, favourite professors, annoying classmates and their upcoming projects. Yeonjun congratulated him on the bull and assures him that someone will definitely buy it, and if nobody bids on it, he definitely will. That lightens up their mood as they end the night.