Serenity - A Journal Of Some Sort

only human

I've spent a long time comparing people around me and placing them in certain categories to understand more about myself and where I stand.

For example, these people are the sporty people. These are the nerdy people. These are the popular people. These people are the bright and shiny people, the ones that make the best pictures on Instagram. These are the dark and stormy people, the ones that have twisted lives and depressing backstories. These people are the drama starters, the ones that'll stab your back the second it's turned. These people are the kind ones, the ones that'll always be there for you.

I've learned that that's a whole load of bull.

I've learned you can't put people in boxes. You can't give them labels and definitive personality traits, because people can be a little bit of everything or nothing all at once.

A "kind" person isn't kind every minute of their lives. A "mean" person isn't mean every minute of their lives. A kind person may only be kind to certain people at certain times. Likewise with a mean person. And if someone is labeled as a certain thing, suddenly everyone is shocked when they step out of their box that everyone else thought they belonged to.

I've realized that putting myself into a box was the worst thing I could have ever done to myself. I was looking for myself, and I thought that putting on the label of the "shy nerdy weirdo" on myself would give me more of a sense of who I was. And then I tried to squeeze myself into that mold, only to find that it didn't fit. 

So then I tried a completely different box on for size. The extrovert, throwing myself into everything I possibly could, that did everything with a smile. For a moment, I felt like one of those happy shiny people I saw on TV, and He made me feel like maybe I truly was. 

But that still didn't feel right either, and though I tried to dismiss it, the little voice in my head kept telling me, "No, no, no."

People are dynamic. People are never one thing or the other.

And the happy beautiful people I see on Instagram are not happy beautiful people all the time. No one is happy and beautiful all the time. 

And if you are, you're not truly human.