I wake up in the morning sometimes with a screaming in my head, "Something's wrong. Fix it."
It's a strange sort of panic, almost like I'm hardwired to be panicked. Which I am. I guess that's a part of anxiety. Sometimes I wonder if I have OCD.
Who knows, honestly?
Even though the conscious part of me knows that everything is fine, another part of me is constantly looking for something out of place, something wrong to be afraid about, something to fix and fix it now.
It's strange because when things go wrong, most of the time I'm calm in the moment. I don't feel the fear until later, until things are getting better, until it's unreasonable to be afraid, and then suddenly I'm paranoid that something's wrong that I forgot about.
So I go over a thousand and one things in my head that it could possibly be wrong, and most of the time it's nothing in particular.
Which sucks, because when I'm trying to relax and enjoy myself there's that constant nagging fear of absolutely nothing.
It just makes me want to ask myself, "What are you so afraid of, really?"
YOU ARE READING
Serenity - A Journal Of Some Sort
RandomThey tell me that what I create is chaos. But what I create is the only thing that brings me serenity. ~ warning: this book abruptly switches from deep personal narratives to really random stuff so hop on and enjoy the ride
