Perfect Insanities

Accepting My Secrets

Zach threw his coffee stained apron over his shoulder and twisted his back until it made a sickening pop. It felt wondrous, especially after a day of running around making fancy, overpriced coffee. All he wanted was to go home and sleep. Now that he wasn't busy, he would undoubtedly begin to think about Will; something that would make him want to cut even more than usual.

He pulled the door open, only to see Liam standing there, staring hard at the ground. For the longest time, the older man didn't even notice that Zach was standing next to him. "Oi, what the hell are you doing here?" the boy finally said in an attempt to catch his guardian's attention.

Liam's head snapped up, but he quickly looked away from the younger man. "I figured I'd walk you home."

For a moment, Zach had no idea what to say. He couldn't keep a shocked expression from crossing his face, and Liam seemed more embarrassed than anything else. "Fucking...what?" he finally managed to sputter. "Shouldn't you be at your damned job?" Zach asked stupidly. He knew his guardian wasn't one for getting sentimental, or leaving work early.

"...Yeah," Liam muttered. God, how did this kid have so much energy all of the time?

"I don't need any fucking company, you know," Zach grumbled, though he was thankful for Liam being there. The more conversation he had, the less time he had alone with his thoughts.

"I'm aware."

"Then what are you doing here?" he snapped. He was thankful, but he wasn't about to show it. He wasn't into that overemotional shit, and neither was Liam.

The older man shrugged. "Let's go."

"Fuck no. What the hell's getting into you?" Zach asked loudly. This was getting fucking weird. "Seriously, you've never-"

"I'm worried."

It was only two words, but they froze Zach in his place.

"About what, asshole?" He asked as casually as he could.

Liam sighed. "Nothing. I mean...It's just...Will's situation is making me...anxious."

Zach blinked a few times, then began walking. Wordlessly, his guardian followed suit. "Why?"

Ignoring the question, Liam kept staring straight ahead and asked; "Do you want to go out for dinner?"

"...Are you trying to make me feel better about this?" Zach asked softly. "Because it really doesn't fucking matter. I already know he's going to off himself."

Liam's mouth moved, but no words came out. How could he say that so casually? Had any one of his friends said that they were suicidal, he wouldn't have let it slide so casually. Then, he remembered; Zach was used to this.

"Can you stop him?"

"Unlikely."

"Oh."

"I'm not upset...it hasn't happened yet."

Liam nodded. He could tell by the younger man's expression not to press the matter farther. "How many of your friends have killed themselves?" He asked cautiously.

"Too many."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be; it's not your fault."

"Oh."

Zach shrugged, and did his best to smile. "I'm not really hungry. Let's just go home."

Liam nodded. "Yeah."

__________________

Zach frowned and pulled the blanket up to his chest. He couldn't get his mind off of Will, no matter how hard he tried. He would have wondered why, but he already knew. The boy was unstable, even more so than usual, given the current situation.