Fighter {Completed}

Chapter Thirty-Two: I Don't Like Me {Ellie}

Chapter Thirty-Two: I Don't Like Me {Ellie}

I stand in the mirror, looking at myself. My pale skin is riddled with freckles, acne, and other various spots. My hair is in a rat's nest, the blonde strands dull and in desperate need of a haircut. My thighs and hips are covered in fresh stretch marks, the angry red stripes showing that despite my attempts of slacking off eating so much, I'm still gaining weight. My lips are far too thin, and my eyes have huge bags beneath them. My ass is flat and my boobs are way too large.

I turn my head.

I don't want to look at myself anymore.

I don't want to look like this anymore.

I want to be someone different.

I want to be someone else.

I don't like me.

My mind turns to those topless girls on the boat earlier. They took their turn making fun of me, too. They were perfect, like the girls out of a Hollywood movie that everyone wants to go out with. My heart plummeted when Cole came around to the front of the boat.

I turned my head away from him.

If he looked at those girls, I don't want to know.

You know he did, Eleanor. Keenan's voice is in my mind, infiltrating the sadness that resides there. Why would he want you when he could have someone who looks like them?

Shoving tears away from my eyes angrily, I pull myself together, painting on a blank face, getting dressed, and exiting the bathroom without another look in the mirror. A jolt runs through my body as I enter my room, reacting to a shirtless Cole leaning against the wall as he looks out the window.

He turns his head to look at me, a smile forming on his lips. I try to force one back for him.

Without hesitation, he reaches for me. His arm flexes as he pulls me toward him by my wrist, driving red across my cheeks as my heart begins slamming in my chest.

I look up to meet his gray eyes. They shine with amusement and playfulness. Cole's in a good mood.

He smirks when he sees the deep blush on my face, my stomach going crazy at his words. I can't fight my smile, my mood lightening despite the shit from Keenan.

A knock has us turning our heads, looking toward the door as I take a step back from Cole. "Hey, we're about to grill. You guys hungry?" Scarlet asks. I nod, walking toward her as I hear Cole hesitate.

"I'm gonna take a shower. I'll be down in a few."

Slight disappointment flashes through me, but I brush it away. He'll only be a few minutes.

Intrusive thoughts shove through my brain.

Will he be thinking of those girls in the shower? What if he decides that I don't measure up to them?

I force them away, begging for my brain to stop hurting my heart.

As Scarlet and I near the dining room, she pulls me into the bathroom downstairs, grinning excitedly. "So, have you two kissed yet?" I frown, scoffing.

"Not really," I shake my head, playing it cool despite the flutter in my chest and longing in my heart.

"Not really? What the hell's that mean?"

"Our lips just like, barely touched, but my phone went off and ruined the mood. Every single time we've almost kissed, something's happened."

"Awh, so sweet. My little Ellie is growing up."

I frown in indignation, sighing.

"Well, maybe you just need to go for it. Even if something ruins the mood next time, just kiss him anyways." I didn't want to admit it, but she's right. It seems like if anything is going to happen between us, it's going to have to survive the interruptions.

Eleanor, come on. You're not the kind of girl Cole wants.

"Ellie," Scar says, looking directly into my eyes and cutting Keenan's voice out of my mind. "You okay?" I nod, but she doesn't buy it, a frown coming to her lips. "Tell me the truth, El."

"Everyone seems to think that I'm not the type of girl Cole really wants... and I'm not so sure that they're wrong." The words are heavy, and even through all the almost-moments that Cole and I have shared, doubt still eats way at my being.

I pray to whoever will listen that my own mind is wrong, that Keenan is wrong.

Because if they're not, I'm not so sure what I'll do.

__________

By the time Cole gets out of the shower and into the dining room, I'm halfway through a game of pool with Sebastian, holding my cue in my hands as I wait for him to take his shot.

"Jesus, Sebastian, would you pick one already?" Scarlet groans, stretching out across the couch.

Cole leans against the door frame. His dark hair is still slightly damp, cheeks and nose red from a clearly hot shower. A dark blue t-shirt hugs his strong form, his muscles clearly defined through the fabric as he crosses his arms over his chest. His long legs are hidden by a pair of light jeans that I know would have any girl drooling. His feet are crossed at the ankles as he leans, looking like a model.

I let my eyes go back to his face, only to freeze when I spy his smirk, his eyes dark and smug. Instantly, I know he caught me staring. I almost faint as he winks suddenly, sending bolts of lightning into every cell in my body.

"Dammit!" Sebastian curses, making me turn my attention back to the pool table. I know I look like a tomato right now; my whole face is burning with embarrassment.

I take my turn, too focused on the image of Cole in my head to actually score anything.

Sebastian beats me by a mile, even though I was winning when Cole first came in here.

"Who wants next? I'm retiring as the champ," Sebastian grins, laying his pool cue across the table and pushing Scarlet's legs off of the couch so he can sit down. She lays her legs across him as Taylor comes into the room, her arms filled with beers and other bottles I don't recognize as she sits beside us.

"Alright," she begins. "I wanna watch some pool. Someone play." I smile, holding my cue and waiting for someone to join me. My smile drops when I see movement from Cole out of the corner of my eye, his arm grasping Sebastian's pool cue and his eyes moving to me.

"This should be interesting," Scarlet attempts to whisper, knowing it's going to make me turn red. I ignore her, moving toward the table and racking up the balls. Scarlet kicks me softly as I stand beside her, her eyes jutting toward Cole obviously.

Scar and I's conversation from the night Cole and I danced together comes to mind.

I think back to me denying that Cole had any sort of feelings for me. I remember telling her that I have way too much baggage, my body is the opposite of the girls he normally gets with, and I was sure he was tired of me by that point.

Something way down deep tells me I'm wrong, and I can only hope that if Cole actually likes me, that he won't hurt me in the end.

Deciding to finally listen to Scarlet for once, I give her a look - one that says, 'I'm going to do your stupid plan and hope it doesn't backfire in my face.'

She smiles, nodding.

And I take a breath, knowing that as the pool match starts, the real game begins.

__________