The bond

Chapter 13: Sapphire

When I opened my eyes I was met with pure black. For a minute I just stood there surrounded by darkness. Looking around I didn't understand what was going on. I was in a standing position. I woke up in a standing position? How the hell did I manage that? Suddenly a bright white light started shining. My eyes had a hard time focusing. The overwelming brightness started vanishing, enabling me to see what was beneath. 

In front of me there was a man hunched over a chair. Blindfolded and tied down. His blonde hair hanging messily over his eyes. Even in this position it only took me one second to realise who it was. The moment I realised my brother was tied down on a chair in front of me he started coughing up blood. The red substance started trickling down his chin and onto the ground. The grey stones turning a deep red now.

I tried to move towards him. I need to help him. I couldn't let him stay there. I need to call an ambulance and the police. But first I need to get to him. At this rate he's going to die. He can't die. But i couldn't move forward.Some kind of force kept holding me back. My legs were numb and wouldn't budge, no matter how hard I tried to get to him I couldn't. I tried reaching out to him with my arms instead. Using every ounce of energy stored in my body to get to him. My hands came into the light. But they weren't my arms. They were too hairy and veiny. 'My hand' was clutched around an object. Averting my gaze from my brother to my hands I saw just what it was. In my hand there was a gun that was pointed at my brothers haed. No. I needed to get that away from here. This wasn't me. I would never. I tried dropping it. Trying to open my hands. It didn't do anything. Trying to put my arms down again didn't do anything. I wanted that stupid piece of metal to get out of my vision. 

"Shoot." came a voice from next to me. I didn't know who it was. I also couldn't move my head. Like I couldn't control my body. The only thing I could move was my finger. But I didn't want that. I tried as hard as possible not to pulll the trigger. I need to fight this. I need to get out of here. But I couldn't help it I saw the bullet make contact with Luke and suddenly I was out of my containment. Finally able to move my body I wasted no time to get to my brother. The dark shadows coming with me as I tried to outrun them and get to my brother. But every time I moved he also moved back. This didn't stop me from running though. I felt the tears sting and screamed "Stop Luke, don't die you can't die!" But to no advance. I saw the life leave his body. his sapphire blue eyes looking straight through me as he didn't hold himself up anymore, and stopped coughing. "Wake up luke wake up" I continued screaming. I felt someone trying to pull me back. No someone was shaking me. And Luke just continued to move further and further and there was nothing I could do.. The shaking continued. and I heard someone say "wake up" to me. But it wasn't the same voice as before. It was softer, sweeter, not as demanding.

"Wake up!" and with this I opened my eyes. I sat up and couldn't stop the tears from slipping. I hadn't had a nightmare in more than a year. Why did I have one now? First the panic attack now this. Like everything I fought against and finally conquered is suddenly back. 

That's when I feel a hand carressing my back and soothing sparks coming through my t-shirt, which I was still wearing. I looked around and saw in the glinster of the moonlight two eyes looking at me. "Are you okay?" he asks. I try to answer but the only thing that escapes my mouth is a sob. 

He shouldn't see me like this. It's like I can't hide the ugly truth that is me. I just want to go home. Just lay in my bed and cry. But not in front of him. I must look like some sad weak girl. I'm not. I am strong. The tears proved otherwise. Continuing to slide down my cheeks. I wiped them away harshly. I shouldn't be crying. That didn't even happen. I just had a bad dream. In real life nothing changed. My brother is still alive and I'm not even near him. I couldn't have done anything. Everyone loves my brother. He was always the golden child. The popular kid at school. Never would anyone even think about doing something like that. The thought alone gives me chills. 

The only thing that somewhat comforts me is Jungkook's hand on my back. Though it also makes me feel uncomfortable. He's seen me at my worst twice now. I'm a crying mess. And he, he's a popstar. He's famous and seemingly unflawed. How can I ever be enough? I should've just said no to begin with. A simple no, no drama, no soulmate, no problem. What in godsname made me say yes? "What happened?" I hear Jungkook's whisper. 

It's a very easy question to answer. And I woke him up, so it's only fair I'd tell him. But my lips are sealed and quivering. I just look at him and feel another sob coming up. I see Jungkook stand up. Is he going to leave? I scared him of in less then a day. I bet that's a world record. But what did I expect. I'm not soulmate material. The only thing I'm good at is being a nuisance. Jungkook's hand leaves my back.

But instead of turning around and disappearing to his bed or to another room he sits down on the bed. Seeing the look in my eyes he smiles "This is more comfortable." Shit. I let him sit on the ground for god knows how long. I'm a real dumbass. He has been comforting me for a while now and when he wants to sit more comfortably I accuse him of leaving me? I really suck. Then a chill passes through his body. And I don't know wether it's the bond or just me but I lift the blanket, scooting over allowing him to scoot underneath it. 

We're both laying on our backs now, have been for a couple of minutes. I don't know what to say. should I say something. He's probably alraedy asleep. I shouldn't bother him any more than I already have. He has a performance tomorrow for god's sake. And here I am depriving him from his sleep even more. "When I joined Bangtan I used to have nightmares every night. That's the reason I got a single room." He says looking up at the ceiling. I'm doing the same. "I used to be so scared of everything. So scared of the next step. Everyone was nervous obviously. But I always dreamed that we were all standing on stage and I would fall in the middel of a performance. Everyone would start to laugh at me and my fall would be endless. But now that I actually fell off off the stage, it's the best experience I've ever had. It brought me to you." 

"I dreamed that I was forced to kill my brother." I spoke quietly.Not really sure why I was opening up to him. I hadn't even told Faye any of this. It was a reoccurig nightmare. Every time the same thing happened and each time I was unable to change anything. I think that's my biggest fear. Not being able to do anything to change where I am and who I am. Maybe that's why the idea of soulmates terrifies me so much. You get what you get and there's no way to change that, ever. 

"I'm scared." I told him makng him shift and look in my eyes from across the bed. "I'm scared that I won't ever be able to choose to do anything. That I will always be forced by something. That I won't be able to change things no matter how hard I try." A new tear rolled down my cheek. I didn't even know I had any left. Before I can wipe it away I feel a thumb carressing my cheek and getting rid of the stupid tear. He shifts a little closer and I let him. With each stroke of his thumb some of my worries disappear until none are left and my eyelids close for the second time that night.