Loving the Bad

Chapter 41

"Last week pa walang padala si attorney, a? Suko na agad?" Tinignan ni Frascesca ang desk sa harap na walang nakalagay na pagkain at bulaklak tulad noon.

Hindi lang siya at ako ang nakapansin noon. Halos lahat ng kasamahan kong intern sa department na ito ay napansin iyon sa akin.

Hindi sila sanay na walang nag-aabot sa akin ng paper bag na mayroong kasamang bulaklak. Hindi sila sanay na hindi ako makitang ipinapamigay lamang iyon.

Hindi nalang ako sumasagot sa tuwing iyon ay nababanggit nila. Wala namang kaso sa akin kung hindi na magpapadala si Kai ng kahit ano dahil wala naman iyong kahulugan para sa akin.

Our last interaction last, last week must have awaken him from the idea that I don't want any connection from him.

'Sana pala hindi nalang kita nakilala, ano? Siguro hindi ako masasaktan ng ganito.'

After I said those words to him, I stormed out. Ngunit hindi nakatakas sa aking paningin kung paano umawang ang labi niya at natigilan, kung paano tumulo ang luha mula sa kaniyang mata. Hindi ko alam kung namamalikmata lang ba ako noong makita ko ang sakit na dumaan sa kaniyang mga mata.

He look pained by what I said.

But I didn't mean it and I would never mean it. It is just that my emotion got the best of me. Those words are driven by my ugly emotions. It just slipped through my out. I felt like that is what I have to say— that is what I needed to say.

"Let's go?" Tumingin ako kay Israel na nakalahad sa akin ang kamay.

Binuksan niya ang pinto ng kanyang kotse at pinaupo ako sa front seat habang inaalalayan.

Tumango ako sa kaniya bilang pagsang ayon. He smiled widely before closing the door.

Huminga ako ng malalim at ngumiti sa kaniya ng makapasok na siya sa kotse.

I know I said that I will never date Israel again but I got to try. I can't just keep myself hidden. I got to try to date someone again than to think about what Kai did. It just that when everything starts to go smooth, my doubts starts to attack me again.

Maybe it would stop if I will just shrugged it off and go with the flow.

Maybe Israel or and other guy can drove away these thoughts. Maybe they can make me to stop thinking about Kai.

Maybe this is what I need. I need to let someone in into my life— but the thing is I am too scared to experience that kind of pain again.

Sobrang hirap kasi para sa akin na mag-open up na naman sa ibang tao. I need to start fresh. Babalik na naman sa umpisa, sa pagpapakilala. Nakakasawa iyon. Kailangan ko na namang hukayin ang mga nangyari sa akin noon.

I will have to introduce my self again. Someone will have to know my secrets, my fears and my weaknesses again. Then what are they going to do after that? They will fucking left again then I will need to go through that fucking pain again.

It's hard to let someone in into my life again. Dahil 'yung takot na baka masaktan ka na naman o maloko ay nandoon pa din, parang hindi na mawawala iyon.

I am too scared for that.

I am too scared to fall hard for someone who will just hurt me at the end.

But right now, I am going to try. If everything goes smoothly then it's good and if not? At least I tried.

"Mahal ata dito?" Nahihiya kong tanong kay Israel ng inalalayan niya ako pababa ng kaniyang sasakyan.

Tinignan ko ang matayog na building na nasa harapan namin.

Cuenco Hotels

Isa iyong five-star hotel at ang alam ko ay napakamahal dito. Sikat ang hotel na ito lalo na sa mga mayayaman dahil masarap daw ang mga pagkain dito at pati ang mga wines. Sikat din ang may-ari nito na mayroong iba't-ibang hotels sa buong Pilipinas.