The good the bad and the okay I guess(GxG)

Father-Daughter Day 2

After we bid farewell to my secret family, dad and I are back on the road with the promise Ami will visit.

“Any more secret family I should know about?” I question, opening the dashboard and taking out a lolly because for the love of me Alex can not stop leaving her sweets in my car. 

“I think I like Ami.” I say unwrapping the colorful wrapper and putting it in my mouth.

“I noticed.” Dad turns to look at me, and his smile can probably reach the stars, what does that even mean? He noticed.

I decide to ignore his vague answer, and after a few minutes of driving Dad parks the car outside of Sweet Castle, the best ice cream shop in the world.

We go inside, and I order the Minty Vanilla ice-cream mixed with jelly beans and dad goes for banana. I love banana but as a fruit not ice-cream.

I bring our Ice cream over to the booth dad chose, luckily it's by the window, I relax into the blue leather couch, my mouth in heaven with all these different flavours mixing together in my mouth.

“Back in college.” Dad starts, and I start taking small scoops, so I can listen better.

“I had this roommate. His name was Lucas and Lucas was gay and I — I hated him, hated that he was so free and in love with whom he was,” I push my ice-cream to the side, my attention all focused to the man in front of my eyes.

“Back then you were either gay or straight, no bisexuality.”

“Wait wait wait, you're bisexual? MY freaking dad is bi, and I didn't know. He glares at me, "Okay, sorry go on.” I take a spoonful of the melted liquid.

“Lucas helped me. He helped me love the parts of myself that I despised. He loved me and I loved him back and when it ended, Oh God it felt like the world was coming to an end, no one could understand, I couldn't get out of bed for weeks and then I failed my third semester because I was so unfocused.”

Dad turns to look out the window. I can hear it in is voice that this is hard for him, but I love this side of him, this soft and emotional side that shows that he's human not some robot that in forces my punishment all the time.

He turns to look at me again, “That man Hazel, he showed me what life was all about but my fear took him away from me and if I could go back, I'd choose him, he's the one that got away for me and I know men aren't supposed to like other men like that but I did, and I was so ashamed. I guess what I'm saying Hazel is if you love someone, don't let the fear of what people will say stop you, love them unconditionally and love them especially when the world tells you no, well except your cousin, she's off limits. “

“Dad!” I hit his arm, “I like Ami as my cousin and beside I have my eyes on someone else.”

“That's good,” He smiles, looking down at his ice-cream. "That's good."

“How did you know?” I ask.

“After having kept that part of myself hidden away, it becomes easy to notice it in other people,” His cold hands wraps around my tiny ones, “Come out Hazel, to hell with the world, with your mom. Do it for you, and it's pretty lonely in the closet.”

“I love you, dad.” I get up from the opposite couch and wrap my arms around his neck, “so much.”

“I love you too, sweet pea.” I don't go back to my sit. I lay my head on dad's shoulder, and we sit like that till the lights come out and the sky turns from blue to pitch black.

As we're Cruising down the N1, open window and sipping cool drinks, John Legends surefire comes on and on cure dad cranks up the volume, and we jam along. Singing lines we know and other we make up our own as we go along.

I don't want today to end, I don't want to go back to the way things were. How can I when I've tasted this feeling of complete and utter content?

“This is the last place.”

“It's a bar?” I say, maybe he parked on the wrong building.

“Yes and I'm going to buy my daughter a drink. I know you drink. I just want you to not hide it from us, to drink responsibility and so now we get out and I get you a drink and as the designated driver will have a cola, how's that?”

“Pretty cool, pretty cool dad.” I laugh.

We enter the bar, my eyes roaming around the place, taking in my surroundings, I've never been inside one, a club yes but never a bar.

I take it all in, the people playing pool in one corner and the girls dancing to some song I don't know and others making out, some are playing darts, yeah I'm in a bar with my dad, the world must be coming to an end.

We sit down in the tall bar stools. I straighten my back and place my hands on the counter, the bartender looks me up and down, and turns to look at my dad.

“What can I get you?” He asks.

“I'll have a cola and the beautiful lady here will have...”

“Three shots please.” I interject.

“Can I see some identification?” He asks and my shoulders drop. Maybe we can do this again in three years.

I'm ready to get up and leave when dad takes out a few bucks from his wallet and hands them over to the bartender. “She'll have three shots.” He repeats, not once does his voice falter.

“You got it chief.” Three vodka glasses are placed in front of me and clear liquid fills the glasses.

I turn to look over at dad to check if he hasn't changed his mind yet, and he seems to be enjoying the music as his head bops up and down to the rhythm of the song.

I down the first two in one after the other, squeezing my eyes shut as the liquid burns at my throat and chest, but OH God!!!

The warm feeling inside makes the pain worth it.

After ordering 3 more my head is spinning and my voice louder. I'm half draped on the counter and the music fills my head and sends me to a different land.

“How about I get you home.” Dad gets down from his chair and helps me down. I wrap my arm around his neck, my legs feel like jelly.

“You're the best dad, in- in the whole wide world... Beyond the moon and constellations and the moon... Do you think Liv is in the moon?”

“She is.” He smiles sadly and starts walking towards the exit but before we can get out I turn back and scream, “I love this man.” I get a few cheers from a few girls before dad drags me out.

“Ok,” He laughs, “You are officially wasted.” He says getting me in the back seat and putting a seat belt over my body.

We get home, and mom is still not here. My body sinks into the soft mattress, I've never realized this but goodness gracious this pillow feels so warm too.

I pull up the duvet over my body and a sigh escapes my lips as I relax into this position. But when I look at dad, he seems hazy, like looking through a window on a snowy day.

“I need my goggles,” I tilt my head to look up at where I usually put them and nope they're not there. "Nooe glasses... Goggles not me." I giggle

“I'll get them. They're in the car.”

“Okay, okay, okay, that's a-okay.” I sing.

“I hope and pray with all my heart that one day you'll forgive me for what happens next.” Dad whispers, planting a small kiss on my forehead before exiting the room.

Hope
   next
     prays.

The words become a scrambled mixture in my brain. I fall asleep with the words on repeat.

What happens next.

      One day

                Hope
    Pray...