The good the bad and the okay I guess(GxG)

Leaving Is Easy

When something bad happens we try to escape it but how do you escape the death of your child?

How do you outrun that? 

What will help you heal?

To forget it ever happened?

Usually the first thing that wakes me up before my alarm does is the blinding light through my bedroom window but as I wake up I don't have to shield my eyes because someone is sitting near the window, blocking the sunlight. 

I focus my vision towards the silhouette in front of me. “Mom?” I ask and she turns to look at me.

I sit up but too fast as my head aches and the room spins reminding me of yesterday's events. Six shots was an invitation for disaster.

It was the best day of my life though even if I have a pounding headache and sore eyes I'd do it all over again, it was the weirdest too but mostly a great day and today is another awaiting to happen, hopefully. 

“Mom is everything alright?” I walk over to where she's sitting I kneel in front of her, on the window seel is dad's whiskey, and she has had most of it, it reaks. There are dried up tears on her face and her shirt is soaked. 

I open the windows and fresh air flows in. I lift her head up, so she can look at me.

On Friday I'll be turning nineteen and for the whole week my mother becomes a zombie, it doesn't matter that I'm still here mom just mourns all over again.

“He's gone.” She whispers.

“Yes, mom. Liv is gone but I'm here and dad will be here too, I heard Pearl say she was coming soon, so she'll be here too.”

Mom grabs the bottle and attempts to open the cap but I snatch it away from her before she takes another sip.

“His side of the wardrobe is empty and his car is gone...his — his phone has been disconnected.” She laughs as fresh tears make their way down her face. “Just gone, who does that!?” She screams

Mom throws the bottle on the floor, and to my luck it does break.

"Is it dad?” I ask, more tears race down now, she grabs my arms as she gasps for air that simply is everywhere.

“He's gone, I can- I can't breathe... I can't breathe.” She claws at her neck. 

“Hey! look at me.” I take her hands in my mine, “Look at me and breathe, just in and out okay, just breathe.” My voice shakes as I command her to breathe and my stomach is in knots and my heart is rocketing against my chest. 

We spend the next ten minutes breathing in and out, until we both calm down. I walk her to her room and I open the water for a shower, and she gets right in. 

The wardrobe is wide open, and she's right, all his clothes are gone. Like not even a sock left in a drawer, all the trace of him ever being here in this house is gone except for the photographs on the walls. 

Was I so out of it I didn't hear him pack up, was that his plan all along, get me drunk and then leave without a goodbye, without a reason? 

I check on mom, and she's just standing under water. And I feel the overwhelming urge to scream but I can't because I have to be strong and strong people don't cry, I have to be here for mom. 

I walk away to get my phone, but as I stare at it I don't know who to call, if I call Pearl what do I tell her? that our dad just decided that he didn't want to be a father anymore, how is that fair? 

I end up dialing dad's number and the words I hear steal the air from my lungs, and I can't not cry because if he's gone then it means I don't have a dad anymore or do I have one, and he's just a silent parent.