Two Idiots One Bed

Chapter 1

Craig POV:

Summer vacation, it's that breath of fresh air that has been lifting a colossal weight off of every student's shoulders since the day it was invented. For us teenagers, summer vacation is a way to keep us sane during these trying times of constant exams and worrying about the future, you know...adulting. It's a beacon of light that is holy and sacred, forever being cherished by schools all around the globe. Statistically, everyone is at least 80% happier during summer vacation. Don't fact check me on that, please.

By now you are probably wondering why I am spouting all this bullshit about summer break. Why won't you just get to the point already? What does this have to do with anything? Why are you breaking the fourth wall and talking like a college English professor? Well, I can answer two of those questions. The point is I'm on summer vacation at this very moment and not being at school is great. I need to start this story off somehow and if an over romanticized inner monologue isn't enough for you, then I don't know what is.

Anyways, I actually don't think of summer as that big a deal compared to the average kid my age. This isn't just me being quirky and not like other boys. I'm just a guy who knows that Father Time is a bitch and enjoying my summer isn't going to help me get a high score on the SAT. You see, I'm about to go into my third year of high school. Every high schooler knows about the infamous junior year. It's a dream crusher. Summer for me is more or less about planning for the future and banking that bank.

For someone who sees summer as a waste of time, it seems stupid for me to be talking about it right now in such a glorifying way, huh? Well yeah, but this summer was actually not a waste of time for once. It was a summer full of crazy shit that has probably changed my life forever. I ended up discovering new things about myself, some embarrassing, some even more embarrassing, and surprisingly became less of an asshole. Oh yeah, did I mention I'm an asshole? No? Well it's true, that's what I'm kind of known for by my classmates and even my own friends. Let's be honest though, who in South Park isn't an asshole? It wasn't until I met a boy that could balance out my assholiness with more assholiness, that I began to have character development that transformed me into less of an asshole... That was a tongue twister.

Hi, I'm Craig Tucker and I will be your host for this evening.

It all started with a flight to an unknown location, awaiting our stay at a resort that we will never explicitly state the name of. My pal, Tolkein, invited seven of us to that resort for two whole weeks. Fun fact about Tolkein, his family is like the wealthiest family in all of South Park. The fact that he had the money to bring seven fucking friends (including himself) to a fancy ass resort is as good of proof as any that his family is filthy rich. I mean, his dad is a lawyer and his mother is a scientist of some sort so that about explains it.

Anyways, his parents entrusted him this year to go alone to this resort apparently because they both had important business trips or some shit. Of course, Tolkein decided to bring friends along with him because what the fuck is he going to do at a vacation getaway alone? So here we are...on a plane...about to spend two weeks at a place that probably costs more to stay at than the amount of my future college student loan debt. What could go wrong?

"Okay guys, I want you all to pair up now before we arrive at the hotel."

This is already off to a great start.

A/N: He's being sarcastic.

Die.

Me, being the type of person I am, chooses to ignore Tolkein, looking out the window instead. I can literally already predict who is going to room with who. Tolkein and Clyde will most likely pair up because at this point they are basically married. Stan and Kyle will definitely join forces and share a room, causing Kenny to pair up with Butters. That just leaves little ol' me, who of course will be forced to share a room with-