sign of the times | h.s.

chapter seven

MADILYN HOLLEY

I rolled out of bed, trying to make as little noise as possible. Thankfully, my actions went undetected and I was able to silently make my way into the bathroom. I found a pair of pajama shorts and a hoodie on the shelf in my closet and threw them on quickly before making my way downstairs. My head was pounding and the room felt like it was spinning but I tried my best to ignore it. I started a pot of coffee and sat down on the kitchen floor with my head in my hands. How could I be so stupid? How could I get so drunk that I would have sex with someone and not remember a thing. I woke up from one nightmare to find myself in another. This was the dumbest decision that I could have made. I felt a tear fall down my cheek as I stood up to grab the coffee pot and pour a cup for myself. I moved over to the living room to grab my journal and made my way outside to the swing to write.

I missed Alex so much, and I wished more than anything in this moment that I could talk to him. He would know what to do. He would know how to handle this. He always did. I began writing, deciding that I would address my entry to Alex as if I was talking to him. I began to tell him all about how I fucked up and how all of the new friendships I had made were going to be ruined over this. This was going to ruin everything. I couldn't even imagine how Liam was going to react either, would he still want to be my friend? Would he be able to forgive me? Would I be able to forgive me? The hot tears streamed quickly down my face as I wrote in my journal, soft sobs exhaling from my mouth as I did so. I couldn't even try to hold it back as the tears flowed so heavily. Just then, rain began to fall and it felt as though the heavens began to open up to cry along with me. I grabbed my mug and journal, running back into the house but closing the door softly so as not to wake last night's mistake. I wasn't ready to face that head on just yet.

I sat on the floor in front of the couch to continue writing, placing my mug and journal on the table in front of me, but I lost all focus as I lost control of my tears. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my head on them, my body softly shaking as I silently sobbed. I was a mess. I picked up my phone and began dialing quickly, needing to talk to my best friend. Tess answered instantly and said, "Hey girl! What's up?"

"Tessy." I said, my voice breaking as another sob escaped my body. "Tessy I messed up."

I heard her close a door and then she quickly whispered, "What's wrong? Are you okay? Everything is okay Madi, whatever it is it will be okay."

The tears fell harder as I began to reply, "I made a mistake Tess, last night I-"

"Mads?" I heard a soft voice say as I looked up to see him standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Madi? Who was that? Madi are you there?" Tess called through the phone as I sat there speechlessly, wiping the tears from my face.

"Hey, I'm sorry Tess. I'll uh, I'll call you later. I love you, I'm sorry." I said before hanging up the phone and resting my head on my knees again, not wanting to make eye contact with the boy in front of me.

"Mads are you alright?" I heard as the sound of footsteps moved closer to me.

I looked up to see the curly haired boy sitting next to me on the floor and as my eyes met his, I got lost in a sea of green and felt another tear fall. "Yes I'm fine. I'm fine. I um, what do you remember about yesterday?" I replied with a sigh, braking eye contact to look back down at the floor.

"Not much, I remember Mitch and Layla taking a car home and we stayed with Liam for a bit before he fell asleep at the kitchen table. That's the last thing I remember." He said softly as he nervously played with the rings on his fingers. "Mads I don't remember what happened but judging by the state I woke up in, I could make a pretty good guess. I'm so sorry Mads, I-"