Soul Ties

three

the past is in your head, the future is in your hands

~ Soul Ties 1:3

Messiah

My slow breaths were the only sounds that could be heard in the dark room, other than that it was dead silent. Just how I liked it; I had adopted this strange habit - sitting in the dark, no noise. With only my tortured thoughts to comfort me, I didn't want or need company from anyone. It was unnecessary. I closed my eyes and breathed out as I listened to the rain thud onto the window, the sky was dark, complementing my gloomy mood. I kissed my teeth and shoved my hands into my pockets. Someone moved around outside my door and then the door slowly creaked open. A click and then the light fluttered on. I blinked twice, getting used to the light before my face settled into a deep scowl. I looked up and kissed my teeth, again. I didn't want to see any light, the light rarely came on and I do not know why it was any different today.

"Lights. Off."

"But-"

"Miah, I'm not joking," I growled.

"I just thought you might want company," she muttered quickly.

I didn't reply.

She moved towards me and sat on the low bed, sighing before kicking off her shoes and crossing her feet.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Nothing," I replied bluntly.

"You're just sitting here, doing nothing? In the dark?"

"Yes. I am."

She mumbled something underneath her breath and lay her head on the wall behind us.

"Did you want something?" I asked, irritably.

"Not really, just wanted to check on you."

I raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything, noting that she had been doing this for the past few days.

Her hand trailed towards my stomach and then down to my thighs.

I looked down at her and lowered my eyes to her lips,"Hm, what are you up to?"

She didn't say anything but switched her position until she was straddling me. I placed my hands on her hips and sat back as she pulled my jumper up and over my head.

She pulled down my zipper and massaged my dick, gaining a groan from me. She smiled and pulled off her leggings before wrapping her thighs around my waist, I stood up and lowered her until she was beneath me. I trailed my fingers down, she was already wet for me. I pressed my dick on her entrance and went deep inside her. She moaned, wrapping her legs tighter around me. I closed my eyes thinking of her. As I penetrated and came, I thought of Shantaè. I thought of how I had watched her at Daniel's grave looking as beautiful as ever.

"Messiah?"

I didn't reply, pulling up my jeans and yanking my top on,"You can leave now. Go check on your son."

Miah drew her head back and nodded to herself, gathering her clothes and departing from the room.

"Fuck," I muttered to myself.

Again. This had to be the tenth time I had fucked Miah in the past two years. She was always just a quick beat and she knew that, she knew I still loved Shantaè. Miah was only supposed to help me with a job but that had been extended and I ended up staying with her. She became a distraction, something to get my mind off the murderous thoughts I frequently had. There was a dark space in my mind, that if I went to it would take me a long time to get out of. Days like that I would stay in bed, submitting to the past; allowing it to fall onto me. Thinking of the good days and then the bad, my last moments with her. I shook my head and cursed underneath my breath, it was too late to go back now. Wasn't it? She wouldn't forgive me, I couldn't just pop back up on her as if I hadn't ghosted for two years. She probably thought I was dead, I might as well be.

"Yo, g," a deep male voice called from the door.

I looked up to see Kioni standing behind me.

"Yo," I mumbled.

"She knows, bro. You might as well get going now."

My head snapped up,"What do you mean?"

"Couple days ago, I drove past her at the bus stop. You know, checking to see if she was okay like you asked me. She looked mad shook, g. Like, proper scared. Remember, Reapz?"

"What about him?" I asked.

"Yeah, his girl is Shantaè's cousin and he told her you were at Daniel's gravesite," Kioni said.

"For fucks sake."

Kioni mumbled something underneath his breath and sniffed.

"What, fam?"

"Just go back to her, g. It's never too late."

Shantaè

It was too late.

Too late for him to come back.

He was too late.

My stomach hurt, I groaned to myself as I rolled over in my bed.

"Bro, stop acting like a baby."

I glared at Lezain and kicked his shin, making him fall off the bed in pain.

"Pussy," I muttered underneath my breath.

"So what if he comes back? Don't you love him-"

"No. He's dead to me. That's it. Those feelings died two years ago," I stated firmly.

"Hm. Then why you so pressed that my man's coming back? You're over him, right? So can't you just air him?"

Lezain was right.

I could air him, that wasn't going to be a problem.

"Lezain, I can't."

He kissed his teeth and buried his head into one of my pillows,"Why not?"

"Because . . . We have unfinished business. We never even broke up."

"Do you think he waited for you?"

"I mean, no. It doesn't even matter. We're not getting back together."

Even as I said this my stomach churned and my chest felt heavy; I felt nauseous. All the feelings I had felt when he left were coming back to me. Slowly but surely.

Why now?

There had to be a reason why he had decided to leave so hastily and only come back now. Two years had passed. I wondered if he still looked the same, I wondered what he had been doing.

"Listen, one way or another you're going to bump into him in ends. So just gather your wits," he said before laughing loudly.

This was honestly a whole joke to Lezain.

"Get out of my house. Right now," I grumbled.

I buried my face in my pillow, feeling the urge to cry and scream.

This was a nightmare.

I couldn't help but feel like a living nightmare was really returning to me, two years later.

~ MAJESTY