What it cost

Chapter 23

Over the next few days, Sirius spent the most of the day shutting himself in Buckbeak's room, avoiding everyone. He was moodier and Remus barely heard two words out of him. At first, Remus thought he was mistaken and that he'd spent a high quality of time watching over Sirius' every move that he was overreacting. But Sirius wasn't only avoiding him but everyone, he noticed that on Harry's disappointed face. First he assumed it might be Harry leaving the house for school that bothered him, Harry seemed to believe that as well since he always looked guiltily at his godfather, However, that wouldn't explain him avoiding Harry and wasting the little time they had together before Harry's return to Hogwarts. So, Remus decided that Sirius' mood was only because of usual reasons such as locking inside the house and quitting drugs but even then, Remus was still unconvinced.

Sirius wasn't the only one avoiding Remus over the days, Tonks as well seemed to hide herself from Remus, she barely greeted him when she arrived and she visited the headquarter less and less. Tonks probably figured out, like Remus said, that her feelings were only coming from alcohol and that Remus was the worst choice for her. Remus didn't want her to feel embarrassed and he would have confronted her and told her that if he hadn't been so bothered with Sirius' behaviour. Remus thought it is the best if he left Sirius be for a while, he just made sure that he wasn't neat any drugs, he searched Sirius' room when he was with Buckbeak, and although he felt shamed, he was happy to find no drugs. Sirius' empty potion meant that he was continuing the process.

"Hey"

Remus was so busy with his thoughts; he didn't hear anyone coming inside the living room

"Harry! What a pleasant surprise" he smiled "how are you?"

"good" the boy smiled "I'm having a break from all the cleaning"

"don't tell Molly that but I've been avoiding it a lot"

"have you seen Sirius?"

"probably in his mother's room, why?"

"nothing... I was hoping I would see him here. He's been avoiding everyone ever since he heard the news about me-"

"I assure you that he's as happy as everyone else to know you'd be back to Hogwarts, where you love to be. Now maybe a little less because he won't see you till Christmas... but he's happy that you're happy. His current mood is only due to- well you must know- he's going through a lot and we haven't made his life exactly like a paradise- and with "we" I mean the order, not you, you're all the happiness he has" Remus sighed "After everything that happened to him he doesn't deserve this-" Remus looked around the nasty room

"Everyone believes he's-" Harry couldn't bring himself to say the words "that he's a bit-"

"Harry-"

"it's not only Ron's mom. I feel like everyone agrees on it... even Hermione-"

"Harry-"

"you don't, do you?"

"no" Remus smiled "I don't"

Harry looked relieved "but how is it going to help Sirius when everyone near him believes he's touched in the head?"

"it's enough for him to know that people who he actually cares about don't"

Harry smiled

"Besides," said Remus "not everyone believes that. They simply expect it from a man that has spent 12 years in Azkaban to be insane, they don't know that Sirius is not just an ordinary man"

"Does he talk about it?" Harry asked "does he share anything about those 12 years?"

"no, he doesn't. it's maybe better that way, to think about it less and less" Remus said sadly "even if he would, what is there to share? 12 years is a very long time to spend each day the same"