supersonic | liam gallagher / damon albarn

thirteen

"Morning you." Ryan said as I came downstairs that morning.

It was the first time in a while Ryan had free time, and the first time in a while that his free time didn't involve his friends living at our house 24/7.

"And how're you today, Ry?"

I sat myself down at the breakfast bar, grabbing the mug of coffee my brother had poured for me as I walked into the kitchen. I pulled my dressing gown tighter around me, rubbing my eyes, still trying to wake myself up.

"Good because I can spend time with my little sister," he said with a smile, taking a seat next to me, "And get to know what's going on in her life without the boys telling me what they've read in weekly editions of OK Magazine."

I knew this would come eventually. I was beginning to spend more and more weekends down in London with Damon, leaving straight after work on a Friday evening and coming home late on Sunday's. I hadn't yet invited Damon up to Manchester, simply because of Ryan.

Rolling my eyes, I let out a deep sigh. I was going to have to open up to my brother eventually. We used to be really close, especially before Liam and I were together. Once it was apparent Ryan didn't approve of our relationship, we drifted apart, and despite everything, the gap hadn't closed much since.

"Well," I began, "What do you want to know?"

Tucking into his bowl of cereal, Ryan paused before speaking.

"This Damon lad, is he your fella or what? David says he's in a band, not that I'd have a clue."

The latter was true, Ryan wasn't up to date with any kind of pop culture, and that showed in a lot of things, including his fashion sense some days.

I decided it was time to be honest with him.

"Damon isn't my boyfriend, but he's not just my friend either."

"Why not? Do you like the kid? Still like Liam?"

"No." I replied sharply, shutting him down as soon as he mentioned Liam.

Ryan just looked at me, a puzzled expression on his face as he munched on his breakfast.

"Then what?" He said, wiping away milk from his face with the back of his sleeve.

Pursing my lips, wondering just how honest I should be. Did he need to know absolutely everything? All my problems, my trust issues? Probably not, but he was my brother.

"I find it hard opening up, and you kind of have to do that when you're in a relationship - or seeing somebody, anyway."

Gesturing for me to continue, Ryan looked at me, concerned.

"Liam was cheating on me the whole time we were together. On and off, I don't know exactly who or when, but it was happening, more often than not. And Damon, he's...he's not like that. I know he's not. But I'm constantly convincing myself that I don't like him as much as I think I do, and that I don't need a relationship, or anything at all. Maybe I don't, I don't know, Ryan."

My brother was rarely lost for words. In fact, most of the time he was too outspoken for his own good, ending up in trouble because he couldn't stop running his mouth. He'd been like that since we were kids. And yet, for the first time in 23 years, Ryan was speechless.

"Why...why didn't you tell me, Brit?"

I just shrugged. Ryan's eyes were watery and I couldn't quite work out whether he was upset or angry.

"I didn't need to. I made my bed when I chose to keep giving him chances so I had to lie in it. It's just shit that now a nice guy has to be the one to deal with the effects of some dickhead's behaviour."