supersonic | liam gallagher / damon albarn

nineteen

I stood on the doorstep to the apartment building, rain hammering down and my clothes getting heavier by the second. The sky was dark and the streetlights had just turned on, a warm light shining through from inside house windows, contrasting the dull outside.

"Britney,"

The door swung open and Damon was stood there, looking rather confused. His mouth was open, as though to speak, though I could tell he didn't have the slightest clue of what to say.

He stepped aside, gesturing for me to come inside. Neither of us spoke as I sat on his sofa waiting while he made me a cup of tea. Looking around the room, I began to wonder why I was even here. Truthfully, I didn't know what I was going to say to Damon.

"Here," He said, handing me the mug and sitting down beside me, his body turned to face me, "I wanted to wait for you, at the hospital. But your brother turned up and told me to go home, I didn't want to cause anymore trouble so..."

His voice trailed off and I noticed how tense he was, his body was stiff and he kept moving his hands, not knowing what to do with himself.

"It's okay," I said quietly, sipping my tea.

We sat in silence for a little longer. I noticed that Damon's apartment was a lot tidier than it was the other day, before the awards. There were no dishes stacked up on the counter and no washing piled up on the floor. All his records were neatly packed away and empty beer bottles were no longer dotted around the room.

"You tidied."

"Had to take my mind off it somehow," he shrugged, smiling weakly at me.

He was dressed in a pair of lounge shorts and an old Chelsea shirt, his hair looked damp from a shower but his face looked tired, his eyes heavy.

"How are you feeling? The doctors, did they say anything?"

I shook my head, "I'm fine. They said it was a mix of drugs, alcohol and nausea."

Damon looked at me blankly and I watched him swallow repeatedly, his eyes glazed over with what I hoped was regret.

"Am I a fool for being here, Damon?"

Furrowing his brows, he shook his head quickly, "No, no not at all."

He reached out his hand to touch me but quickly retracted it when my eyes caught sight of what he was doing. He just looked down at his feet.

"Because I feel like the biggest fool in the whole world right now."

He let out a sigh, his eyes looking up and meeting my own. I so desperately wanted to kiss him. I admired the way his hair fell across his face and the scattering of freckles across his nose. I loved it when he smiled and hearing his laugh, I loved the way I felt when I had his arms around me and the way he looked at me like I was all he wanted.

Only, that last part clearly wasn't true.

"Britney I'm so sorry. I can't even put it into words just how sorry I am. I fucked up, I know."

"Yeah," I said, letting out a breath, "You did fuck up. It's taken so long for us to get to a point where I feel like I can be open with you. For me to feel like I trust you and I'm comfortable enough to not be afraid of being in a relationship and not living with the constant awful doubts in the back of my head. But you,"

I paused, looking at Damon. His eyes were locked on mine and he looked frozen, his face washed with guilt.

"You took that, and threw it onto the fire, Damon."

I'd never seen Damon cry before, and after that day, I never wanted to ever again. He held his head in his hands and quietly sobbed, desperately trying to stop himself and catch his breath. He hated being vulnerable and looking what he thought was weak, and in that moment he knew that there was no longer any guard up around his emotions. He was breaking down right in front of me.

"It hurts me to know that I've done that to you. It kills me knowing how I've made you feel and it makes me sick to the stomach knowing that there's nothing that I can say or do to make it any better."

He was right, he couldn't make it better. Unless he found a way to go back in time and not kiss his ex-girlfriend, he could never make it better.

"Why did you do it?"

Damon's head snapped up from his hands, his eyes red and his cheeks stained with tears.

"I don't know," he said, "and I know that's the worst answer I can give you, but it's the truth. She, she was talking to me and she was drunk and she got closer and-"

"Are you over her?"

"Of course I'm over her, obviously I'm over her."

"Obviously?"

It didn't seem obvious to me, and Damon realised the flaw in how he'd phrased it when he squeezed his eyes shut, knowing he'd messed up again.

"Britney I'm sorry. I let you down, I know that. I should've done better, I shouldn't have even been speaking to her, it was a stupid mistake. I want you, that's all I want."

I didn't believe him, I couldn't. Kissing a random woman was bad enough, but kissing an ex hurts that little bit more. All I could think about was if Damon really was over her. Did he think about her when he was with me? Was I a distraction, a rebound from their breakup? Was I just someone that would fill a void for him until they got back together?

"Did you mean what you said?"

Damon just nodded, knowing that I would struggle to believe him. He knew he was losing this battle, and he wasn't sure where to go from here.

"Yes," he whispered, "I meant it."

He smiled as he looked at me, a small smile. His eyes seemed to be taking in every inch of my body and his breathing slowed, his eyes clearing.

"I've fallen in love with you, Britney. I've been in love with you for longer than you even realise. I want to tell you constantly that I love you, but I didn't know when was the right time to say it."

"I want to say it to you when we're in the pub, drinking pints and chatting about rubbish. When we're in the back of a taxi and you grab my hand, when you're cooking and you shout at me for getting in the way. When I'm on top of you in bed, looking down at that beautiful face thinking how lucky I am, I want to tell you. I want to tell you at every chance I can get."

I wanted to believe Damon, I so desperately did. And if he had said all this to me two days earlier, I would've believed him without giving it a second thought. Damon had spent the last however many months trying to make me feel like I could love him, and once he'd managed to do that, he threw it all away.

He looked at me with those ocean blue eyes, telling me still how sorry he was and desperately trying to show me that he was in love with me.

"Please believe me, Brit. I'd do anything to make this work, to show you how much you mean to me."

I sighed, feeling like I should cry, though I had run out of emotions for any tears to fall.

"The problem isn't believing you, Damon, it's trusting you. And now, because of what you've done, I can't do that."

##

an; right I'm the one writing this story and I STILL cannot decide whether i like Brit more with Liam or Damon????? Does anyone actually have a preference??? Or is everyone torn like me :))((  pls let me know!!

thank u for reading, the support means the world xxx