When I finally opened my eyes, the first thing I did was close them again as the bright yellow glare of a light shone directly into them, making me wince and groan, squeezing them tightly shut.
The second time I opened them, was because I heard a laugh from beside me.
"Never liked waking up much, did you?"
Chuckling slightly, I let my eyes adjust to my surroundings as I turned my head slowly to the left, seeing Ryan sat there next to me.
There was daylight streaming through the cracks in the blinds over the windows, only I wasn't sure which day exactly it was. The room had white washed walls with blue accents on the furniture. The scent of cleaning products and medicine was almost overpowering, I despised hospitals.
"What are you doing here?" I mumbled, a small smile flashing across my face.
Ryan just laughed, shaking his head, "I got a call from Noel last night - well, this morning. He told me what had happened and I jumped in my car and came straight here, figured you'd want to see someone's face you didn't want to punch. Well, want to punch less than certain other people's anyway."
Propping myself up on my elbows, I shifted my weight to sit up properly, out stretching my arms to my brother, him not hesitating to give me a huge hug.
Seeing Ryan sat there beside me in the hospital room made me feel exactly how he wanted me to feel. Safe, and for a moment, happy. He reminded me that not everything in my life was a mess. I admired my brother for always being able to keep a level head about things. He rarely got angry and I couldn't think of a time he'd ever overreacted about anything. I wanted to be more like him, calm and rational.
But instead, I was a mess.
"Talk to me, Brit. Tell me how you're feeling."
Ryan was the only person I could talk to. Although I struggled to even understand how I was feeling myself, I knew I needed to at least try and process some of how I felt.
"I'm angry, confused, upset. My heart feels like it's been smashed with a sledgehammer. I feel like I've been betrayed. I'm annoyed at myself for letting my guard down and now, I feel like I'll never be able to trust anybody again with anything. I just feel like..." I sniffed, hugging myself and trying to hold down the lump in my throat, "Like I'm all by myself."
Ryan sighed loudly, a sad smile on his face. He placed his hand on top of my own, squeezing it tightly.
"No matter what men come and go in your life, you'll always have your big brother. You're never on your own, Britney."
"Thank you," I whispered, "I love you Ry."
Laughing, Ryan stood up and pulled me into another hug, rubbing my back and kissing my head over and over again.
"Let's not get all soppy now yeah, Giggs' are meant to be hard as fuck."
"Clearly I'm not doing a very good job at being a Giggs."
Ryan let go of me, holding me by my shoulders at arms length and looking me dead in the eyes.
"Brit, you are the strongest person I know. And I mean that. I remember when you came home from infant school in tears because the boy you liked sent another girl a Valentine's card. And when you were 15, you caught your boyfriend round the back of the bike sheds at school with someone else. And when you were 18, and your boyfriend ended things because he was going off to uni somewhere else and didn't want the long distance thing. You got through all of that, and I have no doubt that you will get through this, as well as anything else life throws at you."
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supersonic | liam gallagher / damon albarn
Fanfiction"You can do drugs with him, you can do drugs with me. But the difference is, can you still feel high as a kite around him when you've not touched a gram of the stuff like you can with me?"
