Keys to the Kingdom

Illumi's here

Your POV
He left so fast I was still trying to process what made him so upset. Then, I decided it wasn't my job to interpret his every emotion, especially when he clearly didn't want to talk to me. He was so fickle and it got really got to me sometimes. I went through my the pockets of my clothes and I retrieved my phone. It looked like I had been out for a whole day. My eyebrows shot up as I realized I was late morning. I just assumed the light streaming in through the curtains was an afternoon light, but I was wrong. It I went back to the bathroom and I noticed Hisoka had neatly folded a stack of fresh clothes and underwear for me on top of the toilet. There were two Tylenol pills in the stack of clothes. I grimaced, wondering how I didn't see that earlier. Maybe it was wrong of me to call him selfish when all he seemed to do was care for me. But still, just because he cared for me didn't negate the fact that he was, in general a selfish person. His whole driving force in life was to find strong people to fight so he could fulfill his masochistic desires. I mean, he didn't really have any morals either. When didn't something didn't concern me he used the  "does this please/benefit me or does it not please/benefit me?" method to decide what to do. He was more of a chaotic neutral than anything. But? When it came to me he was still himself but much kinder, gentler, and caring. maybe that's why he got offended. I wished i could just go back to sleep and wake up and the last few hours were just a bad dream. When Hisoka when he was happy or content, he was an absolute joy to be around and I never had felt so carefree, special, and loved in anyone else's presence. But, on the other side of the coin, he kept secrets like it was a hobby and ran off sometimes without telling me where he was going or why and he made it his job to be cryptic and difficult about his feelings. so, had the potential to make me the happiest I've ever been in my life, but he also had the potential to make me utterly miserable, like I was right now. Usually, it was about 80% of the time was great, but the other 20% was a toss up. In our childhood he was a piece of work too, but once I turned 17 and we started developing romantic feelings for one another he got worse at managing his feelings and his already erratic and self-centered behavior became worse as well. I shook my head pursed my lips at remembering his hurtful behavior just now. He always found a way to make up for it, or bring me back to forgiving him, but I hated him for it sometimes. He was many things, but stable was not one of them, unfortunately for me. It's like he actively tried to be messy just to keep our relationship unpredictable. I sighed.

I used the restroom and cleaned myself up. I took the Tylenol and put the clothes Hisoka had set out for me on. It was a green crop top with a diamond and a heart over each breast, coupled with silky tight black pants that flared out at the bottom. There were even some comfortable red sandals to put on. I frowned as I looked at myself in the mirror. Everything I was wearing reminded me of him. I hated how I made Hisoka upset and I tried to call him. He didn't pick up and I knew he might be MIA for a while. It was his M.O. to disappear without warning. "Well that's a selfish thing to do." I mumbled out loud while crossing my arms. I looked down and found myself wanting to cry at the whole fucking situation. I willed myself to pull it together and I looked at my phone to check the time. I grimaced at the texts Illumi, Elaine and Kei had all sent me.

Illumi had tried to call me an obscene amount of times and I wanted to call him back to thank him as soon as I could. But, I reminded myself that Hisoka wouldn't like that. I shrugged and decided if Hisoka was going to be a bitch he didn't get to have a say in anything right now. First I text Elaine to tell update her on my ok condition. I left out the part about the ahem, homemade tattoo- that's something I'd have to tell her in person- because god knows I needed someone to talk to right now an unload my baggage onto. I sniffed and opened the curtains and looked outside. I took a picture of my surroundings and sent it to her so she had an idea of where I was. I was in Angeles Los, but I had no idea what region.I nodded in satisfaction and called Illumi. He picked up on the first ring. "Hello, Illumi?" I asked tentatively. He replied calmly, yet eagerly, "y/n it's so good to hear your voice, how are you?" I exhaled and put him on speakerphone. I threw my phone on the bed and jumped into bed next to it. I sighed again and said, "I'm ok Illumi, I just wanted to thank you big time. I think you're a real pain in the ass, but when I call, you answer and I don't know you to express my gratitude to you. I just need you to know that- that well" I coughed not wanting to say it but I felt obligated to, "that well, uh, without you I would've been in real trouble so uh, I'm very grateful that you helped me when I needed it, that you supported me in a time of need." I paused remembering his calm, strict, and precise guidance. His complements spurred me on and motivated me to do better. I coughed awkwardly and I continued, "you did a really good job, Illumi, at helping me. I was really freaking out, and I've never conjured like that before and I uhhhhhhhhh, I appreciate your help guidance." There was silence on the other line. "Illumi?" I questioned. He sniffed and said in a low tone, "y/n I'm here for you whenever you need me, no matter what. I'd never neglect or abandon you without warning." I winced and I knew that was a direct jab at Hisoka. It stung because that's what Hisoka did on a regular basis and it hurt all the more after he had hurt me earlier, even if it was inadvertently. As I recalled the past hours I my stomach dropped as my tears resurfaced and begun to pool in my eyes. I said one thing and he left and made it seem like it was my fault, that I hurt him and he didn't want to tell me why. He just left me to wallow in uncertainty and anxiety. I was used to him popping in and out when we were kids but when we were married it was different, it hurt more, this time it felt more personal. I choked back a sob and I willed myself to woman up. I was not going to have a breakdown while talking to Illumi. I'm a strained voice I said, "*cough* Illumi, I'm just going to have to call you back." I cringed as my voice cracked on the word 'back' and Illumi whispered into the phone, "my y/n what's the matter? Please tell me, I'm here for you, always." I dropped my head and I breathed to steady my tone, and I tried to say as happily as I could manage, "no Illumi, it's ok, really, im ok. I'm hanging up now,ok?" I reached for my phone and in the most menacing tone I've heard him use he seethed, "y/n don't you dare hang up this phone call." He whispered, "do not leave me when you are in pain." Tears welled in my eyes and I pressed my hands to my mouth, silencing my sobs. In a gentler, quieter tone he said, "let it out, please, I want to soothe you, I want to help you, I want to share your burden I want to know. I want you to tell me, Please." And that was it. I started sobbing and crying out in pain. Emotional pain, the pain of my whole body aching from being fucked senseless by a Hisoka, pain at being branded in my sleep, pain at Hisoka not communicating his feelings but instead running away to do god knows what with god knows who. I cried and cried and through my tears I told unloaded it all on Illumi. How i had woken up bloody and scared and discombobulated. How it hurt so much to Hisoka, and how my heart and my body was aching because of him. I told him about how I now has scars on me, because of Hisoka, his markings. I kept crying and continued, "I mean I wanted them, b-b-but not like this, not like this, not like this, never like that, never like this." My lips trembled and Illumi interjected and said softly, "open the door, y/n, I'm here."