SUMMER BREAK | sakuatsu

fifty two

atsumu: kenma
atsumu: this whole time did you know about what sakusa and akaashi said about me?
atsumu: is that why you were being kind to me?
atsumu: was your kindness all an act too?

kenma: sorry what

atsumu: could you maybe, i dont know, fucking answer me?

kenma: i dont know what youre talking about
kenma: i wasnt acting about anything
kenma: you dont have to be rude about it though

atsumu: so you dont know what they said?

kenma: no

atsumu: you like me right? we are friends. like real friends??

kenma: yes.. why are you asking what's obvious

atsumu: because i have fucking trust issues kenma
atsumu: the people who i really like
atsumu: or you could say liked.. idk.. hate me. they lie to me. how do i know no one else feels the same way they do?

kenma: i dont feel the same way. i genuinely like you
kenma: could you maybe tell me what akaashi and sakusa done

atsumu: to make it short akaashi and sakusa are two faced as fuck
atsumu: for one, i dont know what ive ever done to akaashi to make him hate me so much? i didnt even expect him to be so bitchy
atsumu: no wonder why he kept talking to oikawa. they are both the same person the only difference is oikawa is open about how fucking rude he is and doesnt put up a face

kenma: and sakusa?

atsumu: I WANT TO KILL HIM

kenma: oh

atsumu: i fucking fell for someone who hates me :( gosh im pathetic
atsumu: i fell for someone who played with my feelings and even went as far as lying in order to avoid me for 2 weeks
atsumu: and i thought we were doing so well too
atsumu: that bitch 😒

kenma: have you got screenshots of their convo?

atsumu: no :( oikawa showed them to me from his phone
atsumu: i dont know how he got them but thats not important right now

kenma: atsumu you sound angry

atsumu: maybe because i am?? wouldnt anyone be angry?

kenma: yeah but.. sometimes there are better ways to get rid of unwanted feelings
kenma: better ways than being angry

atsumu: if youre suggesting i sleep to feel better i have no objections

kenma: no im not suggesting sleep
kenma: im suggest for you to not hiding your feelings
kenma: plus you know its okay to cry right or admit youre sad

atsumu: im not going to cry over someone who doesnt care about me

kenma: im a good listener.. maybe its because i dont talk or text much.

atsumu: what does that have to do with anything

kenma: just tell me how you feel. i wont say anything unless u ask me to. ill be like your personal diary if you want to say that? just tell me how you really feel and stop acting tough for five minutes. that includes no swearing

atsumu: ...

kenma: trust me
kenma: its what kuroo done to me to make me open up to him
kenma: maybe it will work with you too

atsumu: okay
atsumu: i fucking hate sakusa

kenma: you swore

atsumu: my bad
atsumu: okay..
atsumu: well im very upset. i dont have anyone besides you to talk to because i dont know who i can trust. i have my brother of course but i feel like he would make fun of me for being upset. i just feel so bad you know?
atsumu: ..
atsumu: fuck it
atsumu: let me be honest here
atsumu: i do want to cry. i want to break down so badly. preferably in omikuns arms :( but he doesn't like me back so scratch that.
atsumu: yes im sad because of what akaashi and sakusa and oikawa done to me but also because of everything else. im so fucking sick of life. i do everything i can to try make people happy but i come off as annoying or i make people uncomfortable instead. i dont know what i keep doing wrong.
atsumu: im starting to hate myself. why are so many people against me? i understand i can be much at times but to hate me, avoid me and talk badly behind my back especially after promising you wouldnt.. its like im a joke and no one takes me seriously.
atsumu: at the same time i blame myself. you were right when you said i put up an act. im not as strong as i make myself out to be. im not as happy as i want to be. its my fault for never opening up to anyone in first place. because of that ive been too scared to talk to anyone about my problems and ive just been drowning in self pity.
atsumu: also can i add how annoying it is to see my brother live a better life? i always get told i have to be like him and act like him or whatever, ive always been jealous of him. plus my brother has a boyfriend who loves him and never leaves him alone while i just have a crush who hates me.
atsumu: kenma?

kenma: do you feel better now youve let it out?
kenma: sorry im not too good at consulting people.

atsumu: its okay
atsumu: idk how i feel

kenma: is there anything i can do to help?

atsumu: message akaashi for me
atsumu: im going to message sakusa
atsumu: also please dont go easy on akaashi. if anything he was 10x meaner than sakusa was
atsumu: i wouldnt even be surprised if akaashi used me as a sacrifice at this point 😒😒

kenma: i was already planning to and i wasnt going to go easy on him
kenma: bye atsumu

atsumu: bye and sorry for being mean
atsumu: talking to you was kinda free therapy