Leap of Faith

23:42

So far, what I’ve gathered of Theo, he is a good six feet tall, has broad, hulking shoulders and is built solidly like a brick building. I’ve conjured up this picture of him in my mind- tall, dark and handsome- and with one phrase, that image is destroyed. I’m back to square one and now I have no idea who I am dealing with.

“When did this ‘serious affliction’ first manifest itself?” When I’m trying to be serious I start to use big words, and this is definitely a ‘manifests’ type of situation.

“Well, Dr. Catherine,” Theo joins in with my mocking, taking a seat opposite me with his legs stretched out alongside mine. I feel his foot tapping against my hip, confirmation that he is indeed ridiculously tall. “I guess it started when I was three years old and I was at a family party. My aunt and uncle thought it would be a great idea to hire a clown to keep the kids quiet. Half way through the show, this clown got me to join him in front of everyone and started to mess around with those flower water-squirting things.”

Theo stops and a shiver ripples through his body, from his head all the way down to his toes, which knock against me at the memory of that day.

“It was all going fine and I was enjoying all the fuss and attention,” he laughs bitterly. “But then it kind of went wrong. The clown squirted the water into his own face, and while everyone was laughing all I could think about was how his face was melting. His clown make-up was running down his cheeks and to his neck, and it looked like melted wax. It was terrifying. At the time, anyway, now it just sounds stupid.”

I think back to a movie Georgie once made me watch with her. There was a scary clown in that movie too, and people were terrified of it. I watched it through my fingers and tried not to run out of the room whenever the darn clown was on the screen. I had nightmares for weeks after, but I knew that it was only a movie. I guess if I were three years old and I saw a clown’s face melt, I would be frightened too.

“It’s not stupid,” I reassure him. “But it is conjuring up some memories of a horror movie I’d rather forget, so let’s move on. How would you describe yourself in one word, and why?”

“Oh, good question, Catherine,” Theo claps his hands together but the only thing I register is the tone of his voice as he says my name. Amazing. “Right, let me think. This may take a while. You go first and don’t say ‘complicated’ or ‘confused’.”

“Introverted,” I finally choose after running though my metal list of adjectives. Lost, inept and conflicted came close behind, but I think this word encompassed everything about me. “I don’t put myself out there and I can be really awkward. I’m quiet and I hate confrontation. If the attention is on me, I get all nervous and that only makes things worse. I’d rather be invisible than have everyone stare at me.”

“And you said you didn’t know what you were,” Theo teases me in almost a sing-song way. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re awkward. Plus, you’re totally putting yourself out there right now, and you hardly know me.”

Theo sighs, his hand retaking mine. “And I’d really rather you weren’t invisible. If you were, we would never have met and I love it that we met, Catherine.”