fragile ; oikawa tooru

⎯ 14 ⎯

chikasue ikari,

i smeared my hand across my face, hoping to wipe my distracting thoughts while it felt as if my textbook was being dragged further away from me. i filled the silence with a long sigh as my hand fell onto the book in defeat, taking a moment to observe the red tint trailing along my knuckles: not in any means a severe injury but concerning nonetheless.

oikawa wasn't a violent person, i know i can say that for sure so when i received a blow to my right hand last night, i was a little confused. because it was only one bash, i came to the conclusion that he wasn't in any sort of fight but instead the action was an outburst.

i closed my eyes and buried my head in my hands.

if i keep thinking about this kind of thing i'm never going to get any studying done.'

i was hoping the still and calming school library would help me clear my thoughts. there wasn't actually any reason to study now, exams were months away but lately... you could say i've been avoiding oikawa.

in the days following valentines, it felt as if i were smothered with unidentifiable feelings, the same ones that were much more minor until recently. to try and avoid them completely, i thought that distancing myself from him for now would be effective enough to give myself some fresh air. i told myself it was to 'figure out my feelings' but i don't know what there was for me to figure out this time around, i just wanted them to go away, however, they didn't.

but right now, sitting in a nearly empty library staring at my knuckles marked with red, i couldn't help thinking about him and even feeling a little worried.

it hadn't occurred to me that maybe my decision had been selfish until now.

"... i can't rely on her every second... she's not my babysitter..."

this isn't me trying to take care of him, this is me checking on him as a worried friend.'

i breathed in the smell of books once more before i left the library with an untouched textbook, leaving behind any reluctance i had.

i found my coat and gloves, covering evidence of the imprinted injury with the fabric and made my way to the boys volleyball gym, seeing as it was already early evening.

i opened the gymnasium doors, allowing snow to reach the enterance.

i looked around but couldn't find oikawa anywhere on the court. looking distressed at the doorway caught the attention of iwaizumi, who approached me with a mirroring expression.

"chikasue-san? are you alright?"

the sudden change of temperature caused my cheeks to heat up. "ah, sorry for interrupting. is oikawa here?" i asked.

iwaizumi-san furrowed his brows and shook his head, concern remaining on his features. "he told me he had plans today, i didn't believe him but i wasn't given permission to skip practice without an actual reason so i was going to visit him afterwards."

plans?'

i thanked iwaizumi and rushed out of the school, battling the snow.

it's not like him to miss practice...'

i began searching for the boy, completely ignoring the flurry telling me to do otherwise