Somewhere Else

Chapter 5: Versus (iv)

The air in the apartment feels heavy even after the night has passed and the morning dawns. Over the past months, we've fallen into a morning routine of sorts. Aksel makes us both breakfast, then I do the washing up after he leaves for work. He's in the kitchen with his customary mug of coffee when I walk in after breakfast. I know he can hear me come in, but, for once, he keeps his back to the doorway as he downs the rest of his coffee.

I hesitate behind him.

"I think I'm going to register for an intensive Finnish course."

Slowly, Aksel turns around to look at me.

I'm clutching my bowl and mug tightly, gabbling while staring hard at my white fingertips. "I need to start learning Finnish properly. It'll probably help if I have a structured environment to study in. I think the university offers intensive classes for everyone who wants to take them. I could go there or something."

"I'll go with you," he says, watching me carefully. "After work. I'll pick you up. We'll go together."

"You don't need to," I say, the words tripping over each other on my tongue as I rush to put him off. "It's not that far away. I can walk there on my own."

"We'll walk there together, then."

"It'll be closed by the time you get off work."

"I'll leave earlier today. Make up for it tomorrow. My boss is flexible about these things."

He has an answer for everything.

I open my mouth, then close it without saying anything. Aksel is looking at me knowingly, as if my silence has validated his hypothesis. I finally choke out, "Today? But I..."

It was just an idea. I'm not ready yet.

"Today," he says. He's leaning against the kitchen counter, still watching me. His empty mug lies on the counter, an arm's reach away from his elbow.

"You'll be late for work if you don't get going now," I say, moving past him to head for the sink.

His fingers close around my wrist. I turn back around, taking my time. Almost reluctant to look at him. "Today," he repeats.

I don't know why he's so persistent. Or maybe I do. It's his way of doing something for me. It's his way of trying to help.

I purse up my lips. "Okay," I dredge out. "Today."

My agreement satisfies him. "See you later." He bends to kiss me goodbye.

I stand stiffly as his lips brush against mine, unhappy with the way he has manipulated me into agreeing. Everything is moving too quickly. I need more time to mentally prepare myself, before I register for the class.

When I don't reciprocate, Aksel pulls away a little to look at me. He doesn't say anything, but, looking into his probing blue eyes, I feel bad. With a sigh of resignation, I loop an arm loosely around his neck and reach up to give him a quick peck.

I feel him smile against my lips.

When I step away, he cups my cheek with a warm hand to keep me from moving too far. He bends down so that he is looking straight into my face at eye-level. "I'll be back by four." There is an unasked question reflected in his eyes.

I jerk my head, once. "Okay."

He smiles again, before his hand falls away and he is gone.

I spend the rest of the day thinking of reasons to back out. By four, I've come up with a few: I haven't done any research on the language schools nearby yet – I need more time to figure out the best courses available. I need to work out a budget to figure out what I can afford. Maybe instead of an intensive course, an extensive one would be better...