Somewhere Else

Chapter 6: Drifting (iii)

"Pop quiz!" Elina announces cheerfully, as she walks into the class on Monday. She shakes the stack of loose papers she has in one hand. She is saying something else now, but I am no longer listening. Something inside me has gone cold.

A quiz.

But I haven't studied for it. I haven't studied any Finnish all weekend. And I've forgotten everything we were supposed to have learnt over the past week.

The only thing I remember, with any certainty, is the word lohikeitto. And the smile on Aksel's face when I got the pronunciation right.

But that's not going to help me in the quiz, is it?

I stare down at my tabletop as Elina hands out the quiz. When she gets to me, she smiles and says something in Finnish.

I stare at her.

She stops to repeat it, slower this time. I can understand her, even if she thinks I can't. Don't worry, she's saying. Do your best.

Then she asks, "Do you understand?"

"Ja," I mumble. And then I grimace and correct myself, "Joo. Kyllä."

With another smile, she moves on down the row. I can feel everyone else's eyes on me. Pressing my lips together, I bend over my quiz so that I won't have to look at anyone.

Why did she say that to me, and to no one else? Does she already think that I'm going to flunk?

"Okay," Elina is saying, clapping her hands together. She rattles on, but my mind is in too much of a whirl to focus on what she is saying. Finally, she stops talking and heads back to the teacher's desk at the front of the room. I look around, and see that everyone is busy scribbling away.

Oh. It's started, then.

I hunch over my paper, reading the questions. I can understand the first two. I don't understand half of the third one – I don't remember what the grammatical cases of the words mean. I flip the first page over. There's a reading comprehension on the second page. I try reading a bit of it, but the words begin to blur together.

Fuck. I can't do this quiz.

This has never happened to me. I'm a good student. I always have been. Not in terms of attitude, or hard work, but I've always gotten one's and two's, back in Germany. I've never needed to study all that much to do well on tests and exams. But now...

My right hand is trembling. Slowly, I bring the pen down to the paper, and write.

Emilie Hoffmann.

Okay. That's one blank filled in, anyway. Never mind that it won't get me any marks.

My gaze shifts downwards. The first question. It's a conversation between an American named John and a Finn named Jukka.

Olen suomalainen, the Finn says. Oletko englantilainen?

I am Finnish. Are you English?

The blank is in John's reply. I can guess, from the few words provided, what the answer is meant to be: No, I am not English. I am from America.

But I don't know how to say it in Finnish.

In Finnish, you have to conjugate the word 'no'. I know it's different from the positive version, when you want to say you're not something. But I can't remember how to conjugate it.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

When I open them again, everything looks slightly blurrier. But I swallow and look back at the paper. Okay, forget the first blank. I know the second one – I am from America.