Somewhere Else

Chapter 9: Not Enough (i)

The festival is as crowded as I imagined it to be. Even so, it's easier to move through the throng of people in a large group. I'm starting to see the value of Aksel attending with his group of friends.

"Did anyone bring a mat?" Zuzi asks, turning back to yell the question at us, so she can be heard over the loud noises pressing down on us from all sides.

"I did," Frederik says. I happen to look over at him as he points at the backpack he's hoisting over his shoulder.

"Good," Zuzi says. "Let's find an empty spot."

"What empty spot?" Ludo grumbles.

Priscilla laughs at his surliness. "Oh, don't be a grouch. Come on!" She grabs me by the elbow and pulls me along, ahead of the others. "Let's find somewhere to sit."

We end up at a nice shaded spot a little far away from the stage where the main event is happening. It is a little on the fringes of the clusters of other festival-goers, but the others are apparently satisfied with the position. We all agree that we have a clear view of the stage from here, which is good enough in this crowd.

Both Frederik and Ludo have brought along drinks, so they busy themselves unpacking. Pretty soon, there is a sizeable number of brown glass bottles in the middle of the mat. These guys sure do think a lot, I find myself thinking. And, for a moment, I'm reminded of my first friends in Edinburgh. They had drunk a lot too – so had I, along with them. It's a surefire way to make friends. When you don't drink with people, you tend to get left out.

Zuzi – I finally remember her name now – has flopped down onto her back and is lying half on the mat, half outside of it. She flips her sunglasses back down to cover her eyes; I can see the clouds reflected in them. "Oh," she sighs, a smile curling her lips. "This is nice."

"It's great weather," Frederik agrees.

"Still cold," Ludo observes.

"This is warm for Finns, though," I say, and they all laugh.

"Oh, I know!" Priscilla says, "They have a really odd sense of what's hot. Do you remember when Elina opened the windows because she thought it was too warm in the classroom?"

"It was freezing!" Zuzi laughs.

I don't remember this. It must be from a time after I started skipping.

"I thought it was warm," Frederik says.

Zuzi makes a rude noise that sounds like it could be perfectly coupled with an eye roll. "Oh, you're just like them. You're from a Nordic country, too."

"We're totally different," Frederik objects, but he goes back to his beer.

"Finnish people are nice and all," Zuzi goes on, "But they're so hard to befriend!" She rolls her eyes. "I've been here for three months, and I haven't made a single Finnish friend yet."

Well... I haven't made any friends, Finnish or otherwise.

"Yeah," Ludo agrees. "They keep to themselves a lot. Once, my neighbour came out while I was waiting for the elevator. When he saw me standing there, he turned and walked back into his apartment!"

Everyone laughs, even me. Aksel does it too sometimes – not overtly, but he stands by the front door, hand on the handle, listening for sounds outside. If he hears footsteps, he usually ends up fiddling with his socks or shoelaces for a long moment or goes back into the kitchen for another cup of coffee before he leaves.

This reminder of Aksel sobers me a little.

Somewhere in this same park, he is here without me. I glance quickly at the screen of my phone. When I see that there's a message from him, my heart leaps. I swipe it open only to read, Nothing much.