Somewhere Else

Chapter 10: Anymore

A day after Aksel leaves for wherever-it-was with his friends, I find myself back at Helsinki Airport. I haven't visited the airport since we returned from Hamburg, and being here alone makes me realise – this is the first time I've been at the airport without Aksel.

I'm standing outside the arrival gates when I find myself wondering if this was how Aksel had felt back when he had been waiting for me to land for the first time. Had he been excited? Had he been anxious yet hopeful for the future? Or had he had an inexplicable bad feeling crawling up his gut, a foreshadowing of everything that would come to be?

I clamp a hand over my mouth, cutting off the escape route of an errant sob is in danger of sneaking out.

I don't know how long I stand there, futilely blinking away the crowding tears. I only know that I'm so busy with seeming okay that I don't even notice Gabi and Tessa until I'm enveloped in a giant group hug.

"What's wrong?" Tessa demands, pulling away to look me full in the face. "Why are you crying, Emi?"

Gabi shushes her, but I duck my head, certain that everyone has heard Tessa's exclamation. Curious heads swivel round and, even if they didn't understand the language, they can see my body language plainly under the fluorescent lights.

"I'm not," I say weakly, even as I brush the tears away with the back of my hand.

"Let's find someplace to sit down," Gabi, ever the practical one, says. "Then we can talk."

"It's okay," I say, trying to reach for their bags so I can fulfill my duties as hostess. "Come on, we can get to the apartment–"

Tessa plants her hands on her hips. "Stop, Emi. We're not going anywhere until you're okay."

I bite my lip. Gabi takes this chance to steer me forward, one hand on my shoulder, one hand dragging her carry-on luggage behind her. I catch her casting Tessa a look.

"Look," Gabi tells me softly, "We need something to eat, anyway. The food on the plane wasn't that good."

I swipe at my eyes. "Okay, but at least let me help you with your bags." I turn and reach again for the suitcase, but Tessa slaps my hand away.

"Just walk, Emi. Take us to a nice shop with muffins or something."

We end up somewhere inside the airport that doesn't sell muffins, but has a good variety of bread and coffee that appeal to both Gabi and Tessa. They both order a coffee and no bread at all, which prompts me to ask, tongue-in-cheek, "I thought you were hungry?"

Tessa widens her eyes and shrugs. Gabi lifts her mug and takes a slow sip of her coffee. Then she sticks out her tongue and puts down the mug. "That was hot," she mutters.

Glaring at the both of them, I pick up my croissant and bite into it.

Across the table, I see Tessa and Gabi exchange glances.

"If you have something to say, just say it," I mumble around my mouthful of flaky pastry.

"Ew, Emi," Tessa flicks a crumb off her hand, where it has landed. "Say it, don't spray it."

"Technically," I counter, "That's not what it's supposed to refer to."

"Same difference."

Gabi, as Gabi does, ignores our digression and goes straight to the point. "Emi," she begins, fixing me with a serious look. "Is there something wrong between you and Aksel?"

"I'm not sure," I say. "I think we broke up." I try to keep my voice steady, but it wobbles a little bit on the last two words. I have to stop chewing for a moment, because it feels as if my last swallow of the croissant has solidified in my throat.