Somewhere Else

Chapter 8: Turning Point (ii)

Aksel is gone by the time I get up on Saturday. He gets up very early these days – I suspect it has something to do with the crazy-early sunrise and our flimsy curtains. And maybe also the fact that he doesn't want to have to speak to me.

Either way, I rarely see him anymore when I get up at my usual time of eight. I've always had the ability to sleep through anything – even with the sun rays streaming in from as early as four in the morning.

Helsinki is a contradiction. One moment, it's pitch-black and freezing cold at three in the afternoon. And then, before you know it, it's almost summer and daylight hours get so long that you start to wonder if the sun ever does set.

I turn to look at the curtains. It looks bright outside. The weather is probably perfect.

I kick my legs out, feeling the smooth sheets rub against my skin. The duvet rises, then deflates a little, housing a pocket of air that doesn't quite subside.

Suddenly, I am hit by an irrational urge to pull up the covers and burrow deep beneath them. And maybe never surface again.

It would be so easy.

Getting out of bed every day with nothing to look forward to – that's the hardest thing of all.

Then I hear a bleep, a noise that sounds so out of place from the silence that it takes me a moment to place it. I sit up, pushing back the covers a little so that I can reach for my phone.

It's a message from Gabi in the group chat I have with her and Tessa. Four simple words: We're worried about you.

I stare at it, my thumb hovering over the button that leads back to the home screen. What do I reply to that?

Eventually, I type back a short, Why?

When no answer is immediately forthcoming, I drop the phone onto the side table and slowly sift through the folds of the duvet. I don't feel like getting up, but the sun is shining too brightly into the room. There's no way I can go back to sleep now.

The bleep again. I groan aloud and sit up.

Gabi and Tessa must have talked about me, because this time the message is from Tessa. Haven't heard from you in ages!!!

I smile despite myself. Tessa always has the habit of texting like a drunk person.

Sorry, I type back. I've been bad at replying messages lately.

That's not an excuse!!

This time, I laugh aloud. This is so Tessa.

I don't realise there are also tears until I taste the saltiness. And suddenly I'm bent over, face pressed into the duvet that's muffling my sobs. I miss them. Now that things are falling apart between me and Aksel, I miss them even more than before.

I need my friends.

I don't know how long I spend curled over like this, but eventually a noise rouses me from my pity party. I sit back up, my vision still wet, and hit the 'answer' button on my phone without thinking too much.

"Emi, if you stop replying again, I swear..."

Tessa voice is so loud that I can hear it even though the earpiece isn't anywhere in the vicinity of my ear. I find myself laughing. I reach over and hit the loudspeaker button.

"I was going to reply," I say.

"Emi." Gabi's gentler voice filters through the speaker on my phone. I didn't realise it was a three-way phone call. In a way, though, I'm glad both of them are here. Their differing personalities balance each other out. "Is everything okay?"