Somewhere Else

Chapter 7: Breakdown (iii)

I wish I hadn't found out. It's haunting me now – this thought of Lumi and Aksel being so much better suited for each other. How much more sense it would make for them to be together.

They're both Finnish. They both went to uni in the same place. They both ended up moving to the capital city after graduation. Their paths in life have intersected so much more. They have so much more in common with each other, more than I do with Aksel.

We don't talk much that week. It's easy, because Aksel also seems preoccupied. I get home later than he does on the weekdays, so we don't have dinner together anymore. By the time I get home, he's usually parked in front of the television, staring sullenly at it. I'm not sure if he's even aware of what is going on on-screen sometimes. But he doesn't say anything to me, and I don't say anything to him.

On Friday night, I am almost expecting him to go out on his own, to meet his friends for his weekly ritual with them. But he is home when I let myself in at a little past nine at night.

The TV is not on today. He is sitting on the sofa, and he is staring at me.

"Oh," I say. "I didn't know you'd be home." I take a particularly long while to drop my keys on the chest of drawers in the corner of the room, so that I don't have to look at him and face that stare.

"Where were you?"

I head into the kitchen to throw the plastic wrapping of the sandwich I had on my way home into the trash, and he follows me in. "The usual," I say, still not looking at him. "I went for class, then grabbed a sandwich on my way back. Why?"

Aksel pauses, as if weighing his next words. A prickle manifests itself near the back of my neck. What he's about to say next – I'm sure I don't want to hear it.

"You know what?" I say. "It's late; it's been a long day. Let's go to bed."

He grabs me by the wrists as I walk past. "Emilie."

"If you won't come with me, I'll go on my own. I'm tired." I jerk out of his hold, and turn to go.

I get to the doorway before I hear him say, "The uni called me today."

"What?" I have no idea what he is talking about.

"The university called me today. You haven't been to class the whole week, and they called to ask if you wanted to discuss options for replacement lessons."

I feel something dangerous bubbling up in my chest.

"Why the fuck would they call you? Are you my guardian, or what?" Am I a child, to be tattled on and reprimanded for truancy?

"They didn't have your number. They had my details from when we registered for the class." What he means is, when he registered on my behalf. When he paid for the course on my behalf.

I don't say anything.

"Emilie."

"Okay, fine!" I throw up my hands, and turn to look at him. "I didn't go this whole week. I just pretended I went."

I had taken great care to stay out all day, too, returning home only when I knew the class had ended. Aksel had been none the wiser. Until this stupid phone call.

"Why?" Aksel is frowning at me through the bewildered expression on his face. "Why did you have to pretend?"

I shrug. I look away.

He strides up to me; grasps me by the shoulders. His hold is firm, his fingers digging into my skin a little, and I know he is controlling himself. He probably wants to shake me until my teeth rattle in my head. "Emilie, we are going to talk about this."