twenty-four

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{UNEDITED}

        It was finally here. The day I had waited all month for and panicked about for days on end, wondering what was actually going to happen.

        Today was the finally the day that I walked down the aisle. I would have to walk with my father beside me, a smile on my face as fooled everyone around us into thinking he was one hell of an amazing parent. I would have to look at Matthew’s family, convincing them that this was all our idea and we were madly in love with each other. I would have to engage with people once this was all done, listen as they offered up their congratulations and best wishes for the future.

        I had to do all that crap people did at weddings without even thinking twice about it all. I was nervous as hell and had already thought of all the ways in which it could possibly go wrong for me, I had even entertained the thought that Matthew wouldn’t even bother turning up and I would be laughing stock of everyone at the venue.

        I looked over at the wardrobe, looking at the bag in which my dress was hanging. My father had picked it out, I didn’t have a say and I made a point of telling him just how much I hated it. It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t long, and it wasn’t anything I would ever wear. It was ugly and I am sure my father had done it on purpose.

        The thought of actually having to wear it brought tears to my eyes. It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life but I already knew it was going to be the day from hell.

        “Morning,” I rolled over so that I was looking at the same voice which had greeted me every single morning for the last four weeks. I never got tired to hearing his voice or of being able to look at him. Mostly because I still couldn’t believe that we were actually together and, every single day, he would tell me that he loved me.

        “Morning to you too,” I smiled. I pushed my arm under the pillow as I snuggled back into it, pulling the duvet to cover my body.

        “How did you sleep last night?” he asked, his hand finding the bump under the covers.

        “She only woke me up three times, and they were all times when you decided you were going to wrap your arm around me. Definitely going to be a daddy’s girl,” I chuckled. Ever since I first felt her move for the first time a couple of weeks, she seems to be highly active at the times I want to sleep.

        She has moved a couple of times during the day but she is more of a night baby. I could sleep during the day but at night, she was determined to keep me awake. I didn’t really mind that though, I would sit and have conversations with her while Matthew was sleeping – I found that sitting in the nursery was rather relaxing and I would often wake up the following morning, have fallen asleep in the chair.

        “I still haven’t felt her move. I feel like I am missing out on something,” Matthew replied and I knew it was upsetting that he was never awake to feel her move or that he was never around during the day when it happened, but he still had to complete school by being there. I had decided that school was too much of a stressful environment to be in so had opted for work being sent to me instead, I just did it in my own time and then sent it back in with Matthew to give to the teachers.

        “Maybe, with all the excitement of today, she will move and you will finally be able to feel your daughter,” I smiled. I spotted the bag on the other wardrobe door which had Matthew’s suit in it. Since this wasn’t a proper wedding, we didn’t really give a damn about traditions and the belief that the groom should never see the bride before she walks down the aisle.

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