Iron To Arrows

Chapter 25: Night Changes

When somebody asks you,
What are you afraid of in life?
How do you respond........
When they say too you,
Tell me your biggest fear,
What makes you decide........
As a child, alone an unwanted, a time occurred where my greatest fear was being by myself.
Things changed in my life shortly after that though. I found family and love. Purpose. I didn't fear much things after that because no matter what happened I knew I'd always be able to find home again.
As an Agent you're trained to reply,
"Not a damn thing Sir."
For some of us, that was a fib but, for myself, I always meant it genuinely.
I never fell victim to change or conformity like everyone else. You couldn't intimidate or manipulate me with minuscule promises and alterations. I wasn't haunted by secret thrills; lustful desires.
I established truth and loyalty. It's what my life was grounded upon. Honor. Respect. Integrity.
Anything else that life hadn't already taught me, I learned to deflect through training at the SHIELD academy. I learned it in the field.
Even when it came to loosing the ones I loved, I understand the sacrifices people make for each other.
Sometimes life doesn't go as planned. Days go by where we don't understand everything, we search for meaning but time still drifts on and we must move with it. No one can stay frozen in a second or moment. Though I know, probably, thousands on this Earth that would kill for that time and chance.
This particular moment however wasn't one I wanted to looped in time. Paralleled in some other dimension.
No one in life, should ever have to experience moments like this.
I never knew before what my greatest fear was
But.....if you were to ask me now......
I'd tell you.....it would be this......
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I hated myself from the moment he touched me. Long and course, pale, fingers tracing the angles of neck and jawline. He tucked away some hair back behind my ear, that way my neck was fully exposed to him.
To think there was a time where I sought after his touch. I yearned to be by him, with him. Peacefully,  I slept after the nights where he caressed my skin so elegantly. The sanctity I felt in his presence and yearning desire for him to kiss me once me.
That was all revolting now. If my soul could jump away from its prison within my flesh.
Oh it surely would have. I hated him touching me, caressing me. Laying deep and lustful claims along my neck and collarbone. Each kiss that he trailed along my neck stung like smoldering coals fresh off the fire. I felt them imprint into me like a branding iron and the torture had only just begun.
Undoing the chains from my arms, I felt a slight sensation of relief as each limb wearily slumped down towards my sides. He already removed the shock collar, to which I was tad surprised but I knew he wanted full access to me full control of me. All this time, he'd sought my obedience and compliance; and after all the resistance I gave, he'd finally had me under his control.
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I never thought I'd break enough to give in to him. So diminishes my life's testimonial creed; No backing down, No giving up, No surrender.
He took off his shirt when he approached me this time. Tracing his fingers from my collarbone and up my neck he tilted my chin up towards him so I'd be forced to gaze into his eyes. To anyone else, it could seem like a look of longing, sincerity, love. The smile that emerged upon his lips held a vibrant, genuine, mask but every image he portrayed wasn't a facade. His eyes didn't look on me with love but lust; if you even wanted to say that. It was about a desire for possession and control nothing in compliance with authenticity. The smile he wore wasn't one of warmth and peace. Kindness and tranquility that one experiences while in love. No. It was a look of conquest. A cheer at victory. After all this time, he'd finally won.
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Leaning down from his stance in front of me, he laid a few more light kisses along my neck. Each one placing their brand in me. I looked away from him as he touched me, kissed me. At the ceiling. The wall. Anything that wasn't his figure so I wouldn't be forced to visualize anything that happens tonight but I knew I wouldn't be allowed to get away with just sitting their.
I felt he could read my thoughts as my body tensed to his every touch and move. His hands gently glided up my thighs before one maneuvered it's way to the back of my neck.
He unclasped the top part single handedly before running his fingers down my spine and towards the hidden zipper.
"I wonder his reaction would be if he saw you here like this."
I swore there wasn't a more evil sentence he could've uttered than that. The dress loosened up lightly as the zipper parted itself from my vertebrae. I gazed at him in plea and horror as he pulled away for a moment. Most likely to see the reaction on my face.
I saw him glance to a corner of the room. My eyes followed where he looked. Sure enough; their was a camera. I looked back at him with desperation in my eyes; I knew thats why he smiled warmly. Looking back at the camera, I received the message that it was off; for the moment but this was a warning sign for me.
Things here can always get worse; though I've had my moments where I couldn't possibly imagine how. This was one of those times.
He was inconceivably filed and demented.
No amount of treatment or psychological therapy could repair the years of damage this man had suffered. It hurt so because I believed him once. Cared for him, at a time. Now he was one of those criminals you read about in extreme case files or murder mysteries programs. Accepting their titles with fain, I never saw how they didn't experience the slightest remorse for their actions.
I stared at him emotionless as he carefully reached to pull down one side of my dress but before we could do so, I shut down.
Everything in my body, heart and mind. I did the best I could to be numb, dumb. Anything and everything to feel nothing in this scenario. It was the memories of it that terrified me the most. Hauntings I'd face at night for years to come. I didn't let myself forget mistakes easily; that's how I've kept my work and performance flawless. I'm highly critical of myself.
With one swift motion and no change of expression my dress was off and I stood, simply, in black undergarments.
He smiled in victory once more and took ahold of my face in his hands, with that, he kissed me. Firmly and directly. I didn't return it, though he got sterner as it went on.
He pulled back away after a few moments.
I didn't react but just observed him blankly.
He smiled again and stroked some strands of my hair away from cheeks.
"You think you can seal yourself off from me."
I was actually about to say something when a dark expression came over his eyes.
With fury in his eyes, he quickly made a call from the phone on top of his dresser.
"Finish him." his frustrated tone was apparent.
"No please!" I cried and tugged the phone away from his arm but he ignored.
"Ward please don't do this!" I cried again tears streamed from their ducts and down my cheeks as I pleaded to him.
"You promised you wouldn't if I complied."
Still no reaction. I heard mumbled voices from the other end of the line but couldn't make out what they were saying. Ward moved the phone away from his ear swiftly and began punching in random digits. I saw him glance towards the camera. A red light was now on.
"Ward please," I begged once more trying to get his attention as I clung onto his arm hopefully.
"I'll listen." Was all that I knew to say in the moment. It was all that would work. He stopped punching in numbers but still didn't look at me.
"Okay, I promise I'll listen. Alright, you can have me."
That made him look up. I forced a smile to my face and nodded my head as I laid a light kiss on his cheek. His eyes quickly shifted towards the camera. I saw from my peripheral vision that the light was off again."
"I give up." I smiled again trying to not choke on my words or the tears that so desperately wanted to trail down my cheeks. Inside I was breaking but on the exterior I tried to make it seem like I was willing. I laid one hand on his chest as I spoke, drawing his attention to me further.
"I give up, alright, you can have me......I surrender."
The last line made him finally put the phone down and with a swift motion his lips were on top of mine. As he kissed me more aggressively I felt the dampness of a single tear drop stream down my left cheek. He smiled against my lips as I lightly returned the longing kiss he'd left me. His hands trailed up and down my body, exploring each curve and crevice like they did so long ago. It sickened me how familiar he was with holding me and touching me. I hated the fact he was declaring me as his own. With rough hands undoing and pulling away the last bit of fabric that covered me, it wasn't long before I was sitting bare before him. Not long before our bodies lay against the satin, stone-grey sheets, where there took hold of me....of every piece he left behind oh, so many years ago.
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